Fated Risk || Completed

Chapter 17 || Toy's Full Of Reclamation

Maddox.

     I leaned more onto the counter, tapping my finger obnoxiously against it as I waited. My patience was running so thin that I could feel the ghosts in my mind getting louder and scarier. To distract myself, I forced myself to think of something else, of something like convoicing Mateo into coming out and playing hockey with me for a few hours soon. We played in high school, and although I wasn't in the right headspace at the time to be fully into it I do remember it being fun sometimes. I wonder if that's what got my back even more fucked because after that I remember it acting up more. Then again, it could just be the time and strain on it. Or old age... just kidding I'm only twenty-one.

    I have been told by the specialist for years now that I need to go on medication. Without it, I would get to a point where I wouldn't be able to do anything without it acting up. Jokes on them, I'm already there. Or is that joke on me? The medication is supposed to help my muscles be able to relax because that's the problem, my muscles constrict with movement and can't unknot again properly, leaving me in excruciating pain. Kirsan has already bought the medication and put it on my nightstand, and my mom scowls at me every time I say I'm not going to take it.
      
    I don't exactly know why I'm fighting it so hard, it's clear I need it. Maybe I'm just fighting the idea that I now have to rely on medication to feel okay in my own body. That once again, I have no fucken control. I swore after getting rescued that I wouldn't ever rely on anyone or anything else. But I have failed on more than one occasion, and I have come to terms that I need my family around me otherwise I feel more lost, but medication... that's a bigger step than I'm willing to take. Or was, because I'm standing here right now and can feel the flex of my upper muscles constricting, forcing me to have to take a sharper breath because otherwise I might start seeing stars.
      
   Flinching majorly, my gaze shot down to where Sophia grabbed my anxious tapping finger. "Standing here isn't going to help me finish quicker." Sophia said softly, withdrawing her hands from me, "You're actually very distracting."
      
    I sighed, dropping my hands to my side. I was waiting for her to finish so we could have our dinner. "Then just leave everything you're doing for tomorrow. Your boss is letting you, come on. I promise I won't bitch at you for it tomorrow." I joked, ready to go. I was ready an hour ago. Actually like twelve hours ago.
      
    Sophia glanced up at me, oceans pooling in her eyes. "You have a meeting first thing in the morning, do you want to walk in without all the information?"
      
    I winced. "No."

    She chuckled, getting back to work, and I sighed, once again lost her attention. The things I would do to have this woman just look at me. How pathetic, right? For fucks sake, I'm a grown man, and still I found myself walking around her desk and stopping behind her chair just to be an inch closer. I watched her screen for a second, bored out of my damn mind.

    My focus zeroed in on the anti- virus screen she had popping up on her screen every few seconds, which she just clicked away like it's no big deal. I wrinkled my nose, wondering why she wouldn't just update it. It's unsafe to not have it properly working, especially on a company computer that holds databases of information. By the fourth time she did it, I pressed my lips together to not say anything. How long has she been clicking that away? And why hasn't IT made it up here to update her computer?
      
    "Why are you still here?"
      
    I pulled my head up and away from my new source of annoyance, finding Mateo strolling over. "I'm not going home." I replied, taking him in. He looked as handsome as usual. Dark black suit, and a frown that I'm pretty sure he was born with. My life goal is to lessen it. And in case it's not clear, I gave myself the goal, no one forced it on me. Mateo's my best friend. I'd do anything for him, even if it's focusing him to laugh so his facial muscles don't freeze up in that frown.
      
    He paused by the counter, looking me over me with his light eyes. "Where are you going then?"
      
    I grinned. "There's this thing called life, and what I do with mine doesn't concern you." I joked, making his lips twitch up into a wannabe smile. I knew the man enough to recognize all of his little ticks. He might not have a full-blown smile, but he has his own tells. After twenty-one years of being best friends with him, you get the clue.
      
    "You have a date."
      
    I rolled my eyes. Of course, he would see right through me. Like I know all his ticks, he knows mine. "You're invading my privacy." I told him, my attention flickering down to the pop-up notification again, that Sophia clicked away, again. I scowled, my hands itching to fix it.
      
    Mateo laughed. "Madds, privacy is an illusion. You taught me that yourself. Is this a Kirsan kind of date, or your own?" he asked casually, causing me to tense behind Sophia. I have yet to explain to her the whole sharing thing, and Mateo's Kirsan kind of date question, is the sharing thing. I have my reasons for what I had to do, and Mateo doesn't know them. At the time of my little problem if I even breathe too hard Mateo worked himself up in stress to the point that guy wouldn't leave my side for days. So, I went to the logical one instead of the emotional one. Only Kirsan knows my secret, and he kept it this entire time.
      
    Forcing a careless grin onto my face stained my facial muscles but I replied jokingly, "My own. I'm giving Kirsan the night off."