Fated Risk || Completed

Chapter 3 || A Software Disaster

Maddox.

    "I'm a little concerned this is starting to become repetitive."

    The voice nursed me awake, and a hazy cloud slipped over my mind like a film. I sprung up, reaching under my pillow on instinct. "It's not there." he called, but I shoved my hand side to side, still looking for it. Panic was creeping up in my chest, constricting it to the point that I felt this knot tangling every breath, and ripping it out of my throat. Beads of sweat built up on my temples, scorching my skin and my damn hands were starting to shake worse by the second.

    Mateo groaned beside me. "You can't fucken do that to him, Kirsan."

    "It's only temporary. I'm trying to conclude what happens when his coping mechanism is taken away. I rather you not be a crutch for him too, but we will get there with time."

    "So, you're trying to give him a fucken panic attack first thing in the morning?" Mateo replied, anger hitting his strained tone, "God damn it Kirsan, keep your theories and tests away from him. Or at least fucken warn him next time."

    "That would eliminate the purpose."

    I heaved forward, not giving one fuck about their conversation and realizing my gun really was gone. I brought my hands to my head trying to get rid of the screeching in there. But it was so ear-piercing, and it hurt, it really fucken hurt. I just wanted it to stop. I wanted my own screams to die out. I wanted the world to shut off and turn silent. I was ready to beg for just a second of silence. Because this was torture. People are so afraid of the world ending but mine ends every time I wake up, and I live in this deadly feeling.

    Alvin, my husky jumped up onto the bed, nudging my hands away from my head with his snout. He whined, sensing my deterring state and I dropped my hands around his neck, burying my face into his fur. He shoved himself more into me, spreading my knees apart and tried with his best effort to get me through the moment. To reminded me that I'm in this reality, and not another. He licked up my face, hands, and everything he could reach to tried to calm me.

    Mateo sat up further beside me. "How would you feel if I just mind fucked you first thing in the morning?" he asked, referring to Kirsan through thick anger but I was still clinging onto the slipping reality as it made me feel like I'm getting further and further. I can't mediate them, I can't in this second.

    "I don't see how you could do such a thing. I don't a require coping mechanism."

    "There are plenty of ways for me to ruin your day the second it starts."

    I lifted my head upwards, still ignoring them and found the ceiling. Then I looked towards the walls, counting each of them. Next was the floor, because if it's beneath me then I'm not in the dirt. I brought my palm out, feeling the bed under it and fisted the sheets. With my other hand, I brushed it through Alvin's fur, forcing myself to focus on the softness, and realness of it under my hand.

    My muscles were flexed together and scorching me with flames. "How many walls, Maddox?" Mateo asked, keeping his distance but I could feel his body heat. It hurt. It fucken hurts. All of it hurts. I feel it on every part of my body, the pain. I forced myself to breathe and reply, "Four."

    "Again."

    I squeezed my eyes shut, reminding myself that I'm not there anymore. I'm not in that casket, buried under the ground. I'm not in that wear-house tied to a chair and being electrocuted, or waterboard, or all the other shit they thought was funny. I'm not. I'm here. "Four." I repeated through clenched teeth but I could feel it finally starting to register in my mind. The thick fog starting to clear and reality setting back in.