A Court of Souls and Shadows

38. Azriel

Content Warning: Graphic depictions of violence.

"Are you listening, Azriel?" 

I forced my attention on Rhysand, who looked irritated. "I'm sorry," I muttered. He sighed heavily. "Look, I know you've got some personal shit going on, but I need your head in this," he said, his violet eyes searching my face. I nodded and stayed quiet as he continued outlining the battle plans for the following day. We'd already set up our war camps on the Northern border of the Winter Court, and I'm sure I would have been freezing my ass off if I could feel anything at all.

I didn't want to be there. I'd stopped caring about anything after Raven had looked down her nose at me and shattered my heart into pieces. Knowing I deserved it hadn't lessened the blow like I thought it would. The fierce wind whipping into the sides of the tent just made me think of her, down there somewhere, readying for the battle herself. We'd already received word from the Winter Court that they would be joining us. My heart ached to see her again, even if she only regarded me with contempt. I just wanted to be in the same space as her, even if I couldn't talk to her or touch her. Being able to just see her would be enough to soothe the ache in my chest.

Rhysand finished explaining the plan for the following day, and we were dismissed from the tent. Cassian followed me back to my own tent, ignoring my sulking and chattering on about how he couldn't wait to start killing. He was excited to go into battle again - it's what he was made for, after all - but I just couldn't share the same enthusiasm this time that I normally would. Nothing mattered anymore.

I stopped at the entrance of my tent, turning to face Cassian, who was now describing in great detail his plans to gut Hybern's soldiers. I grimaced and scrubbed my hand down my face in exasperation. Cassian stopped talking and looked me up and down, his brows furrowing.

"You need to get over this, man," he said gruffly. "If you're not focused tomorrow, you know how things will go."

"I fucking know that," I snapped, my eyes locking with his. "Don't you think I know that? Excuse me if I'm having a bit of difficulty giving a fuck about anything when I've just lost the fucking love of my life."

"So dramatic," Cassian whistled, rolling his eyes. "Forget about her and focus on killing people. It's what you're good at."

"Apparently," I muttered, pushing into my tent. Cassian started to follow me, but I held up a hand behind myself, signalling him to stop. "Just fuck off, Cassian," I said, falling into my bed in a heap. Cassian grumbled to himself but left me alone, pushing back through the tent flaps in a huff. I closed my eyes and let the pain wash over me as I fell into a restless sleep.

* * * * * * *

Hybern's forces were precisely where we had expected them. I spread my wings and flew forward alongside Cassian and the rest of the Illyrian army, soaring down towards the enemy forces as they swept over the Spring Court border into Summer. The two armies collided in a clash of steel and magic. The screams from the shocked Hybern soldiers was music to my ears. Rhysand had cloaked our entire army to have the element of surprise, and Hybern's soldiers were certainly shocked. The lines of Illyrian soldiers fell from the sky in neat lines, smashing into Hybern's men with brutal efficiency. I worked alongside them, my mind completely blank as I sank my blade into soldier after soldier. Keir's Darkbringer army charged below us, armed with star-bright steel and swathed in wisps of night. We were a force to be reckoned with, but Hybern's army stretched wide - and deep. A force meant to eliminate everything in sight.