The Guardian's Path

Chapter 3 - Take My Hand

"He's always been like a father to me," Anakin confesses, trying to keep his voice steady, even as he cries against Custos' shoulder. "I told him a few times but..." He trails off, remembering the last time he said it, and Obi-Wan's response. It almost stings as much now as it did then.

"Then why don't you listen to me?"

It was as if he completely disregarded that Anakin was doing everything he could to be a proper Jedi, impossible though it seemed. It was as though he didn't even see how much Anakin was struggling, or worse, maybe didn't even care. Neither Custos nor Ani say anything, their presences calm and soothing next to his. "I sometimes wonder if he cares, even though I know I shouldn't. He's only ever just a master or just a friend. I shouldn't –" He nearly chokes on the words. "I shouldn't want more, but I do."

"There's nothing wrong with your feelings. They are what they are," Custos reassures him.

"It's not the Jedi way," Anakin quotes miserably, voice somewhat muffled.

"That doesn't mean it's the right way," the elder tells him after a momentary pause. "I was a Jedi, you know, but during my... captivity, I realized that there is more to the Force. If I had denied myself that knowledge, denied myself the opportunity to change and become a... more open person, I don't think I would be here. I don't think either of us would be here."

Ani shifts next to Anakin, holding him even tighter. This feels so surreal. Anakin can't even begin to process that not only is a younger version of himself holding onto him, but so is a Sith version of Obi-Wan, a version who is somehow more open and caring than the master Anakin knew. It doesn't even make sense, and it goes against everything which Anakin has ever believed about the Sith. He doesn't let any doubts creep in about what Custos might want from him in the future, because he needs this now. If he has to be by himself, with these thoughts in his head, he doesn't think he'd be able to handle it.

"I don't know what to do." It's the truth, and it is so freeing to finally be able to say that.

Custos sighs, shifting and running his fingers through Anakin's hair for a moment. It's very reminiscent of how his mother used to calm him when he was a child, and any lingering tension fades from his body as he relaxes fully in Custos' embrace. "Stay with us." The request is quiet, but sincere. "You might be an adult now, but you're still Anakin; you'll still be my child."

Anakin exhales shakily. He wants to accept. He wants to accept so badly that it scares him. "I... you're not him." He doesn't want this moment to end, this moment where he feels like he's actually worth something, this moment where he's being given comfort without having to ask. But he can't deny the truth either. Much as he would like to leave, he would never truly be content. Custos is Obi-Wan, but he's not his Obi-Wan, and there's a part of Anakin which will never be able to let go of the irrational hope that he'll someday be able to get what he so desperately craves from his former master.

"No," Custos agrees, still not letting Anakin go, "I'm not him, and I never will be, but he'll never be me either."

It hurts even though it shouldn't. It's the truth, a truth Anakin has been trying to hide from. The two Obi-Wans have had vastly different experiences, so the chances of his Obi-Wan ever changing, ever becoming more like Custos are very low. Another tear escapes, dripping down his face and onto Custos' outer robe.

"You're still welcome to stay with us though," the Sith adds, almost as an afterthought. Finally, he shifts, pulling back slightly, brow furrowed with concern. There's unfiltered affection in his gaze as well, and Anakin sniffles, swiping the lingering tears from his face. "It's late, and we should all probably get some rest."