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Hopeless

I didn't know what I wanted. I was just beginning to understand the world I couldn't even begin to think about what I wanted to do. I felt so out of touch. The only thing I was sure of was that Aurora meant the absolute world to me and if I have to suffer in order for her to flourish then that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. After studying non stop I was finally at a point where I somewhat understood it.

"Mummy why do they have a bear" I was sitting at my desk working when she came back to the room holding the police bear "what's its name" "I think that's a question for them baby" "Aunty Erin why do you have a bear" "I'm not sure it's just always been there" she nods "does it have a name" "why don't you pick one" "Brian the bear" she said gleefully "Brian it is" Erin said smiling watching my daughter introduce Brian to everyone. They were all so kind with her.

"What's up" Adam asks he had followed me into the break room where I was making coffees "nothing" I send him a smile "somethings bothering you" "you sound take the detective exam with those detection skills your sure to pass" I said smiling as I pout the hot water in the cup. "I'm just in a bit of a rut" "want to talk about it" I run my hand through my hair "it's just all overwhelming and I don't know what I want to do or anything do I want to be a cop, a firefighter Silvie said I'll be a good doctor. On top of that people are everywhere" he laughs wrapping his arms around me. I sigh resting my head on his chest. "Your whole world has revolves around keeping Rory safe and alive that's your whole identity do whatever it takes to stay alive and keep her alive at all cost" I nod listening. He wasn't wrong. My number one goal until recently was to shield her from his poisonous ways. "You got all of us we got your back...we can watch her if you need she has wormed her way into everyone heart" "thank you your all being so kind" "that's what normal people are like" he said making me laugh. They had a thing that they would say this is what normal people do. It's was a joke at this point. At first I didn't fully understand it, but after all of them specially Erin explaining there was no malaise behind it, they were just joking around. "What do normal parents do like do they send their children places or something" "you mean like a preschool" "I don't know I don't want her gone long I want her being around me all the time she's like my sanity but I don't want her to miss out on normal activities" "how bout this we look up I'll get them to do it as well we'll all find one really good activity to do with her take her to museums, parks, do random crafts for her" "oh I can't wait for you to glue and paint with her" "why me" "it was your idea...I love it adam thank you" I hug him.

"Hey Rory do you like museums" Kim asks "what's that" she replies she was sitting on Erin's lap happily "I take you" "can mummy and Aunty Erin and Jay and Adam all come" she asks "anyone you like can come" Kim assure her making her smile happily. "Cool Jay said he take me to watch a big tv" "cinema hey I had to explain it to her so she would get it" Jay exclaimed "Mummy told me Adam is doing craft with me I think we she make a picture to put on the way" "why would you do that" "it was your idea I distinctly remember you saying crafts" "hey Rory want to go to the movies ark" he asked "put I want to pain and make a beautiful picture" she said pouting causing him a sigh "fine" "your going to make it at adams house right" Erin asks causing her to shrug "I don't know" she exclaimed "it will all be ok" Adam whispered to me making me nod.

"Jay" she squeals as he jumps into his arms "what are you doing here is it your secret you have with Aunty Erin" she said whispering the last part or trying to the whole room could hear her. "I come to visit you and your mummy isn't Aunty Erin out" "oh right I forgot" she giggles rolling her eyes "how are you" he said walking over to me carrying Aurora. "Good" I nod "we were going to watch a movie but I don't know what one" I watch Jay sit on the floor with her helping her decide which one. They were all Disney or children's movies. I could remember some mainly the classics like lion king, toy story, beauty and the beast, Cinderella. I just didn't know the newer ones that had been made in the past fifteen years. They all looked so strange. "How do I pick" "well I happen to know that these ones are very good these on the other hand never seen them so it's a first for everyone" he said glancing over at me causing me to smile at him. "What's this one about" "a family of lions specifically the story of one lion he goes on this big adventure after his dad dies" "all by himself I would be scared if I didn't have mummy" "his scared but his brave just like you were when mummy sent you to Erin and Sylvie when you met all of us" "I was very brave and I made heaps of friends" "just like he makes heaps of friends" "did his mummy keep him safe like mine did or did he have a Jay or aunt Erin or aunt Sylvie or a Elly you know they are all super important even a grandpa and an Adam are super important. I need them" "how bout we watch it" "but if it's a story of me then I don't want to" "are you a lion" "raaw" she shouts holding up her hands pretending they are claws "when did she get so terrifying" he asks me looking at me as she jumps on him. His quick reflex's catch her, he lays back pretending she forced him to the ground. "Raaw" she yells again "come on let's watch it baby let Jay get back up" I said he was making out she had him pinned.