Fated Risk || Completed

Chapter 2 || Cramped Days

Sophia.

"I understand." I replied sharply, hitting the elevator button. The coffee in my hand was so hot that I felt it fizzing against my skin, but I ignored it and waited for that door to open with three folders under my arm, plus a company laptop. My purse hung on my shoulder, and in my other hand was another coffee. Not really, I wouldn't call it coffee. It's more of a waiting sugar high but not mine.

The elevator dung as I stood there, just hoping there was no one in that elevator. My phone tucked between my shoulder, and ear, I again, responded with the same words. "I understand."

I think the lady on the other end doesn't understand that I have been waiting for a year for this. I understand the struggles, the consequences, the weight of what I'm doing. I understand my life will be turned into a loop and I might fall off but what she doesn't understand is that I'm prepared. I have been prepared for a year, from the moment I found out actually, which was exactly two hundred and ninety days ago. "I understand." I said, again, and the lady on the other end kept going on about the processes as if I didn't almost go through with it a few months ago.

He should be with me already. I hated that he wasn't. I curse myself for it but when I was let go from my previews job, which first off was the biggest bullshit to begin with, the process stopped. Without a job, I wasn't qualified. It didn't matter how much I had in my bank, or my relationship to him, I wasn't qualified.

Me. Who is qualified to be anything and anyone I set my sight's on; I wasn't qualified. Fuck who ever decided that. Fuck who ever put him through a whole year of being alone. Fuck who ever thought this was the best choice for him. The best choice would be me. The best choice would be him happy, smiling and running around safely like he deserved.

And a giant fuck you too my mother for having another kid twenty-four years later and giving him up for adoption.

I stepped into the elevator, glad that there wasn't anyone in there. "I understand, Gale." I said, cursing her in my mind silently. I was more than capable of taking care of my own bother. He should be with me, not in some child service provided home. I knew a one-year-old can't fully comprehend enough to understand much of what's going on, but I am old enough to feel the shame for it.

It burned in me, day, and night like a fucken match that I can't drain with water. He shouldn't have to be in some random person's house when he could be with me, his sister. Who was more than qualified to take care of him, thank you very much.

Thank goodness for this job, because now according to some stupid requirement, I am qualified to restart the process of getting Jax out of social services and into my arms. I'll raise him the way he should be, I'll love him the way he should be, and I'll give him a family the way he should have one. I'll give him everything I didn't have.

The elevator dinged again, telling me we were on my level and pushed open. The lady on the other end still hasn't shut up about all the thing that go into raising a one-year-old, and how much my life is going to change. She think's I don't fully understand the drastic change that comes with adoption. I might not. But I fully understand the drastic hurt that came with the knowledge that no one cares about you, no one loves you and it's up to you to figure out how to live day by day, alone. My mom gave me that knowledge, so big shout of to her. Mother of the year that one.

Jax, he isn't going to go through what I went through. I won't let my mom ruin him the way she ruined me. That's why when the lady on the other end again repeated, "Sophia, this is a big responsibility, do you understand?"

I responded with the one thing I was certain of. "I understand."

After another few moments of her going on and on about it, we finally ended the call. I neared my desk and set the cup of coffee onto it, the heat had burned not enough to leave a mark, but enough to leave a reminder. I quickly turned on my computer and while waiting for it to load up, I grabbed the manila folder I had tucked under my arm and walked it over to Maddox's office.