Changing Oneself (Entangled side story)

19, You Can Be Both

I returned just before the first rays of dawn started changing the sky's color. Ieli was waiting for me at the same door, and he greeted me with a relieved smile. 

I reached him, but he didn't turn to head back inside right away. Instead, he stayed where he was, arms folded over his chest in a relaxed manner, hands holding his biceps, and I watched his eyes flicker back and forth between mine. 

"I told you I wouldn't run," I said, guessing that maybe his staring was him trying to believe that I had actually come back on my own. 

"I know," he replied. "It's just... I'm getting this strange sense of deja vu. Something like deja vu, I think. So many years ago, Yenthyr was waiting in this same doorway for me, to sneak me into the castle undetected. And here I am now, doing the same with you. It's just surreal, thinking about my past self and how he had no idea that a future me would be in this spot, waiting like Yenthyr did."

I wasn't sure how to respond to his nostalgia. But his words made me think about my own future self, and places he might be, in situations that would land him in the same spots, but just at different points of a timeline. It was definitely surreal.

I glanced at the sky. Ieli noticed, and he tucked an arm around my shoulders and guided me inside. 

Back in their quarters, the three of us got ready to sleep. But as I changed in their closet, I thought about my conversation with Sang, and wondered if I preferred sleeping alone, or with others. The answer was obvious, but I toyed with the feelings anyway, testing them out, sensing where I stood. 

I checked in on my fish, feeding them, and then stepped out into their main room just as the two vampires were getting settled into their bed. Yenthyr noticed my presence at the closet doorway, and he held my gaze as he waited. Ieli caught on, and he smiled at me and held the covers up as an invitation. 

My knee jerked once, subtly, as my mind second guessed itself for a split second. But I made myself move forward, and I crawled into bed with them. They welcomed me with surprising fluidity, draping the covers over me just as I laid down, and both of their arms encircling me and tucking me close to both of them. Ieli kissed my forehead. Yenthyr tangled one of his legs with mine. 

It baffled me a little, how easily comfortable I felt the second my muscles loosened and my head nestled in their plush pillows. Sleep tugged at my eyelids in a matter of seconds. My last thought touched on how I felt safe and warm like this.

~~~

Due to Yenthyr's family placing new rules on him, I was left spending more time with Ieli than with Yenthyr. But I think I preferred having Ieli to test out being submissive with. He was far less dominant than Yenthyr, and I hoped I wouldn't feel as threatened with him if I let my guard down and gave in.

To help Yenthyr concentrate and to ensure to the other vampires that we weren't distracting him, we spent a lot of time out in the garden. There weren't many other places we could spend time in without being walked in on by someone else. The gloomy library was an option, but Ieli could only tolerate it for so long before it started to weigh down on him. There was a victorian-esque entertainment room in the castle that was commonly occupied by the other vampires, and there was another reading room that was less gloomy and smaller, but often taken by two of Yenthyr's aunts. 

Luckily, we had discovered one spot in the garden that no one hardly ever ventured by. It was tucked closer to one of the corners, farthest from the castle, and it was calmly lit by a single overhanging lamp post. The spot consisted mostly of moss, and said moss covered the ground and the semi-circle ring of large rocks, which provided a kind of barrier. Ieli would often bring a book out with us to that spot, take my gag off, and we would lounge against the rocks, cushioned by the moss.