unfinished

chapter 21

(I decided a double update was in order!)

Hobi thought back over those first few weeks. At the time it seemed to be cosmic joke.

Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday he would run from his class across the campus to make it to World Civ .  And every one of those days he would meet Olivia strolling down the hall, perpetually late due to stopping to talk to someone, changing her clothes three times or looking for her keys. 

It didn’t really matter the reason, Olivia was late for everything- all the time.

More often than not they met at the door of the class with only minutes to spare, spilling in, laughing and talking, to join Izabelle already in her seat.

She was always there before them, calm and poised, books and paper neatly arranged, ready for the day's lecture.  She would look up at them and smile, welcome them over and steal a few minutes chat before the professor arrived. 

Hoseok leaned to talk with her, always moving the opposite way of Olivia so that he could watch her face as she talked.  She always settled him before class.

It was not until years later that it ever occurred to him that her smile did not always reach her eyes or that Olivia seemed to move in ways to put herself between them.  None of those types of thoughts intruded then.

They would drift from class to the quad or the coffee shop near campus and prepare study guides or just talk.  The three of them formed a fast friendship.

They spent hours together, always the three of them, getting to know each other, growing closer each day. At some point along the way they became Izzy, Livi, and Hobi, as all formality between them dropped away.

After several months Hoseok was surprised to see Olivia serenely waiting on him before class.

She had obviously gotten there early for a change.  He slowed to catch his breath and smiled as she gave him a brief hug.  He turned to go in, but she put her hand on his arm to stop him.

“ Hoseok,” she asked, turning his complete attention to her, “ would you like to see the new movie this weekend?”

He smiled, “That would be great! Let's plan it!”

They walked into class, Hobi beaming at Isabelle.  She looked up to see them walking toward her.  He looked so happy she couldn’t help but smile back at him.

Still restless and anxious, Izzy stared at the ceiling and remembered another night in the dark with heartbreaking clarity. It was the beginning of the heartache.

She remembered seeing Olivia and Hobi coming into class that day .

Olivia seemed distracted at the time, she barely spoke as she settled in. 

Izzy worried about her. She seemed preoccupied lately.  They definitely needed some down time this weekend.  That thought was lost as the lecture started.

Later that night, after the lights were out and the night grew quiet the girls began to talk.  No topic was off limits as they chattered and laughed until yawns replaced the latest campus gossip. 

Several minutes of silence passed and Izzy felt herself drifting into sleep when Oliva spoke again, her voice almost a whisper.

“Izzy,” she called.

“mmmm" was the drowsy reply.

“I have a date with Hoseok this weekend,” Olivia said, the statement hung in the air between.

After silence that seemed to last forever she spoke again. “You’re OK with that, right?”

Izzy was now wide awake, curled on her side, her old bear hugged tight to her chest. 

“A date,” was her muffled reply.

“Yes, a movie. And then we'll see where it goes.  He is so cute, don’t you think? And then the next minute he is so freaking hot!! He drives me crazy! I can’t figure him out! But…..”

Olivia rattled on but Izzy could no longer listen.  She squeezed her eyes closed tight in an effort to stop the tears from rolling down her face. 

She buried her face in her fuzzy bear and remembered the day Hobi had come to their dorm room and plopped on her bed. 

He made a crazy face as he reached to see what was beneath him.  Liv had laughed hysterically as he pulled the tattered bear from under his seat.

He had taken one look at the bear and then looked at Izabelle.  She knew her face was flaming red in embarrassment and Olivia made it that much worse with her laugher.

But in that moment, she felt him look at her, really look, past everything he had seen before. And his eyes widened.

He was not mocking her, he did not pity her, he understood her.

She had blinked the tears away as he grabbed her hand and pulled her on the bed beside him.

“Who’s this? He asked gently.

“Just bear,” she responded.  He looked at her and gave her a smile that warmed her to her toes.

“Just Bear? No! He needs a much more noble name than that! I'll come up with something. Meanwhile," he placed the bear gently on her pillows, “here, good bear, please watch over my girl for me.”

He smiled at Izzy then mock whispered to the stuffie “ And you better let me know when something makes her sad ….oh, or if she talks about me…” he winked at Izzy then.

Liv quickly crossed the room and snuggled into the space between them, putting her arms around both of them and deftly changed the subject.

Hobi had occasionally surprised her since that day by randomly suggesting names for the bear.  Sometimes they had a heated debate about them, always they laughed.

Some days Izzy and Hobi would meet in front of the arts building, sometimes she waited for him to finish rehearsal.  She would hand him a bottle of water and they would slowly walk to the dorms or rest under the big tree in the quad.  She had come to cherish those times of quiet with him.  Things were so much calmer when it was just the two of them.  She loved Liv, but “ quiet” and “calm" were not exactly her thing.

On one of these walks she told Hobi  the bear story.  Her grandfather had bought him for her when they were on vacation. 

She had stopped and stared at it several minutes when her mom scolded her. “You are too old for such foolishness Isabelle! Come away,” she said.

But then she felt a familiar hand on her back as an arm reached around her to take the bear from the shelf.

“That’s nonsense! She's going away to college soon.  She needs someone to keep her secrets and catch her tears.” She could still hear her grandfather’s voice as he handed her the bear. “Don’t grow up too fast my Izzy!  Have lots more secrets than tears. And Don’t replace him with some trifling boy! Remember, you will never be alone.”

He grandfather had died the following year, but he was right, Bear made her feel much less alone.

But that night he was serving his other purpose.  Her tears were already soaking his soft fur as she listened to her best friend and roommate over the moon about a date with Hoseok. 

Hobi, the man she loved to laugh with. The man who already knew more about her than anyone else on the planet.  The man she longed for. 

But now he was going on a date with Olivia and all those foolish daydreams were revealed to be just that.  Her silly, childish imagination.

She pretended to fall asleep as Oliva talked, not answering her questions, not giving her congratulations. 

She cursed herself for not confessing her feelings to Olivia any one of those nights they had talked about Hobi. 

She was even madder at herself that she had not had the courage to tell Hoseok.

She fell asleep in the dawning hours of the morning, allowing herself the night to grieve.