Denki X BNHA males

so...

Im just finna rant, vent whatever you wanna call it, and just say ANYTHING that pops I my head arm bc I'm not liking the shit in my head💀.
Please if you know me don't spread this, and if you wanna comment go ahead, I'm okay with criticism, and helpful comments. 
I'm goin through alot. 😅 Kinda weak of me lol, but idrc I need a rant/vent.
(Also coming up here to write, yes I'm having a Girl, I won't tell her name bc privacy reasons,
Remember
S/D is  my Ex I've told y'all Abt before in past chapters.)

Ahem, okay.

I'm worried I might not be a good Parent to my kid, reason being, I'm 16 man, idk how I'm gonna raise a kid when I'm still sitting here having a hard time taking care of myself, I mean literally, my mental state goes from good to bad over one little thing happening or if I think/remember shit Abt the EX.

I'm scared for what the future holds, like deadly scared.

Ik I can take care of stuff like, changing diapers, taking care of them when their sick, bathing, watching them, cleaning/healing boo-boo's, loving them, scolding them, and trying to raise them to be a good person.

But that doesn't help the deep dread and fear I have, what the hell do I do about the Father? S/D is a fucking roach, you think you've killed'em, but he just keeps coming back.

I can't say shit about some shit he's said.

I wanted an abortion, alot of the time. Voiced it, said it multiple times while hysterical.
S/D's wished miscarriage on me, and said he'd pay for a abortion.

But the only reason for saying i wanted abortion was bc I was fucking terrified, all S/D and I did was fight, and shit, over tiny things and half of'em wasn't even bc I was pregnant, and my hormones, it was him getting angry over tiny shit, and insulting shit I liked etc.

But.

S/D what worried me with him, is I won't ever be able to hide from him, and run away, I won't ever be safe, I'm paranoid, and scared I barely feel safe in my home half the time.

I just want to feel safe, but S/D prevents that, he scares the fuck out of me.

I don't want him to randomly show up one day, and attack me, and take my kid.
Or show up and attack me and the kid.

The amount of times I've woken up bc of a nightmare of that shit, or stayed up all night, bc of those thoughts, is unhealthy.

The thought of him knowing where I live, and living close by (he's staying with his new gf, and told me she lived rlly close to me) , makes me feel icky, and unsafe.

Just a week or so ago I had a whole breakdown and shit bc I felt like his hands were all over me, touching me, and it was like I could hear his voice saying my name, calling me petnames, and shit.
I took it out on my family kinda sorta, and hurt my Mom by asking her not to touch me at all, bc i didnt want to be touched bc of how triggered I was by it.

I don't want S/D to take my baby. His dad's wealthy from what ive seen, the boy practically flaunts his daddy's money in everyone's face.

But his dad's also an alcoholic, (always had a beer in hand whenever i saw him, even drank while mf driving) .

His mom's a drug addict, a snitch for the cops, and abusive. (From what he's told me)

But their basically 'rich' and hey, look at me, my family we're fucking poor.

Barely surviving bc my mom has to take care of me, my sister, and 22yo mentally ill brother (Mild retardation, and ADHD).

Spending money for the pregnancy, and shit.
My brother can't get a job, bc he can't fuckin focus, and is basically a 10yo in a grown man's body.
My sister's too young to work.