A Court of Souls and Shadows

35. Azriel

"What do you mean she's gone?" I screamed, grabbing at Cassian's shirt. He scowled and spit at me again. "As if you don't know!" He screamed, struggling against Rhysand's grip. I levelled him with a look. "Yes, this is the face of someone in the know," I said sarcastically. Cassian scowled and shouted at Rhys to let him go. Rhys allowed him to shrug out of his grip, and Cassian straightened, looking down at his blood covered hands. He wiped them on his pants before running a hand through his hair in frustration. He let out a long, heavy breath before looking at me once more. His eyes were glassy with tears.

"Just tell us what happened, from the start," Rhysand ordered, clapping Cassian on the shoulder. Cassian looked over at him and frowned. He sighed and sunk into a kitchen chair. "I was heading to the bathroom to take a piss, and then I saw her running up the stairs crying her fucking eyes out, so I followed her," Cassian started. I took in a sharp breath, my heart splintering at the thought of her in pain. Cassian fisted his hands in his lap as they began to tremble. A few stray tears fell down his cheek as he continued. "I found her on the roof and she was just a mess," he said, his voice breaking. "She'd been punching the bricks over and over and her hands were completely ruined." I gasped in horror at what he described, already pacing the room. I wanted to leave right that second to go after her, but I needed to know everything that had happened.

"I tried to get her to talk, to find out what happened, but she had completely lost it. She kept saying that she is nothing, and she should have known better, and she never should have come here. She wasn't making any sense. I tried to talk her down but she was just... gone. She told me not to go after her, and then she ran and jumped off the fucking roof and flew out of here," Cassian sputtered, a sob rising in his throat. My heart stilled in my chest as ice filled my veins.

"What do you mean, she flew?" I gasped. Cassian's eyes locked with mine. "I mean, she fucking conjured wings just like Rhys does and she flew the fuck out of here," he gritted out between clenched teeth. "Any idea why she would have done that, Az?"

I shook my head, my hands shaking. "I saw her in the hall, just before I came in here when I heard Elain screaming," Lucien spoke up, and every set of eyes in the room snapped in his direction. "She came from this direction and crashed into me. She was crying, but when I asked her what was wrong she wouldn't say. She told me not to go after her," he finished, his face solemn.

"And you just listened to her?" I screamed. "You just let her go?"

Lucien shook his head sadly. "I'm sorry, Azriel. I heard Elain and I just ran."

Elain gasped suddenly, and I stared at her as she brought her hand to her mouth in shock. "Azriel," she whispered, "it was us. She must have seen us." Everything suddenly fell into place. She must have been on her way to the kitchen when Elain kissed me, and saw the whole thing, taking off before she would have seen me push Elain off me.

"What is she talking about?" Cassian growled, striding towards me. Rhys grabbed him by the wrist and held him back. I looked down at my feet, my vision blurring with my building tears. "Elain was having another episode, and she kissed me," I said, my throat feeling tight. "Raven must have seen." Bile rose in my throat, and I rushed to the kitchen sink, vomiting furiously. I was crying and shaking, and I couldn't stop throwing up. She had seen. And she must have thought... Gods, what was going through her mind right now? My heart broke at the thought of what she must be going through.

"Her wings..." Cassian said, his voice a hoarse whisper. "I've never seen anything like them. They were iridescent. When the light hit them, they shone with every colour of the rainbow. They were almost transparent. I had no idea. Why wouldn't she tell us?" I pushed back from the sink, shaking my head. "I didn't know either," I whispered. "She never mentioned..."