Letters To Harry

25 - Getting Answers

Harry's POV

I ran. I closed the door to the flat and I ran. i didn't know where I was going or how long I spent getting there, I just ran. I ignored the paparazzi trying to take pictures of me in my frantic state. I ignored the beeping car horns as I crossed the streets blindly. I ignored the shouts of several fans trying to follow me. I ran and ran without stopping. I finally ran out of places to run when I ended up on a bridge in the middle of a deserted park. I leaned on the railing, panting and trying to catch my breath. 

It was cold, being February, and the coat I was wearing was light and didn't offer much protection. The wind blew my hair into my eyes and I brushed it away impatiently. I shoved my hands into my pockets but soon realized that it didn't make a difference. I clutched the railing, turning my knuckles white. I looked into the dark water beneath the bridge, not quite frozen over. I thought back to Liam's face this morning. What could have happened that made him feel that bad? And why was he scared of me?

I closed my eyes, trying to get away from it. I gasped when an image flew to the front of my mind. It was Liam, cowering against the wall in front of me. I was yelling at him, words I couldn't quite make out. Then I was moving closer, my right arm raised. Liam was crying now. My fist flew into his face, connecting with his nose. I watched, helpless, seeing myself laugh cruelly as blood covered his face and leaving without offering any help to him.

My eyes snapped open in horror. I had done that to him?! I blinked, and my eyes unwillingly glued shut again. Louis was teasing me, joking around again about our bromance. I still liked him a lot, it was hard to see him acting like this and knowing it wasn't real. He followed me into the kitchen and it started to actually piss me off. He came closer and I shoved him into the counter, watching and seeing a strange pleasure cover my face as he passed out cold on the floor.

I shook my head, but couldn't block out the image of Niall. His bottom lip was trembling as I shouted cruel words at him. I yelled that he was worthless, that his voice was terrible, that he was ugly. I told him he should leave the band. I could tell that this was a long time ago, he still had his long hair and I could see Zayn next to him, holding his hand.

I watched as Zayn stepped in front of Niall, trying to protect him from me. I got up in Zayn's face, trying to intimidate him. Zayn pushed me away from his (at that time) boyfriend and I slapped him across the face, leaving an angry red mark.

I shivered now, remembering all these things I'd done and not remembered. Then different memories came flooding in.

Louis and I laying on the floor of the X Factor studio and belting out Summer Of '69 at the top of our lungs. 

Zayn and I eating candy floss while the other boys rode rollercoasters at Dinsey Land.

Niall laughing like mad at my impersonation of Louis' famous dance moves.

Liam holding my hand while I got a shot at the doctor's office.

Shooting the music video for What Makes You Beautiful in LA.

Accepting our first BRIT award.

Releasing our second album.

Performing Rock Me and Gotta Be You on their respective tours with the lyric changes.

Recording songs together in the studio.

Our vacation in Cuba when we all got sick and spent the whole trip whining about the sun.

Liam getting chlomydia from a koala.

Dating Louis.

Meeting Alia.