I Should've Known: Book Two

Madeline

So this is how it feels like to fly.

My wings spread just as high as they did when I first held Mathew. My baby boy looks so handsome with his little tie and shiny black shoes. Mateo made sure to choose his outfit for today.

My parents came back after two weeks. My mother looked beautiful. She still does as she helps me in my wedding dress. It was a wild time. These past two months were so fast that I forget most of the hustle I did with my mother and Mrs. Reyes. But all that stress was worth it as I stand in front of the long mirror and look at myself in a white dress. It has a little bit of beige among the structured designs on my arms. It sparkles just like his eyes did the day I met him.

My mother stands behind me with a beautiful smile. It's ironic. Ever since she stopped her treatment she looks healthier. Her eyes shine with life and glory. They shine with tears streaming down when she takes a step back to look at me. She covers her mouth to cry and Mrs. Reyes gently wraps her arms around my mother. Tears of my own threaten to come down my cheeks at her happiness. I tell my eyes to take pictures. I tell my mind to never forget this moment. It'll be worth remembering when she's gone...

Mrs. Reyes tells us that she'll step out to check on Mateo. I give her a nod and a polite smile. I tell her, "Gracias." She smiles wide knowing that I'm getting better at my Spanish.

I wait for her to walk out and then I look back at my mother. I feel like I'm fifteen years old again when she was celebrating my birthday. She made a huge birthday party and she bought me a dress that made me feel like a princess. Just like then, I give her a worried look and softly say, "Are you sure I look okay, Mom? I'm nervous."

I know the same memory is running through her head as she steps up and warmly holds my cheek. I let my head fall into her warmth as I hear her say, "You are perfect. You have always been. And now...he will see how perfect you are. This is an important moment, Madeline. Open your eyes and take it in. Let it speak to you. Let it be a part of you."

I open my eyes and the first thing I take in is my mother. My heart trembles knowing that this could be one of few beautiful memories I will share with her after stopping chemo. Then I take in my brother as he stands tall by my door. He seems so concentrated in fixing his tie and I gently step up to help him. His eyes lock with mine and they shine. Pride and happiness. No more fear. No more despair. Just as it should be...

"You look beautiful, Madeline," he softly says.

I give his cheek a soft kiss and say, "Thank you. I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you."

His eyes soften and reflect his heart melting. He knows. If it weren't for his stupid decision to leave to America to study, I wouldn't be flying.

Then I see my best friend. Her eyes carry a different kind of sadness. The one I noticed when she first moved in our dorm. A sadness that seems to be a part of her now. But I still saw the beauty I see in her now. A special beauty I hope someone will see from afar and know that her heart is as pure as her smile is.

She gives me a gentle hug and whispers, "I'm by your side all the way through."

"You are my Maid of Honor after all," I playfully say. "Oh! You will still sing, right?"

"Yes. I will. Don't you worry about anything. This is your day. Now smile wide and enjoy."

She smiles and her eyes shine with pride. If only she could see how proud I am of her. I owe her my whole life. If it weren't for her bravery, I wouldn't even be alive to be a mother and now a wife. My heart shrinks knowing that if someday she were to be in my position, she would not have a family to hold her and remind her how beautiful she is. I'm glad she said no. It would be too painful for her to be in this position with no one.

Without a father that looks at her like mine is now. With this shine in his eyes...I've never seen it in him. It makes my heart fly even higher. My lips start to quiver as I put my arm in his like I used when I was a child. He is still the most amazing man I'll ever meet. His eyes show how much he is fighting with tears. He clears his throat several times to give me a long hug and whisper, "I love you, my dear. I loved you first..."

The world is silent as I melt in my father's arms. I suddenly feel safe. Like the world doesn't exist. We are alone. No noise. No voices mumbling outside. No music. Just the music in our hearts. I smile at the soft kiss he gives my temple. It helps let my tears slowly fall out as my heart recognizes this hold. It recognizes his quiet eyes telling me that I've done everything just right.

It's enough to let that guilt go. I look over at my mother and give her hand a soft squeeze. She winks at me and Adam joins her warm smile.

The sound of high heels come in the hallway. It's Hazel with Matthew in arms. My heart jumps and remembers the first glimpse of the joy I would have on this day. I give him a big kiss on his cheeks and he happily calls me that word that makes the world disappear.

"It's time," Hazel softly says. Her sad eyes stay on me only as I take a deep breath.

I look up at my father and he gives me a reassuring smile. "This is it, my dear. The rest of your life awaits."

I watch the rest of my life walk down the aisle. I watch my brother make his way to his spot by the altar to give the university band a thumbs up. They begin to play a beautiful melody. Just the melody of La Vie En Rose. It's a song I dance to with Mateo.

Then I watch my mother slowly start down the aisle with Matthew in arms. I smile when I see him throw rose petals down the aisle and people melt at the scene. I watch my mother take her place by my brother and then looks back at us. Her smile softens and she nods.

This is it.

Nerves stir up until my eyes lock with the rest of my life. I slowly walk down and everyone around disappears. The warmth of my father's hold and knowing my best friend is behind me helps me walk forward. My heart flies forward; eager to become one with his.

His eyes start to water. His parents smile with pride by his side. But he ignores them. I ignores everyone around us as I look deep into those dark brown eyes. His warm olive skin combines with the silky color of his suit. His dark waves look curly with the undercut done on him. His smile is like the one I fell in love with.

He still makes my heart race. He still makes it melt. Now I can't wait for it to fly when I finally say, "I do."

My father's warmth is replaced by Mateo as I put my hand in his with a beautiful ring shining in between. We happily watch Hazel play her favorite love song to us as she holds her guitar and lets the sound of her voice beautifully echo in this garden. Everyone is silent as they all watch her melt away. I have to be impressed that she even learned the first part of the song in French.

Then I hold onto my baby boy. I give his temple a kiss as we prepare to cut the cake. He happily jumps on my hip and reaches for it. So I carefully hold his hand so we can put it on Mateo's and the three of us cut the cake. Everyone cheers and my heart soars as I let the twinkling lights above me guide me back to Mateo.

I give his lips a long kiss and Matthew quickly interrupts as he gently pushes him away from me. We all giggle at his gesture and I hold him close. I cradle my son, our son, as my heart remembers the beautiful piece I was given that gave sense to my messy world.

At last, no matter what happens in life, we'll always have each other.

Just the three of us.