Fated Series. Book #2
"Be possessive of me, own me, keep me, because if you do then nothing and no one else can." - Maddox.
My name is Maddox Vallero, and I'm dead.
Well, that's not quite true. I'm alive in the breathing, walking, talking sense-but...
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Maddox.
"Max, where this go?" Jax asked, lifting the seventeenth Lego. I almost laughed, feeling a little like I'm being used. He's either not getting how Lego's work or isn't trying all too hard. And yet when his little dimples curved into his chubby cheeks, I don't give one fuck. "Right there, little man." I point, showing him where to put it
With his little fingers, he takes the piece and puts all of his force to click it in with the rest of the Lego's. I almost laughed, again, the wholesome moment stirring my chest. It's Thursday afternoon, and here I am sitting on the ground of Sophia's living room with Jax between my legs and with no effort of his own building a Lego set I brought for him. I shouldn't be here technically. I'm supposed to be at work, in a meeting, matter of fact, but sitting here with Jax and waiting on my stunning girlfriend to come home is way more fun. I want to be here. I don't want to sit in a meeting, and I most definitely don't want to be explaining for the twelfth time why the operating system needs a serious change in order to comply with our year end goals. Fuck, I much rather get behind a computer and spend the time fixing it myself, but that's the CTO's job, not mine.
Twisting between my legs, Jax lifts another Lego, his big blue eyes widening with excitement, and again, I point to where it goes. I can't find a single part of me that hates this second, in fact, I love it. I know I shouldn't be getting attached to him, I'm aware. Fully and utterly aware of my physiological state that's in shambles, and needs extensive therapy sessions, but I can't stop myself either. Jax, he looks up at me with this hopefully and bliss I forgot existed. He's so unaware of just how much damage could have been tearing him apart if only Sophia didn't have such a big heart to love him with. He felt loneliness, fear, and pain for a single year, most of which by next year he wouldn't even remember. All those memories will fade, and be replaced by new ones, better once. He will grow up, look back at his life and only remember happiness. All those dreadful first days will get buried so far under that they won't exist to him.
But still, when he turns to look at me with another red Lego in his tiny hands, I find myself compelled to create thousands of armies to keep him safe and protect him from every feeling the wrath of our world. I find myself willing to fight until I'm dry of my own blood for this perfect life for him, for Sophia, and for those good memories to replace my own terrible ones.
I've gotten attached, and I don't think I can rip myself away because Jax is rooted deep in me now. He's an innocence I forgot existed, and I need that reminder because it helps me want to push past my own limitations. A part of me wishes I could pull out my phone and dial Kirsan, have him talk me through these feelings. In his crazy man words I want to hear that I'm attached because I'm unstable, damaged and unable to balance my own emotions, but I doubt I'd believe him if I'm being honest. I think I'm attached because I find serenity in this, in Sophia, in Jax, in how real they feel to me.
