A Court of Souls and Shadows

27. Raven

Content Warning: Graphic Sexual Content. 18+

I fell to my knees and screamed as Azriel and Ares disappeared, tears streaming down my face. I had never seen Azriel look so broken before. Ares had taken him so suddenly, but I could have sworn I'd heard Azriel whisper I love you before he left. My hopeful heart longed for it to be true. For my mate to return my affections. But I couldn't be sure if I had heard him correctly or if I was just hearing what I wanted to in the heat of the moment. I keeled over as deep sobs wracked through my body. I wished more than anything in that moment that I could winnow. Being separated from him when I knew he was hurt was torturous. He kept getting hurt because of me. Guilt warred with sorrow in my heart as I continued to sob, my entire body trembling with the weight of my emotions. I felt warm arms wrap around me from behind and leant back into the embrace.

"He'll be okay, Ray. I promise," Drusus whispered, his breath fanning across the shell of my ear. I sucked in lungfuls of air as I tried to get myself back under control. "It's my fault," I gasped, "He keeps getting hurt because of me." Drusus ran his fingers through my hair as he rocked me in his arms, whispering soothing words into my ear, but I couldn't hear anything he was saying. I was reeling after everything that had happened. I had been so stupid. All my petty jealousy and what Azriel had or hadn't done didn't matter. All that mattered was that he was hurt and it was my fault. I had been stupid and stubborn and let things that shouldn't have mattered get in the way. I knew how he felt about me, didn't I? Didn't he show me with his actions every single day how much he cared for me? And I had been too blinded by jealousy to see it. I'd been cold towards him, when I should have just let him explain. And now I couldn't take it back. And his wings, his wings...

I vomited into the cracked ground before me, and continued to heave over and over as Drusus gathered up my hair and held me. "Take me home, Drew," I begged. "Please take me home." Drusus pulled me into his arms without a word and shot into the sky. I tucked my head in close to his chest, breathing in his woodsy scent as I closed my eyes, and drifted to sleep as we soared through the air towards home.

* * * * * * *

I awoke wrapped in thick blankets, surrounded by a familiar cedar scent. I snapped my eyes open and breathed out a sigh of relief when I saw Azriel laying next to me. I had fallen asleep with my arms wrapped around his chest. The last thing I remembered was Drusus flying me home. I hadn't told him anything about Azriel, but he'd known, and he must have laid me down with him when he brought me home. I would have to thank him next time I saw him. My eyes roamed over Azriel's body as he slept, his breaths heavy and even. The cuts and grazes I remembered seeing on his arms and shoulders had already healed, but his wings remained bandaged, and splinted in some places. They had been secured to a makeshift framework that was attached to the bedhead to keep them from moving as they healed. I wondered how long we had been sleeping, and hoped that he would heal quickly. I had so much to talk about with him. And one burning question to ask him.. what had he said before he left?

I kissed him gently as he slept, before resting my head back down on his chest. Tears slipped silently down my cheeks as I held him, thinking of all the time I would have lost with him if his injuries had been worse and he hadn't made it. I thought of all the time we had already lost because of my own stubbornness and jealousy, and swore to myself that the second he woke, I would make it right. I would not waste another second and tell him how I felt. He had been hurt too many times already.

The door to Azriel's room creaked open, and I glanced up to see Feyre enter the room. She closed the door behind her quietly. As she approached the bed, I noticed she held Fang in one hand. The small bat perked up when he saw me, haphazardly flying towards me to land on my shoulder. He burrowed into my neck as my tears leaked into his scruffy fur.