Heartstopper Oneshots 😮‍💨😮‍💨

mirror - 🌱💗

angst ending with fluff
kinda heavy
tw: panic attack, self-harm, insulting/yelling, mention of suicide
enjoy! <3
-

Charlie's phone buzzed for the fourth time that hour, but once again he just buried his head deeper in his pillow. He was having a horrible day - specifically, with body image. Charlie subconsciously pushed himself away from his loved ones and didn't take care of himself when this happened, and Nick was learning how to react effectively without accidentally hurting the boy's feelings.
Charlie's ringtone started to sound, an alluring part of For The First Time by Mac de Marco ringing loudly through the dark room, slightly echoey. He groaned and reluctantly looked at the screen.

loser<3
incoming call
accept | decline

Charlie sighed and listened the sound of the song for a split second, swaying his head to the music, before answering the call. A familiar voice could be immediately heard.
"Hey love!! Are you feeling okay?"
"Uh..." Charlie said quietly. You could basically see the frown that quickly appeared on the boy on the other side of the line.
"Charlie, love... do you want me to come over?" he said in a surprisingly soothing voice, causing goosebumps to appear on Charlie's arms. A single tear rolled down the boy's small face.
"Y-yes, please..." he said, with a barely audible sob. Shuffling was heard from the other side.
"I'll see you in 10 minutes, okay? Stay safe, my love."
"Alright."
As the phone call cut off Charlie sat completely still on his bed, spacing out, his thoughts swirling carelessly around his head. He grabbed his head with both hands, trying to get the voice out of his head.
"...shut up... shut up... shut up. Shut up. SHUT UP!" He let out a sob and threw his phone away, one of the corners directly hitting the full body mirror in front of his bed, shattering it to pieces. He gasped as he instinctively moved back, his hands trembling as he placed them on his eyes, now having a full-on panic attack.
"No. Oh no, oh no, oh no... mad, he's going to be mad... oh no..." Charlie curled up into a ball. A few sharp pieces from the mirror had fallen onto his arms, causing little red lines to appear on his arms. He hissed as the pain worsened, physically and emotionally.
Just then he heard a knock on the door.
He immediately sobbed again, standing up nervously and clumsily rushing down the stairs, a complete mess. He grabbed the door handle trembling, and there he saw a soaked and worried Nick - it was pouring outside. Nick's eyes widened as he saw the state of the boy, hugging him quickly and then pulling him up and carrying him in that hug position, while he closed he main door and Charlie wrapped his legs around Nick and cried onto his shoulder.
Nick then hurried to Charlie's bedroom, closing the door behind him, and discovering the mess of the bedroom - a shattered mirror and little bloods stains on the messy bedsheets. He sighed sadly and tightened the hug with the small boy he was carrying. He heard a muffled "Are you mad?" through his hoodie and he looked at the crying boy bewildered. "Why would I be mad??" Nick whispered. Charlie jumped down from Nick's arms, a sudden wave of rage and desperation overcoming him as he glared at the other. Nick's heart started to beat even faster, his hands starting to shake a little as he desperately tried to remember if he accidentally hurt his favorite person somehow.
"Stop acting as if you care! I'm so tired of everyone acting! I can see right through your little tricks, did you know that? I know you are planning on leaving me behind sometime, you twat! Stop acting as if you love me, you know damn right I'm permanently unlovable! Stop treating me like I'm stupid, you bastard. I know that you're like the others who act like they give a shit about me but then leave me to cry! I swear to god, I-I'm about to kill myself from stress, just like I tried to... last... year..." Charlie yelled, tears flowing down his cheeks.
Silence filled the room for a few seconds as the boy's sudden confidence and fury started to falter, him burying his face in his hands and sniffing.
"Y-you... just... stop. Please... I don't want to go through everything again... I think it'll finish me off, and I'm really trying to get better... why can't... why can't you s-see that..?" he said more quietly by every word. Nick, hurt by the boy's words, looked down, starting to feel a little insecure himself. He looked around the room and then swiftly left, making the other boy look up, snapping back to reality. He watched Nick leave and it felt like a punch in the gut.
"Oh... oh no. I'm so stupid. So, so stupid. I hurt him. I love him so, so much, and I hurt him. The voice is right, I'm such an idiot..." he said to himself, nearly passing out from emotional distress.
About ten seconds later, Nick entered the bedroom again with a broom. He smiled weakly at Charlie and started to clean the mirror's pieces that lay on the floor. Charlie blinked shocked, processing everything. Then he stood up as fast as he could and run up to hug Nick from behind, crying once again.
"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry.. I'm so sorry. I... I'm an idiot. I'm too unstable. I didn't mean to... Shit. Ugh... i'm so sorry. I understand if you now think I'm a crazy, manipulative bastar-"
he was cut of by a tender forehead kiss as Nick turned around to hug him properly.
"I know you didn't mean to actually hurt me. Don't worry. I'd never stop loving you for something like that. You're my favorite person, you know? I know you're having a hard time." Nick said softly, swaying the boy in his arms. Charlie sniffed and smiled.
"I-I... don't deserve you, Nick. You're literally too amazing, I... I'm so grateful I have someone like you. I'm sorry I'm like this, you deserve a mentally stable and caring boyfriend... not... whatever I am..." he said weakly. Nick looked at him shocked.
"What?! Nonono, you are amazing. You are beautiful. You are lovable, and loved. I love you so much, Charlie... you don't even know." Nick said, giving him another forehead kiss. They smiled at each other and looked into each other's eyes, sparking with love and care. Then they giggled a little and broke the hug.

"Uhm, let's clean up, okay?" Nick said. Charlie nodded.
"Yeah."