The Guardian's Path

Chapter 6 - Confessions

"What did –" Anakin sucks in a breath. "What did you want to talk to me about?" He feels... fragile almost; he's this close to shattering into a million pieces. He had known, of course, that it would hurt when the illusion of having someone who could protect him would end, but not – not like this. He didn't think it would be like this. To have Custos so close only to have him ripped away less than a day later is more than he can bear. He feels like he's lost, floundering, with no one to pull him back.

"I know you're struggling, Ani," Padme tells him softly reaching up to touch his face. He leans into her hand, slipping an arm around her waist and hugging her. "You can tell me how you're feeling." He can trust her, he knows that. He just doesn't know if he can bring himself to tell her this without falling apart. He – he needs to be strong for Ani right now. Force knows that child has suffered more than enough, and he needs someone who can watch over him.

"You know how I feel about Obi-Wan," he says finally, voice wavering. "It's – I've always struggled, but I thought – I thought I could ignore it. I – And then I saw Custos and Ani and how they treated each other." He exhales shakily, blinking away the tears in his eyes.

"Custos is Ani's father, and they're not ashamed of it," Padme understands, winding her arms around his waist and resting her head on his chest. "I'm sorry, Ani." She means it. He can feel her sincerity and regret through the Force. "If I could help you with that, I would. Don't take this wrong," she adds, almost hesitantly, "But sometimes – sometimes you really remind me of how young you are." Anakin gets the feeling that she was going to word it differently, but decided against it, for whatever reason. "There's nothing wrong with how you feel, so don't let anyone tell you otherwise." She leans up to kiss him lightly, raising her hand to wipe away the tears which have escaped.

He doesn't deserve her. He doesn't deserve to have her, with all of her compassion and understanding. He also doesn't really understand what she means. Maybe it's better that way. "Is it – is it strange that – that I want to be able to treat him like that? That I –" His voice breaks, and he can't bring himself to finish. That I want to claim him as my father.

They're in Padme's office, and she nudges him to sit on the large chair at her desk. He obliges, and she straddles his legs, facing him. "He grew up a Jedi, so he never had parents," Padme replies. "You had your mother. You knew what it was like. It's only natural for you to want it, even after so many years." She runs her fingers through his hair, wrapping him in her arms, a silent promise of safety and security and love.

He lets out a breath, burying his face in her shoulder, slipping his arms around her waist to hold her against him. He wishes so badly that it didn't have to be this hard, that it could be easier for him for once, that he could confess everything that's tormenting him to Obi-Wan, to the only person who can take this pain away. Maybe he can't do that, but he can – hopefully – see Custos, even if he's in prison. He can ask Obi-Wan if he can get a pass to see the Sith. Custos hasn't hurt anyone and seeing him might grant Anakin a sense of calm which will allow him to keep functioning, at least until he's able to give Custos his freedom.

After a few minutes, Anakin lifts his head, looking up at his Angel's face. Her eyes are filled with both worry and affection. He doesn't like stressing her, especially about matters which pertain to him, because he knows how busy she is with her Senate work. Still, in this situation, he didn't know who else to turn to. Wiping the lingering wetness from his cheeks, Anakin straightens. "I should go back to Ani and take him to see if the Chancellor can help us," he informs Padme. "If you want Ahsoka to stay with you for a bit, she can."

"No, that's alright," Padme assures him, slipping off his lap and standing. He rises as well, already mentally half-way out the door. He's jerked back to the present when Padme leans up to kiss him again, and this time, he responds. They don't let it drag out for too long, well aware of who is waiting next door.