Finding a way: Mass effect 3

Dreams

The darkness around him ebbed and flowed, making it feel like he was drifting on a boat at sea. But there was no sound around him, no lapping of the waves against a hull. He blinked his eyes several times trying to refocus on any scrap of light there might be. There! he thought triumphantly as a small square outline of light became visible in the distance. He moved toward it, watching it grow before him into a door. He hesitated briefly, his hand on the knob, but with no place else to go he finally decided he might as well push it open and stepped through.... into the kitchen at his parent's beach house outside Vancouver.

"Kaidan! There you are," his mother said brightly coming over to kiss his cheek. "Did you get some rest, honey? How's your migraine?"

He looked around in confusion for a moment. This isn't right. I was on Mars... His mother stared at him expectantly as she stirred the pasta sauce that was bubbling on the stove.

"Um...I'm fine, mom. Thanks," he managed to stammer out. A child's shriek followed by a small boy of about five darting past him distracted him from the question he had been about to ask her.

"Alexander David Alenko!" Aubrey's commanding voice rang from the other room. "What did I tell you about running in the house?" He turned and met her beautiful blue eyes as she rounded the corner. "Do you want to wrangle your wild son, or should I?"

"My son?" he repeated dumbly, his gaze darting over to the dark-haired boy who was the spitting image of him, but with Aubrey's blue eyes.

"Oh, he's definitely yours when he acts like this. He can be mine when he behaves," she joked, wrapping her arms around his waist and kissing him gently. He gazed at her with puzzled amazement in his eyes. "You alright, sweetie?" she asked, caressing his cheek.

"Yeah," he said, smiling and this time meaning it. "Just a little tired still, that's all."

"I'll wrangle Alex then. You go get Katherine from her nap since dinner is almost ready."

"Okay," he replied moving down the hallway toward the back of the house where the bedrooms were. Only one door was closed, which he proceeded to open slowly. A crib was set up against the far wall and a little girl around two that looked exactly like Aubrey stood in it, her tiny hands gripping the railing. She smiled around her pacifier and started jumping up and down when she saw him. His face instantly lit up. "Hey baby doll," he said to her, "You ready for dinner?"

"Weddy, daddy, weddy!" she said, the pacifier garbling her words as she reached her arms up to him. He swung her up onto his hip and dropped a quick kiss on top of her head as she laid it on his shoulder before heading back toward the kitchen.

He watched the bustle as Aubrey got Alex to the table and his mom and dad brought out and served the food. It was perfect... everything he had ever wanted. But he still couldn't shake the feeling of unease in the back of his mind that something wasn't right. I'm not supposed to be here, he kept thinking. But that was crazy. His family was here, Aubrey was here. Where else was he meant to be if not at her side? As if she heard his thoughts, she glanced over to him with that gentle smile that was only his. He set Kathrine down in her high chair and pulled Aubrey into his arms, kissing her firmly.

"What was that for?" she asked breathlessly when he released her.

"Just because," he said, not knowing how to tell her that it felt like he hadn't kissed her in ages. That's because you haven't, a small voice whispered in the back of his mind. It's been two and a half years since you kissed her. He shook his head, half trying to clear the thought and half to physically deny it.

"Come on," she said, taking his hand and pulling him toward the table, "dinner's getting cold."

Just as he was about to sit down, he heard Aubrey's voice, but it was faint and didn't come from the woman beside him.

"Don't you dare die, Kaidan. Fight. That's an order."

He turned his head, looking for the source of the voice.

"You gonna sit down, son?" his father asked.

No, the answer popped into his head immediately. "Kaidan?" his mother asked when he didn't respond to his father.

"No," he finally managed to say out loud. "This isn't right. This isn't where I'm supposed to be."

All of a sudden, everything around him disappeared and he was alone in an empty room. Outside all of the windows was nothing but darkness.

"Aubrey?" he called out.

"Fight, Kaidan," came the faint reply from somewhere out in the darkness. "I need you."

Hope blossomed in his chest, She did? After everything that had happened on Mars and before that on Horizon...after Arcturus, was it possible that she still cared for him? If she did, if there was even the smallest possibility, he had to fight for the chance to be with her again. Realization dawned in his mind that that was all he wanted – to be with her again. Where I'm supposed to be. The thought warmed him from the inside out. Whatever had happened with Cerberus didn't matter anymore. He had spent years wishing that he could have one more day with her and then when his wish had come true, he had foolishly walked away from her. What the hell had be been thinking?

Well, not this time, he thought resolutely.

He moved to the door and went to open it, but it wouldn't budge. He shook it and threw his shoulder against it, but to no avail. He felt hopelessness and despair start to set in.

It's too late. She doesn't want you anymore. She's better off without you. The barrage of thoughts came unbidden to his mind.

No, he shouted in his head to stop them. I won't give up. I won't leave her...never again... He calmed his breathing and focused, activating his biotics to reinforce the kick he sent flying at the door. On the third such kick the door burst open, letting in a blinding white light that caused him to squeeze his eyes closed and gasp. He blinked rapidly several times, trying to see past it.

He finally opened them to the glaring lights of a hospital room. "Aubrey?" he said hoarsely, trying to sit up, but only making himself dizzier and more nauseous.

"Take it easy Major," a familiar voice said from the left side of the bed. He turned and saw Dr. Chakwas examining the monitors at his bedside. "Commander Shepard isn't here."

"Hey, Doc," he said in surprise. "How long have I been out?"

"Six days," she said. "You suffered a lot of head trauma. What's the last thing you remember?"

"The android grabbing me on Mars. Where am I?"

"Huerta Memorial Hospital on the Citadel," she replied. "Shepard got you here just in time. We almost lost you."

"Where is she?" he asked, trying to sound casual about it. The knowing look Dr. Chakwas gave him made it clear he had failed.

"The Council sent her to Palaven to secure the Turian Primarch for a war summit, but I can find a way to contact her if you'd like to let her know how you're doing."

"Thanks, Doc."

"Rest, Major. That's an order," she said, patting his shoulder affectionately before walking out.