Finding a way: Mass effect 3

Finding love again

Kaidan had lost track of Aubrey after she left the shuttle bay to make reports and arrange for Aralakh company to get back to Tuchanka. He was going over ways to modify their internal heat sinks with Chief Adams when he saw her emerge from the war room and head into the elevator without looking back.

He must not have been able to hide the worry from his face because Adams said, loudly enough for those close to hear, "You know, Major, Commander Shepard might want some input in this. Why don't you take these simulations up to her and let me know what she thinks tomorrow?"

He accepted the data pads from Adams with a slow smile of gratitude at his friend. "Sure thing, Chief. See you tomorrow."

He strode onto the elevator and pushed the button for deck one. Aubrey's weary voice said 'come in' from the other side of the door when he got there. She was sitting on the couch, data pads spread on the table in front of her, but with her head in her hands staring sightlessly at them.

Without a word, he joined her, gathering her into his arms. She leaned heavily against him and let out a shaky breath.

"What the hell did I do, Kaidan?" she asked, anguish lacing her words.

He took a deep breath, collecting his thoughts, knowing that she didn't need placations or empty words. "You made a command decision, Aubrey," he said gently, "because you can't save everyone."

"Ouch. Throwing my own advice back at me, huh?" she said with a half-smile.

"Well, it's good advice," he said, tucking stray hairs that had fallen across her face behind her ear.

She stubbornly shook her head, "I didn't just sacrifice a few people to save more in the long run, Kaidan. I sacrificed her entire species for Grunt and his men."

"No. You only sacrificed her. You can't kill something that doesn't exist, Aubrey. Children that haven't even been born yet can't die," he argued, willing her to see his logic. He could tell by the look on her face that she hadn't bought it, though, so he pressed on with an example closer to home, "If you'd lost Ash on Virmire I know you would have blamed yourself for her death, but would you have blamed yourself for the death of her unborn children?"

Understanding started to spread across her face. "No, I wouldn't have," she whispered. "Thanks," she added, laying her head on his shoulder and snuggling closer.

"What did you show her before you asked if she understood?"

"My memories of Grunt. I needed her to understand that I wasn't sacrificing her for just anybody."

"How'd you wind up his Battlemaster?"

She told him the story of finding Grunt, a science experiment grown in a tank as a way to try and beat the genophage. Of letting him out, despite recommendations from others on her team against it. Of going through the Rite of Passage with him and helping him earn his place in Clan Urdnot. When she finished, they sat together in silence, just enjoying holding each other. Eventually, her breathing deepened and he glanced down to find her asleep. He shifted slowly and managed to lift her into his arms and carry her to the bed. He got her settled under the covers and smoothed her hair out of her face. He wanted nothing more than to curl up beside her and keep holding her, but there was still the gnawing guilt in his heart that he hadn't confessed about Rahna and gotten her forgiveness yet. Still, he didn't want to leave her alone, so he went back to the couch and the heat sink simulations that he and Adams had been running.

He must have fallen asleep at some point because he was startled awake by Aubrey's strangled cry of distress as she jerked awake from a nightmare.

"Aubrey? Hey, it's okay," he said, quickly blinking the sleep from his eyes and going to sit next to her on the bed. "It was just a dream." He ran his hands soothingly up and down her arms as she took several shuddering breaths to calm herself.