I Should've Known: Book Two

Hazel

It's my birthday today. Last year, I was going through the same stupid thing. I had problems with my boyfriend and it ruined my day.

Last night, he was not home when I got there. I miss him so much. My heart sobs knowing of the mistake I've done. Why didn't I just say yes? Why do I have to be such a coward?

Quiet tears fell down on my pillow until I fell asleep.

The next morning, I wake up to an empty bed. But it's messy on my other side. That means he came home late at night and slept by my side. Why do I have to be so oblivious? I wish I could have heard him and given him a tight hug. It's been so cold lately.

I take a quick shower and change into my scrubs. I try hard to ignore the aching feeling in my heart as I do the bed. I check my phone in the kitchen and let out a small sigh. The other day, I left my mother another voicemail telling her my phone number. Maybe she just doesn't have my phone number and that's why she doesn't call.

I left that a week ago. Why do I always think she'll call me? My heart shatters and I swallow down tears with my cold coffee. I'm not even hungry anymore. I think I'm going out for a run before work instead.

As I start to my room again, I hear the front door open and I jump. My eyes grow wide when I see Adam enter with grocery bags and in his long coat. He takes off his hat and locks eyes with me. I hold in my breath and brace for his stabbing look.

But he smiles and says, "Happy birthday, my dear! I'm sorry I wasn't there to wake up with you, but I remembered you like cinnamon rolls and it would be a nice addition to the breakfast I'll make for you."

"You're making me breakfast?" I say with tears starting down my cheeks.

"Yes. Indeed." He starts taking out the items in his bag and I let out a chuckle.

"Thank you. You didn't have to."

"I know, but Madeline suggested I do something nice today."

Wait. Why is my heart stabbed? I watch him start to do my breakfast with a smile but...it still hurts. Madeline told him to do this? So he wouldn't have done anything if it weren't for Madeline?

Stop. At least he's doing something. I could have nothing right now. Not a single hug or hello. So I push aside the stabbing pain. It's so easy to bury it away now that I wipe my tears away and give his shoulder a kiss. He does a warm smile as I hug him from behind.

I don't care how much it hurts. I love him. I need him. I missed him so much that I'd be willing to let my heart shatter every time his lips taste mine.

We had a nice breakfast. Some things were burnt but the thought of it was enough for me. We talked about our weeks and I asked him how things are going with his mother. I couldn't really get any information from Madeline since she decided to...

I push aside the painful memory. I still don't understand why she said those things. Not even when I kicked her out of our dorm did she say such hurtful words. I want to believe that she was just having a stressful day but now that I know that these sweet gestures from Adam are actually Madds' idea, is that her way of trying to ask for my forgiveness? Can she not come up to me and tell me how sorry she is herself?

These thoughts ruin my wonderful morning as they try to make me realize the blindfold I'm putting on myself. Don't you see? Adam isn't okay and Madeline is using Adam to try to make me forget her hurtful words.

I guess my heart is getting to the point that lying to myself will stop it from feeling any pain from the numb stabs of life. The only genuine happiness I find is in the group of children in the Oncology floor that greet me with a large poster and shouting, "Happy birthday, Doctor Hazel!"