A Court of Souls and Shadows

44. Azriel

Song for this chapter: Unsteady by X Ambassadors, Hold On by Chord Overstreet, Tired by Gavin James.

A scream tore from Raven's throat as she threw herself at the body of the blue-haired solider. I recognised him immediately as Finn, one of her closest friends in the Winter Court. She had spoken of him often and fondly and my heart broke for her. Her body shook as she took his limp form into her arms, her hands splaying over his chest. She screamed, over and over, her words unintelligible as she continued to press on his chest with shaking hands. I reached for her, placing my hands on her shoulders to pull her away. She shrugged away from my touch with a low growl in the back of her throat. "No!" She screamed, her voice echoing in the marble hallway. "I can save him! I can fix this! I can fix this! My magic..." She pushed me away as I tried to reach for her again, tears streaming down her face as blue light flowed from her palms and into Finn's still body. The light from her palms begun to sputter out as Raven's sobs grew heavier, her body crumpling. She laid her face against Finn's chest, her tears pooling atop his armour. "His Soul is gone," she whispered, her voice hoarse. "He's gone and it's all my fault."

"It's not your fault," I said, my voice low and gentle. I reached for her once more, and this time she allowed me to take her in my arms. I wrapped my arms around her, holding her close as she clung to me, her whole body shaking. I felt her pain splinter down the mating bond, as strong and visceral as if it were a physical wound. Vivianne pushed herself to her knees from where she was slumped against the door, crawling over to where we were huddled together on the floor. She carefully wrapped her arms around Raven, her slender hands combing through her hair as she whispered into her ear. My eyes met hers and I raised my brows at her in question. "Kal's fine," she replied to my unspoken question. "They didn't get in."

Raven pulled away from me suddenly, her gaze snapping to the closed doors behind us. "Kal..." She croaked, rushing to her feet to push through the doors. She ran to his bedside and slumped beside the High Lord's sleeping form, stroking the side of his face with shaky hands. I stayed in the doorway as Vivianne joined her, giving me a meaningful look over her shoulder, as if to say I've got her. I nodded in her direction and stepped back into the hall, surveying the gruesome scene before me. It was the last thing I wanted Raven to have to worry about. I winnowed to the war camp at the Southern border to tell Rhysand and Cassian everything that had happened. Within minutes, they were already organising troops to retrieve the bodies of the fallen Winter Court soldiers for a proper burial, and to dispose of the Hybern bodies.

I winnowed back to the palace once everything was in order, in search of Raven. She was still in Kallias' room with Vivianne, both their faces drawn. My shadows raced ahead of me, swirling around Raven's shoulders in gentle comfort. She looked up, her eyes meeting mine across the room. She rose from her seat beside Vivianne, racing across the room to throw her arms around my neck. I wrapped my arms around her in a tight embrace, burying my face in her hair. "I've got you," I whispered. "I've got you."

"I can't do this," she whispered against my chest. "I can't do any of it."

I smoothed back her hair with my hand, and placed a gentle kiss to her temple. "I know, baby," I whispered in reply. "I know."

"I can't go back out there. I can't," she croaked, her voice breaking.

"Rhysand and the others are taking care of everything. Now you just let me take care of you, okay?" I said softly, pulling back to meet her eyes. Her eyes were red and puffy, and she looked exhausted. She was still shaking, her body still in shock, but she nodded weakly, before resting her cheek against my chest and taking a deep breath.

"You need to rest," I said, kissing the top of her head.

"I can't, I have to plan the funerals and the palace is a mess... And everyone will be relying on me to fix everything and I don't know what to do, Azriel. I can't do this without Kal."