Chasing Dreams

Thirteenth Dream

Hindi ko pa rin maintindihan.

If she really do love him, she won't do something that will hurt him. I don't think I misinterpret it dahil kitang-kita naman iyon ng dalawang mata ko. Kahit sinuman ang makakita no'n ay parehas nang iisipin ko. Kita't ramdam ko rin ang love ni Aisle sa babaeng 'yon. I'm pretty sure he'll get hurt once the truth unfolds.

Oh sure he will.

Sino namang matino ang hindi masasaktan sa oras na malaman niyang nangangaliwa ang taong mahal niya? That's pure stupidity, lalo na kung handa pa rin siyang tanggapan ang babaeng 'yon nang buong-buo.

I don't understand why others decided to do such and I refuse on doing so.

Mas mainam na ang umalis sa relasyon na wala namang patutunguhan kaysa manatili. You'll not only be destroying your life but also the people close to you.

I stifled a smile as flashes of memories return to me. From when I am still a little girl who keep on searching for her parent's love and affection, up to my teenage years where I stood solely for myself because no one will ever do, until today wherein I am slowly being ripped off from my accustomed life because of worthless persons.

Agad kong iniling ang ulo dahil hindi naman dapat ako nagdradrama ngayon. I am perfectly fine. I maybe struggling but I am coping well. Hindi naman ako si Alaina kung hahayaan ko na lang magpatalo. I can and will always win the battle I put myself into.

At isa pa, why am I even thinking about this?

Hindi ko na dapat ito pinagiisipan pa nang maigi.

There are only two choices. It is whether I'll tell Aisle about what I saw or I'll just keep my mouth shut?

It is as simple as that pero bakit nahihirapan pa rin akong pumili nang dapat kong gawin? I shouldn't be dwelling on this. I should make a choice now for it not to bother me anymore. Hindi naman ako involve kaya dapat ay madali kong mapagdesisyunan ang susunod kong gagawin.

But how come I couldn't?

"Ciara, what if you happened to know something that will ruin someone's happiness? Will you tell that person the truth? Or hindi ka na lang magsasalita?"

"Bakit? Gaano ba kalaki ang magiging damage?"

"Enough to break someone's heart."

"Mukhang mahirap 'yan ah. Ideally kasi kailangan mong sabibin para hindi na lumala ang sitwasyon. Baka maagapan pa. Mahirap din naman kasing mabuhay sa isang kasinungalingan. Akala mo ito ang totoo. Akala mo maayos ang lahat. Akala mo walang maaring sikreto ang sisira sa'yo pero hindi pala. Sa paglabas no'n, tuluyan kang nawasak dahil sa mga maling akala."

"So is it safer to assume not to say something? Gano'n ba? Para lang maiwasan ang mga unnecessary circumstances na pwedeng mangyari."

"Alam kong mahirap talagang pumili. Pero kung kaya mo rin namang sabihin ay sa tingin ko'y mas mabuti 'yon."

"But..." I said, in which I couldn't find the next words to say.

He'll get hurt... Pero di ba mas masakit ang patuloy maniwala sa isang kasinungalingan? Or maybe, I am wrong. Maybe it is better not to know a thing just to save himself from drowning.

"Bakit nga ba masyado kang bothered ng impormasyong alam mo? Alam mo ang mga gusto mong mangyari at ang mga maari mong gagawin upang mag-e-end up ka sa resultang gusto mo. Bakit parang sobrang nalilito ka?"

She's right though.

Ganoon naman talaga ako. Hindi naman dapat talaga ako namomroblema dahil in the first place, I don't want to meddle with their business. This shouldn't be an exception just because this includes Aisle. We are even not in our best terms for now. I doubt na makikinig siya sa akin, at kung sakaling oo man, what will he think next? Siguro nga it is best if I'll choose what's best for me and our current situation. Dapat ay hindi siya ang iniisip ko.