Empress of Self-Ruin

Chapter 5: Window to the Past

I opened my eyes to the same, deep-maroon curtains of my canopy bed. The same, soft pillows beneath my head and the same, warm quilt covering my body. At the recognition, the frustration hit me all at once and I screamed at the top of my lungs.

Earlier this morning, in my semi-unconscious state, I had vaguely overheard Eli and Mary talking next to my bed.

"There is something definitely not right about Her Majesty ever since the day after the banquet," Eli had said.

"I know," Mary had replied. "But you shouldn't say something like that, Eli. It'd be disrespectful to Her Majesty."

"You're right, Mary. But I'm just... I'm just worried about Her Majesty's mental state. What if—"

I had lost my consciousness again right at that moment so I didn't hear what Eli said after that. But it wasn't hard to guess what they must have thought of me.

Great. Now they think I'm insane, I scoffed, throwing the blanket off my body.

"It's all our fault that Your Majesty fell into the lake. We should have... we should have followed Your Majesty no matter what," said Eli in between sobbing.

"Your Majesty was so lucky some guards happened to be patrolling at the time," Mary added. "They heard the splash and immediately came running. If not—" She didn't get to finish her words and just burst into tears again.

I had been hearing Eli and Mary crying and repeating the same words over and over again for the past two hours and it did nothing other than add to my aggravation.

But still, I didn't bother to correct them. It would only be a bother if they asked how I fell into the lake. It was not like I could just casually tell them, Oh, don't worry, I was just trying to take my own life. It was surely only going to lead to another uproar.

But seriously, why do I have to wake up again? I'm so sick of this.

I felt a terrible sense of emptiness, and I didn't know how long it would last. I just wanted to end it once and for all, but I couldn't even do that. Tsk... God must really hate me.

I sighed for what must have been the thousandth time that morning. Mary heard and immediately poured me some water. "Please drink something, Your Majesty," she said. "We don't want you to catch another cold and—"

Before I could bring the glass to my lips, I gasped, making the water spill over my hand. I was no longer in bed; I was on a desk, eyes focusing on a strange rectangular object before me. A desk that was mine but also not mine, and instead of water, it was a beer in a... can?

The memory disappeared just as quickly as it came. My memories. No, not me, but Park Hanbyeol, another me, back when I was a thirty-year-old Korean music producer with my own successful online shop.

And suddenly I remembered everything. My parents, my home... even my last days. I scrunched my brows and concentrated on the last thing I remembered. It must have been past midnight... I had left my recording studio after finishing work with the infamously rude and arrogant idol, Cho Sarang.

That girl really lived up to her reputation, so at first, I had been quite reluctant to work with her. But after much deliberation, I had decided to just give it a shot; after all, as a music producer, working with one of Korea's biggest superstars was an achievement in itself.

I knew the song would be a hit, and the success of the project would bring me to a higher level in my career. But fate had been playing a joke on me.

I had been walking home alone that night when I noticed that someone had been following me. I had heard that a lot of young women were being stalked, so I was getting paranoid.