Natasha Romanoff One-shots

365 of sorrow 🥺🥰

Original oneshot from @thewidowintheweb from tumblr

Link to tumblr: https://thewidowintheweb.tumblr.com/post/621200433235525632/365-days-of-sorrow

Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Warnings: mentions of torture

Word Count: 3k

The stars looked amazing. It was astounding how much joy a twinkling orb, so many light years away, could excite.
"There's another one" Natasha hummed. You turned your head to glance at her, she wore an expression full of contemplation and concentration. She had made it her current mission to find all the stars in the sky for you tonight.
You let a warm smile creep on your face as you followed her finger, to see where she was pointing.
"I see it" you breathe as you noticed the barely visible dull gleam in the sky. Natasha had offered the two of you take a trip to the roof of The Tower, after she sensed you couldn't fall sleep. Now the two of you lay with your shoulders touching, the nest of blankets plush against your backs.
"They're so beautiful" you spoke softly, maybe for fear that they would disappear in the darkness of the sky. The city lights always drowned out the stars, making it hard to go stargazing, but tonight those balls of hydrogen and helium were shining bright. Not being able to sleep had its advantages on this occasion.
You let out a happy sigh, turning onto your side so you could look at Natasha. She was a whole other type of star. You grinned "I found one." You declared, your gaze locked on her, your eyes gleaming.
Natasha furrowed her brow, turning to look at you. She let out a soft laugh, you knew she was blushing. "Baby. " was all she said, gentle and with a shy undertone.

Your smile spread, you ran your thumb over her cheek bone "I mean it Natasha, you are my star. Like the sun is to earth, you are to me." You leaned over, kissing where your thumb once was. "It's 3 am and you're sat here with me, just watching the sky. I love you. " your voice caught slightly, you couldn't help the small stream of happy tears that ran down your cheek.
Natasha bit her lip. She kissed your hand then planted a warm chaste kiss to your lips. "I think you reached that sappy sleepy stage. C'mon sweetheart." She said standing up from the blanket pile. She stretched her arms out to help you up "I love you. " a tender smile on her face while she pulled you to your feet.
You muffled a yawn on the back of your wrist "what about the blankets?" You asked, although you weren't really in the mood to clean up the mess of your late night endeavors. "I'll get it in the morning. Baby you have a mission in a couple days, we really need to get you to sleep. "
You shrugged and nodded. Although you weren't sure if you were ready to sleep yet, despite your yawn, but after watching the stars with your girlfriend and knowing she'd be right next to you, you'd definitely try. You turned to start walking back to the door.
"Hey." Nat said, causing you to turn back towards her. You began to tilt your head slightly as you watched her lower herself to one knee. It took a moment for your sleep deprived brain to catch up with what was happening, but as soon as you heard her words;
"Will you marry me".
You couldn't help but let your jaw drop open, pulling your hand over your mouth. You were speechless for a moment, but then you realized this was something that required an answer. Natasha smirked as she watched you, she could tell how tired you were by your delayed reaction, it was cute and solidified how certain she was that she wanted, no needed, you to be her wife.
You swallowed hard, nodding frantically. "Natasha baby! Of course, of course." You squealed as you rushed over to her, getting on your knees to meet her, you wrapped your arms around her neck, peppering her face with kisses.
"You mean it? I know you're tired love, and I don't want you to wake up regretting it." Her voice was cool, but you knew Natasha was nervous, who wouldn't be.
You nodded against her neck, pulling your head up so you could look into her emerald eyes. You cupped her face " I literally just called you my star, of course I'm serious you idiot" you laughed before planting a sloppy kiss to her lips.
Natasha grinned into the kiss, swiftly lifting you up with her as she stood to her feet, carrying you bridal style seemed fitting. She held the ring out, and you held your hand out, fingers spread. You rested your cheek against her chest as she slid the ring on your finger.
"I love you" your voice was hushed, you couldn't take your eyes off your finger. You sniffled, here came the water works and you definitely wouldn't be holding them back.
——————————
That was a year ago. Now here you were, sitting in the co-pilot seat of a quintet, Captain Steve Rogers next to you as he flew you home. Or flew you to what used to be your home, what was your home a year ago. A whole year, Three-hundred Sixty-five days.
You were beaten, bruised, broken and quite frankly you'd never thought you'd see him again. You never thought you'd see anyone again. Not Steve, not Tony, not Clint. And especially not Natasha, but you were a mere hour away from doing just that.
You looked down at your hand, the finger where your ring no longer was. You swallowed despite the ball that was forming in your throat, you gulped back tears, but a few still managed to free themselves from your eyes.
The mission had gone wrong. Your aircraft was shot from the sky, a crash landing seemed impossible, but you managed. The vehicle held together long enough for you to bring it spiraling to the ground, you ended up with a sprained ankle and some neck pain, you thought the worst was over, but it was just the beginning.
You didn't know where you were, you were lost, alone in a strange forest. You had made it three days and two nights before you were captured, by who you assumed to be those that had shot you from the sky. It probably wasn't smart to stay near the crash sight, but you had few means to aid your survival and your ankle was busted, you needed supplies to treat it if you were going anywhere.
In the darkness, in the prison that had become your torture room for so many months, so many days, so many hours. At the time you hadn't known how long you'd been there. Some days it felt like forever other days it felt like nothing. What got you through was the continued flashing memory of that night on the roof.
It brought you pain, more pain than any fist ever could bring, more pain than any electromagnetic shock, knife, gun, or crowbar ever could. When you were alone you cried, truly cried. Sobbed ugly tears that left your body shaking, left your nose running.
But that memory also brought you happiness, if you were to die by the hands of your enemy it would be worth it. You had spent the best night of your life with Natasha, you had spent 2 and a half tough years with Natasha. Two and a half amazing years. And you could die knowing that she wanted to marry you, die knowing that when you looked at her and she looked at you, there was nothing but pure love. Love, safety and she was your home.
Now your finger burned where the ring used to sit.
That had been a year ago, you knew it was foolish to think she had waited all this time. She deserved to be happy, you had gone through a life times worth of suffering, still were, but you still felt that Natasha's happiness came before yours. You wanted to believe you'd come home to her, you'd come home and her arms would be open, but that was a fool's dream.
You blinked away a few more tears. "Does Natasha know...that I'm coming back?" You asked meekly. You wanted to ask if she moved on, you wanted to ask how long she waited for you, but you couldn't.
Not you wouldn't, but you truly couldn't, you knew those words would not escape your mouth. They'd be cut off by a grating sob, and what little composure you had would be gone. You'd probably never get it back.
Steve glanced at you, maybe he had forgotten how beaten your face was because you could see him wince a little, or maybe he winced because he knew the truth about rather or not Natasha was waiting for you back home, no, back at The Tower. Natasha was your home, The Tower was just a place.
It would have been easier to die in your prison than to come back and see Natasha on someone else's arms
"She left the tower a month ago, we don't know where she is. " there was a somber tone in his voice, Steve wished he could give you a different answer. Give you the answer you wanted, give you the answer you deserved, but he couldn't.
You nodded, wiping around your bruised swollen check and black eye to rid your face of the tears that started to burn your cheeks. "It's been a long time" you sighed, trying not to sound as hopeless and pitiful as you felt inside.
"You know she...Natasha-" Steve began.
You shook your head "It's fine Rogers. I think i'm just going to relax in the med bay." You got up from your seat without another glance at him. Your muscles jumped and you went stiff, getting so wrapped in your emotions that you had nearly forgotten how beaten you really were.
You kept your right arm stiff, your shoulder blade was bruised, maybe even cracked, so any motion felt like a molten knife being dug into your back. You took careful steps, your knee was jacked, repeated blows to it from a metal pipe would do that. A knee brace, lots of physiotherapy and pain medicine, maybe even reconstructive surgery, were all in your future.
When the quintet landed you probably should have felt relief, or some kind of happiness, but you didn't. You knew walking into that building, the place that was once your home, it would feel hollow, it would feel empty without her. You met Steve on the bridge.
He looked you over "ready? He asked.
You shrugged "ready as I can be" you mumbled. With that the two of you stepped out and made your way inside The Tower. You couldn't hold the fake smile when you saw everyone, that was everyone except Natasha.
You wanted to believe by some miracle she would be there with everyone, but she wasn't. It wasn't that you weren't happy to see the rest of your team, you loved them they're your family, but there was a big chunk missing from your family and your heart. A big chunk caused by a faulty mission and 365 days of your absence.
You wanted to tell them not to hug you, you wanted hide how much you were hurting, but you couldn't. Tony was the first to wrap his arms around you, and maybe that's why your face fell instantly.
You wrapped your arms around him, burying your face in his chest, letting your tears soak his shirt and letting his shirt muffle your sobs. Your body ached, your shoulder killed you, but you didn't want him to let go and soon you found yourself in the middle of a family hug. They never forgot about you, they never stopped looking.
——————————
A month had passed, no one had heard from Natasha, maybe it was safe to assume she had moved on from The avengers, to assume she had moved on from you. You were sitting on one of the patio chairs on the roof of The Tower. Your crutches leaning against the table to your left.
You had grown stir crazy after your knee surgery, and you were just thankful you were finally able to leave your bed without someone fussing over you. You didn't blame them, it was a surgery that would put you out of commission for a long time, you didn't know if your leg would truly ever be the same. Either way, you were still relieved to get a sense of fresh air.
The sky was dark and there was a breeze that made chills run through your body. It was cold. Colder than that night Natasha proposed to you. Not just cold, it was lonely.
The ghostly images of that night flashed through your mind, you swallowed hard, wiping at the tears that ached to stain your cheeks.
You looked up at the sky, there were no stars. Maybe that was symbolic. Your star was gone, the light in your life had burned out. Now as your eyes stared up at darkness there were no twinkly orbs to cut through it. You took in a shuddering breath. You hesitated before looking down at your naked finger.
You cursed yourself for taking it off when you got captured. You thought maybe if you hid it away, maybe if your captors never saw it, you could keep it. Somewhere along the way the ring had disappeared, maybe that was symbolic too.
"There's one" came a low hushed voice from behind you. Your body went stiff, you didn't want to turn around, had you really heard her voice? Or were your memories no longer haunting you only in your mind.
There was a disruption in the air next to you, it grew warm. You felt a body next to you. You took a deep breath, holding it as you turned your head up and to the side.
There she was, in all her beauty. Natasha Romanoff stood next to you, one hand stuffed into the pocket of her leather jacket, the other pointing up at the sky. You didn't know what to say. You didn't want to pull your eyes away from her, but you did. You followed her finger. She was right, you had to squint a little, but in the distance there was a very faint glow, barely noticeable.
Maybe this should have made you happy, instead you had to cover your mouth as you choked out a sob, your eyes waterfalls as you looked at the faint yellow glow. You couldn't pull your eyes from it, it was so faint you didn't know how long it would last.
"I'm sorry i'm late. " Natasha said, her voice a hushed mumble.
You felt warm. Your heart was racing, your tongue felt stagnant. You didn't know what to say to her, but the words just spilled from your mouth on their own "I never thought I'd see you again".
Natasha looked down at you, her eyes passed over where she once dubbed you her fiance. Your bare ring finger. "I went dark looking for you, I thought I could find you myself. I thought I could bring you home."
She pulled her gaze away from you, you were too entranced by the faint glow and you still weren't sure what else to say to her. Natasha looked up at the star with you. She let out a heavy exhale "What if you could go back, erase me?" She knew she had hurt you, she took your silence as anger.
"It hurt, it still hurts me. But you didn't know if or when I'd come back. " you were speaking to both yourself and Natasha. You finally pulled your gaze from the sky, looking down at your hand.
"I should have been here when you got back. But the tower, it never felt the same. It haunted me, not knowing if you were out there, not knowing what happened to you. " Natasha's voice quivered as she spoke.
You nodded, you hadn't even thought about how hard it was on her. You weren't the only one who had lost someone.
Someone had stolen the light from Natasha's sky, she was just as alone as you were. Three-Hundred Sixty-Five days of loneliness.
Natasha was hurt she was lost, but the most painful thing was knowing that she had made you feel like she had abandoned you.
Natasha sniffed "I meant it that night. She paused, running her hand through her crimson hair. You heard her swallow and you knew she was crying. Nat crouched down taking hold of your hand, she hesitated before placing a kiss to your finger. She let her tears stream down her face, she wasn't going to hide how broken she was without you. She wasn't going to mask how she felt, you deserved to see how much it ate her up inside.
"It's okay Natasha." You said, looking at her, and for the first time you truly believed it was.
Nat shook her head, placing the back of your hand to her cheek, you didn't mind the tears "I'd wait, forever. I'd search forever for you." She bit her lip, and you felt her go stiff.
Natasha pulled your hand from her cheek, moving so that she was positioned on one knee. "If you'll have me. Y/N will you marry me...again. I don't have a ring, but I'll get one, the ring can wait but this can't. How I feel about you can't wait. I promise I'll never leave your side, there's no one, absolutely no one I'd rather share my life with. "
You sniffled, wiping at your cheek. You smiled, a big grin that could cut through 365 days of sorrow and then some. You moved to place your forehead against hers, it was awkward because you had to work around your recovering knee, but you managed. "I love you Natasha, I always will. Of course I'll marry you. " you whispered, pressing your lips to hers.
No matter how dim and far it seemed your star would always shine brightly, even in a seemingly empty sky.