This is more or so for me, bc I need comfort rn. So please just ignore if you want, it is a chapter(update) but it's based on comforting a sad, depresso Kami going through his feels. (And some of my own thoughts mixed with his 😅) it's just gonna dive right in with a sad Kami.
Human!Tokoyami (still has dark shadow quirk, hes just human, no beak or whatever lol)
TW:Mention of wanting to SH, crying, self doubt, mentions of anxiety.
Shortish in my opinion
1427 words________
Kaminaris P.O.VI sniffled playing with my fingers, feeling a bit anxious, I don't exactly know why, Toko's always been understanding and so Lovings, it's just so hard to talk to people.
Especially when it comes to feelings like these, and about past SH issues.
"Kami. Talk to me, love, please. Let me know what's going on in the beautiful mind of yours, yeah?" Tokoyami said, grabbing my hand, I looked down not knowing what to say, how do I even start with what's going on in my mind? There's so much. After a few minutes of silence, I manage to let out a quiet 'How?'.
"Just tell me the first thing that pops up, hm? Or just start with whatever you feel comfortable sharing."Tokoyami smiled a bit, squeezing my hand lightly.
I take a deep breath, 'Sh thoughts? Worrying if I'm worthy or not of his love? Will I be good enough in my future child's eyes?'
Yes, you read that right. Me and Toko are in the process of adopting a kid. Sweet little girls 1year old her names 'Akami'.
I let out a shaky breath, "I thought about harming myself.. I didn't. But it scared me."I mumbled, closing my eyes tightly keeping my head down, "it's been a year or more. Ive done good, but the feeling was overwhelming and scary, I felt as if it would've been the only solution, the only way to help, the only thing I'd feel in control of. When in reality, it's what would've been in control again. Toko it's been a long time since I felt that way, I don't know why I felt that way and it scares me, I don't want to go through that again.. I wanted to harm myself." I said, opening my eyes, I felt them become watery a few tears escaping, I felt myself shaking slightly.
Tokoyami rubbed my hand with the pad of his thumb, squeezing my hand lightly. "Love, look at me okay?" He hummed, he sounded so calm, and collected unlike me, who was crying and sounding so weak, so fucking weak, I felt his hand lightly grab my chin making me look up.
I looked into his eyes sniffling, he was smiling so lovingly at me, was I really worth that loving smile, that sweet gaze.
"You are so strong, my sweet. I'm sorry you have to go through this, and I'm glad you told me about it, my little warrior." He smiled praising me, I only felt more tears stream down my face at the praises I felt I didn't deserve, "Whenever you feel like that if you can, come to me immediately I'll help you through it the best I can, and if you do relapse love, I'll be here always, right here no matter what." He smiled raising his hand to my face, he wiped my tears, "I know it's scary, Kami, but you're strong, and you have me and our friends to help you fight through it, you'll have us by you to help whenever you need it. Soon you have little Akami as well." He stated, "You'll get through this Kam, even if you don't think so, you will, it's scary as fuck, terrifying, but you'll make you because you're, Denki Kaminari, the strongest most amazing man on earth." Tokoyami continued, I chuckled quietly slightly smiling while squeezing his hand lightly, using my free hand to slightly wipe the tears from my face, though it proved useless as more followed.
"I know there's more please continue love." Tokoyami mumbled.
"Akami. Toko. If I'm this weak, having these thoughts, of harming myself, having panic attacks, self doubt, all this. If I'm weak like this, how am I going to be a good Parent for her? There's no way.. I'll be a worthless sorry excuse of a Father." I whispered avoiding his eyes as he slightly glared, his eye narrowing.
"Denki Kaminari. You take that back. Me and you both know you will be an amazing parent. ADHD mental illnesses and shit won't make you a bad father! When we met Akami she practically fell in love with you the moment you held her, there's no doubt in my mind that no matter what anyone else says, that little girl will always love you. Kami you worried about so many things, Money, Setting up her room, Doctors, Cleaning, everything. Before we were even considered to be her parents. If anything you'll do better then me, love. I forgot babies couldn't eat certain things, and that she was allergic to blueberries!" Tokoyami exclaimed, I giggled quietly remembering how he tried to give her a blueberry pancake.
"Kami, Akami misses you, just yesterday she was balling on the phone and wouldn't stop until you sang her to sleep, you've stolen that girls heart." Tokoyami chuckled moving to sit next to me, he pulled me into his arms, holding me.
I let out a sigh, "i know, I still just feel so weak because of these things, the SH incident... It made me feel so unworthy of you Toko, unworthy of your love. You treat me so good yet, I become a coward, and nearly resort to SH, rather then talk to you." I mumbled playing with Tokoyamis hand, I felt his tense up, making me worry, fuck what did i say.
"Baby. I love you so much, you have no right to feel unworthy of my love, when it is me who deems you worthy of it, you've always and will continue to always have all of my love, and be worthy of it. Both you and Akami. In the end, even if you feel unworthy of it. That does not matter. All you have to remember is that I think you are worthy of it. Worthy of my time, my love, my kisses, my hugs, my everything. Me." Tokoyami stated, he's always hated it whenever I tell him I felt unworthy of him and his love. I know it makes him feel disrespected in a way, because I looked down on myself, and shit.
"Kami, I will always love you no matter what. No matter if you stop loving me and decide you want someone else, I will always love and choose you. I will stay by your side no matter what, as a friend, as a lover, as your companion." Tokoyami said, bringing my hand up to his mouth pecking it.
"Kami, you're a fighter, always have been, always will be. It's okay to take a break, and talk to someone when you need help, but it's never okay to stop fighting and not talk to someone. I can't help if you don't tell me this stuff. I don't care if we're having an amazing day, and having so much fun, if you feel upset, or bad thoughts hit. You tell me. Tell me so i can make you feel better. I don't care what it is or if it makes you feel silly because you think it's a small thing, like you dropped your pizza, and it upset you to the core, it was your last straw. If it upsets you it's serious to me. I will do everything in my power to make you feel better, happy. And if you ever need to rant, or just cry, I'll sit here and be that shoulder for you to cry on, and be that ear you can rant to."Tokoyami says, holding me close, running his fingers through my hair, occasionally pecking my head. "Always and forever I'll be here." He muttered.
I cried silently holding onto him. "Thank you, Toko." I cried gripping onto his shirt, "I love you.." I sniffled burying my face in his chest.
I feel him rub my back, "I love you too Kami." Tokoyami smiled, kissing my head, and squeezing me lightly.
_____
Ik it might've not been too good, but it helped comfort me a bit to write. 😅😅
Thank you guys for reading, 💜.
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