I see you in the stars - Jegulus

Chapter 13 - James

"I don't even know how he knew where I was. Maybe he just walks the Gryffindor hallways every night in hopes that one of us will come out or something. But I was going to Madam Pomfrey, and he.. he was there. He was there, and told me if I didn't get Mary and Lily out he would.. he would tell everyone."

The boys were surrounding Remus in their room, as he told them how Snape had gotten all of them together on the sixth floor. It was so difficult seeing Remus so miserable, and so guilty.

James had his fists clenched so hard his nails were digging into his skin as he listened to Remus, trying not to leave at that moment and finish the punches he started.

"I've hated being a werewolf my whole life.. but I have never hated it as much as I did at that moment, as I continue to feel. How because of who I am.. I put my friends in danger, and continue to do so because I cannot tell anyone what they were going to do - what they did." His voice breaks at the end, and James immediately shoots up from his seat to pace, fighting against the urge to find the bastard.

"It's not your fault, Moony. Snape may have won.." Sirius' voice gritted the words out like their mouth was on fire, "But we'll get him back for this one day. Maybe not now, but one fucking day, he's going to get everything he deserves." Remus doesn't even acknowledge them, his head falling into his hands. James could tell Sirius was feeling the same way as him, wanting to leave and find Snape. They met eyes, and Sirius could see the silent promise in them, to which James nodded subtly back.

Just because they couldn't tell anyone about what happened, doesn't mean that they couldn't make Snivellus' life a living hell.

Sirius grinned darkly in answer.

"What did you tell the girls?" Remus eventually asks, his voice rough and gritty as he lifts his head up to look at James. He had gone to speak to Marlene earlier, when Remus had fallen asleep, and she had told him how they were all handling it. Mary had gone to sleep, but Lily.. Lily was just sitting there on her bed.. looking at nothing. He felt absolutely awful, and terrified for his friend.

"Well Lily already knows about you, so she was able to tell them that Snape had threatened you, and that no one could say anything." James replies softly, to which Remus blinks, and eventually nods his head once.

"And how did they take that?"

"They understood, Moony. Of course they understood." And they did, Marlene had spoken with such kindness about Remus it made James' heart swell and break at the same time. Remus nodded again, before leaning his head onto Sirius' shoulder, who was beside him. James opened his mouth to ask more, but Sirius just shook their head at him. Remus still hadn't told them about what Snape had done to them before they arrived, but James knew he wasn't going to get any more answers now.

"I'm going out." James eventually says, grabbing his jacket that was hanging loosely on his cupboard. Sirius looked at him in warning, to which James scoffed.

"I'm not going to look for him, give me some credit Padfoot." Sirius' mouth twitched, but they just threw up their middle finger in return before James walked out the room.

He had to go to his spot. The fountain, where he could only think about the ancient wizards etched onto the stone, and nothing else. He couldn't think about- didn't want to think about-

That despite everything he knew, everything Regulus had done to warn him about it - it still happened. Snape had still somehow taken his friends.

He had failed.

James never failed.

He should have been more prepared. Should have actually thought of a fucking plan instead of wasting time just making sure they were with someone. How utterly pathetic.