I Should've Known: Book Two

Hazel

New Year's Eve. I haven't cried so much. I thought I was going to die one day while I was driving to work and my vision blurred. I parked on a curb and tried to breathe before driving again.

But the clock struck midnight and it was a new year. Everyone clapped and kissed and hugged. I only faded away and sobbed in the supply room on Peds. My heart a year ago on that night stood on the Eiffel Tower. This time, it did jump and it dropped instead of flying. It burst and disintegrated.

The only moment my tears hold back are when I'm at work. Children have been such a blessing to me. They help me forget. They remind me how beautiful life is despite of my mistakes.

Mistakes. It's all my fault. I can't sleep as my mind runs through these past few weeks. Every single argument started because I said no. I kick myself for running away. Now he's ran away and I can't reach out.

My head feels like it's going to burst. Migraines come back. It's been years since I've had these kind of migraines. I hold onto the bridge of my nose and take deep breaths. My stomach growls angrily at me but I ignore it. I still feel like puking every time I see food.

"Hey, Hazel." I hear a soft voice behind me and I turn to see Grace give me bright worried eyes from her section on the counter. "Are you okay?"

"It's just headaches," I say with a tight smile. "I'll be fine."

"Have gone to get dinner yet?"

"I'll be fine."

"You should get something to eat. You skipped lunch again."

"I'm fine."

I turn back to my computer with a clenched jaw that shoots a new stab up my brain. I don't hear Grace move or say anything, but Ash happened to be around and listened to it all. She turns my chair around so I can see the golden specks in her hazel eyes. Her voice is a soft firmness as she says, "Look. I don't know what's going on, but you need to eat and sleep. Don't run away from your problems again."

And just like that, my lips start to quiver. She steps back in surprise as my eyes let out tears and Grace is quick to hold me. Her gentle hold reminds me of Adam's hold and I can't hold in the sob any longer. I can barely hear Ash telling Wolf and Keon to take over for us as she gently guides me to the small break room just on the wall behind us.

They close the door shut and I can feel Grace wrap an arm around my shoulders as she sits next to me on the couch. Ash just stands in front of me until I calm down and she softly says, "Did someone hurt you, Hazel?"

I sniffle and shake my head. "Adam left. He broke up with me."

Their eyes grow wide and they exchange surprised looks. But Ash is the first to speak up again. "What happened?"

I shrug as I wipe the last of my tears before my migraine gets worse. "It didn't work out. He wanted to get married. I'm not ready."

"I'm..." Grace for the first time does not know how to comfort me. It's a surprise to anyone that knew us. We were so compatible. Perfect. Our love made us glow but the light was diminished too quickly for us to fix it.

My lips begin to quiver again when Ash and Grace just hug me without any words. It's the same cycle all over again as I begin to quietly sob. Frustration mixes with my tears as I say, "I love him. I love him! I just wasn't ready! Why couldn't he wait? Why is he so stupid and so pure?!"

Once again, my chest starts to tighten as tears blur my vision. Grace reminds me to breathe as she rubs my back and Ash sits by me now. They stay silent as I spill my heart to the last glimpse of family I have left. "It's my fault. I should've said yes. I should've—"