Empress of Self-Ruin

Chapter 19: Obscure Sorrows

TRIGGER WARNING: This chapter contains an explicit depiction of some events that happened to Calypso in the first timeline. These scenes take place in a memory/nightmare scenario and will be in italics if you wish to skip them. Please don't force yourself to read if you are easily triggered by these subjects!

The sun was out again. Cracks of early spring rays shone through the windows into my study.

It was almost blissful.

Almost.

Except I hated the sun.

The bright sunshine was always like a mockery to me.

It was days like these that I wished for rain. The rainy days always came with its heaven-given soundtrack, as if an invitation to rest, to relax, to let the ever-steady moment expand into dreamy, poetic wonderings.

Perhaps it was not normal to love rainy days so much.

But who cares about normal anyway?

I was pretty sure normal was a made-up thing.

I scrunched my forehead as I worked through the pile of documents one by one. Xavier was seated on a comfy armchair opposite me, legs and arms crossed, eyes focused on me.

Ever since he came to the capital, he made it a habit to visit me in the Imperial Palace every day from dawn till dusk. He would spend his days in my study just watching while I worked. We would have lunch together, and he would not go home until late before dinner.

He always served his purpose well, so I just let him do whatever he pleased.

The good thing was that his presence also gave me a good reason to avoid unnecessary meetings with Marquess Villarreal. We had stumbled across him on our way to lunch one day, and I had to endure an awkward conversation while my half-brother stood silently with only an amused look on his face.

"Please send all the gifts I received from Marquess Villarreal to my uncle—oh, and please include a greeting card as well," I had instructed Rowan in the morning.

Xavier had burst into laughter as soon as we were alone, muttering about that poor guy and something along that line.

"I bet your uncle will be pleased to receive such thoughtful gifts from his favorite niece," he had commented.

"I'm his only niece," I replied dryly.

"Right," he chuckled. "But it's still kind of bizarre to see you being so chummy with him as of late."

"He's been a great help to me lately." I shrugged.

"Even more than me?"

"Well, I noticed that you've also been doing a splendid job with the task I've assigned you—the rumors have even reached the Imperial Palace."

"I know you won't accept anything less than perfection." He shrugged. "You haven't answered my question though. Does he help you more than me?"

"No one is helping me more than you," I finally said.

He somehow looked smug—satisfied at hearing my answer, and I had to try hard not to roll my eyes.

The rest of the afternoon passed like a blur. Xavier had occasionally helped me with the paperwork, which I wasn't complaining about. I bet it must be boring just to watch me work all day. Besides, I was moody and unpleasant to be around, yet he always spoiled my attempts to spite him.

I looked up presently, his midwinter eyes still looking into mine with a lovely shimmer in them. The color reminded me of home—of the northern part of the empire where it snowed almost all year long.