Finding a way: Mass effect 3

Waking

Despite the orders, he couldn't rest until after he had contacted Aubrey. He remembered how they had left things on Mars, so he tried to keep it professional until he could see her in person and try to apologize.

Shepard, he wrote, By some miracle, or maybe just dumb-assed luck, I survived the beating I took on Mars. Dr. Chakwas says that I can have visitors. I know you're busy out saving the galaxy (again and as usual), but it'd mean a lot to me if you could stop by the next time you're on the Citadel. Thanks, Kaidan.

A couple days later, he was surprised by a visit from Councilor Udina. After exchanging pleasantries and beating around the bush a bit, he finally got to the point of his visit.

"Major," he said, "I'm here because the Council wants to make you a Spectre." The shock must have shown on his face. "We need good soldiers like you now more than ever," he added.

"I'm honored, Councilor," he said, his mind reeling. A Spectre?! Did they honestly think he was good enough for that? That he could handle that responsibility. "How soon do you need an answer?"

"I was hoping to get one before I left, actually."

"If I could have a little time to think about it, sir, I'd appreciate it."

"Very well, Major. Let me know as soon as you can."

As Udina turned to leave, the door slid open again and Aubrey walked in. Kaidan couldn't keep his face from lighting up.

"Shepard," Udina said coolly as he walked past her.

"Udina," she replied in a similar fashion.

She turned her full attention to him and gave him the ghost of a smile, but all he could see was how exhausted she looked. There were heavy bags under her eyes and she wasn't standing as straight as she usually did.

"Hey," she said, moving into the room, but still keeping her distance.

"Hey. Thanks for coming."

"What did Udina want?" she asked, leaning back against the wall.

"The Council wants to make me a Spectre," he replied, studying her face closely to gauge her reaction.

"Seriously?! That's amazing Kaidan. You're going to accept, right?" She seemed to be genuinely excited for him.

"I don't know. It's a huge honor, but also a huge responsibility."

"I get it. But if anyone deserves it, it's you," she said sincerely.

A somewhat awkward silence fell as he struggled to figure out how to go about repairing the damage he had done to their relationship. Where do I even start? he thought morosely.

"So, how are you feeling?" she finally asked.

"Good. Only thing keeping me here is red tape. It's always just "one more test" before I can be released."

"Dr. Chakwas knows what she's doing. But I'm sure I can convince the crew to stage a jail break if you need me to," she joked.

He chuckled, "I'll let you know."

They fell silent again for a bit before he asked, "How are things out there?" deciding to keep the conversation on neutral ground for now.

She took a deep breath before answering. "Not good. The Turians are holding out a little better than we did, since the Hierarchy listened to Garrus better than the Alliance listened to me. But they won't be able to for long and they know it. We secured their Primarch, but if we want the Turians to help us he wants the Krogan to help defend Palaven, and in return for helping the Turians the Krogan want a cure for the genophage, and the Salarians are being oh so cooperative about that."

"Damn, that sounds like a political cluster fuck."

"Pretty much. It basically means we need to broker intergalactic peace between three races that have essentially hated each other for the past millennium or so if we want everyone to join together to build this Prothean weapon against the Reapers." She rubbed her hands across the back of her neck trying to ease some of the obvious tension there.

Before he could reply, the door opened again and Garrus strode in.

"Kaidan," he said tersely by way of greeting before turning to Aubrey and continuing, "Shepard, Primarch Victus is done meeting with the Council and they asked for you. Clan Urdnot and the Salarian Dalatrass agreed to the rendezvous."

"Thank God for small miracles. Let's see if we can pull off a bigger one. Tell Joker we leave for Sur'Kesh in an hour," she replied. "It was good to see you Kaidan," she said to him, her voice cool and neutral, before turning to head for the door.

"Aubrey?" he called out before she left the room. "Are we good?" He couldn't think of any other way to ask for forgiveness in front of Garrus and with such a short amount of time left to them.

She smiled tightly, but it didn't reach her eyes as she replied, "Yeah, Major, we're good."

It was like a ton of bricks had fallen on his chest and were keeping him from breathing. The use of his rank made it clear that the only thing that was good between them was what existed between a CO and her officer. 

**Always pictured this song playing if this were a movie soundtrack.**

He watched her leave and as soon as the door closed behind her Garrus rounded on him.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me! After everything you've done to her you have the nerve to ask her that?!"

"I was asking her to forgive me, Garrus. What's wrong with that?"

"You turned your back on her on Horizon, Kaidan. You broke her heart! You attacked her on Arcturus! And after what you said on Mars? You don't deserve her forgiveness."

"How the hell do you know what I said on Mars?"

"Liara told me everything. Comparing her to a mindless Cerberus puppet?! Spirits help me, if you weren't in a hospital bed already, I'd fucking put you in one for what you've done to her."

"Why the hell are you so angry about this?" he asked, sensing there was more to Garrus' reaction than just a protective friend.

"Aubrey's my friend. Probably one of the only ones left in the galaxy. Why wouldn't I be mad at you?"

"No. This is more than that," he pushed him. "Why are you so angry, Garrus?"

Garrus let out a frustrated growl before yelling, "Because you're not the only one who loves her!"

Kaidan's eyes widened with shock and then understanding as Garrus' mandibles flared in agitation and his face darkened in what likely indicated a blush.

"You..."

"Yes, me," he sighed, his posture deflating a little. "Ever since I joined the Normandy against Saren. But it was clear from the moment I set foot on that ship, she only wanted you. It was clear where her heart was, so I was content to be her friend. And then you rejected her on Horizon, and I thought I'd finally have a chance to be something more to her. But I still couldn't replace you. Maybe now she'll finally see that you're not worth her tears."

He turned and started to leave, but Kaidan called out to him, "Garrus.... If you're right, if she does decide I'm not worth it anymore... I'm glad that it'd be you taking my place. Truly." He knew that Garrus was a good man. He stood up for what he believed in, was funny, and loyal to a fault. He was a good friend. If there was going to be someone other than him by her side, that someone should be Garrus.

A look of surprise crossed the Turian's face before he nodded curtly and left the room.