(𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐧) losing focus, losing heart

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song for this chapter
antidote- chloe ament

song for this chapter antidote- chloe ament

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THE SUN ROSE, casting colours of lilac over the new Colorado sky. Este was sitting with her legs hanging off the cliff before her, staring at the sky reflecting in the still waters of the hidden lake.

It had only been hours since she'd stood here alive with anger, now she couldn't remember the point of the words she had spoken. Whether they had worked to make Carlisle feel worse about his mistake or whether he simply believed he could fix her. She supposed that was retained in his mind as a doctor, or maybe as a father.

Estella didn't want to explain why she was sat here again, enclosed in the safety of a thousand trees. If she'd been better, she could've packed up her things and never looked back. She hadn't lied when she had told Carlisle about going away, seeing the world for the first time. Yet she felt tied to Colorado, as though something bad would happen if she left.

Her anger was mingling with the colours of the sky, somewhere far out of reach. Este didn't recognise herself anymore. She felt as though somewhere deep inside her heart she was watching a play before her eyes, a twisted character with eyes glittering for revenge. The words sounded foreign on her own tongue. She didn't know what she was fighting for anymore.

Estella was losing focus of what she was aiming for. Where was this revenge going to get her in the end, her mind already swirled with a million questions, a million regrets. Could she justify ruining something that seemed so pure for the sake of something that happened to her so many years ago?

A hundred years was a long time to hold a grudge, maybe not for a vampire but Este never felt as though she fitted in her mind with the creatures who called themselves her mates. Like the Cullens, she felt she was separated. She knew this was from the inability for her to accept what she'd become after all this time but in her mind she hoped it meant she was still good.

Her mind was screaming to stop. She had never felt so tired, so exhausted. Estella wanted to dig a hole in the ground and lay there until eventually her body became the dirt and her hair entwined with the Earth.

Everything was becoming too much. Estella was losing touch with who she was before. Reaching out for a memory. She remembered her smile, her kind eyes and her naive mind. It wasn't something she could fall back into. It would be like reading lines of a script for a character she didn't fit. Nothing really made sense anymore.

Yet Este still sat outside herself, watching carefully for the changes in moods and the revelation of lies. Of course her anger was a part of herself now, rooted in experience. Shaking it off felt impossible, her mind was warped in all this fury. The anger wasn't her but it resided within her, who was she to ask it to stop?

𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐟𝐚𝐥𝐥 | carlisle cullenWhere stories live. Discover now