Fated Series. Book #2
"Be possessive of me, own me, keep me, because if you do then nothing and no one else can." - Maddox.
My name is Maddox Vallero, and I'm dead.
Well, that's not quite true. I'm alive in the breathing, walking, talking sense-but...
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Sophia.
I can't pinpoint exactly what it is, but there is something strange about Maddox today. Not entirely bad, but just different. As if a little fire has lit in the dried embers, and for the first time he's the one holding the matches that sparked it. When I opened the front door, and saw the unexplainable relief on his face, I got worried. But since he's gotten here he's been nothing but relaxed. He's not even on edge, and it's a very different look for him. Even now, as he sits at the counter, eating. I can't read him. "Maddox." I finally spoke up, "What's going on?"
He looked up, bunching his brows. "What are you talking about?" he asked, poking at his food, "I'm not a fan of this thingy." he goes on, sliding the tofu away, before taking a fork full of food into this mouth. His plump lips curved around the fork while he took a bite of chicken, eyeing the tofu, and for a second, I watched his jaw work through the food, flexing under pressure. Jesus, the man was fucken handsome, in the most unfair way. All that golden hair, light jeweled eyes with those sly smirks, and careless persona. A dangerous mix for a man who likes to mess with people's heads.
I cleared my throat, bringing my thoughts back to reality. "I don't know. You just seem off."
A small smile curved around his lips, pouting them more. "Off my meds?" he teased, causing me to slant him a look. He needs some med's. But he chuckled at me. "No, Soph, all good. In fact, I'm feeling better for the first time in what feels like ever."
I eased into the counter, leaning my elbows onto it as I waited for Jax to finish chewing through his food. "What changed?" I asked, eyeing him. Something is different. And I need to figure out if it's a good or bad different. I need to know where we stand, and how to navigate this situation. It's what I do. I see a problem, and I fix it, but I can't do that when I don't know what's going on. It makes me antsy and uneasy. I don't like being in the land of the gray, I like to see straight. But Maddox is the gray, and he makes me very loopy.
Regarding his food for another moment, Maddox set his fork down and lifted his pale gaze up to me. The look struck, and it felt like someone started pressing the walls closer into me. "I talked to Kirsan." he started.
I'll be honest, a part of me is waiting for him to say he's gone. That this is over. He's walking out. I hate how it constricts my throat. He went on, "He told me he was proud of me. Proud of me, Soph, and hell that made me feel proud of myself. How is it that something I should have gotten over years ago, I'm getting over only now? He said it's a milestone, that I'm able to have intimacy without him... and he's proud. I guess it just has me in my head. Kirsan can do that.." he chuckled humorlessly, spinning his ring, "making you think about shit you don't want to."
The pressure in my chest started to release, even if it was still a bit slow to catch on. I know Maddox has severe intimacy problems, really, it became quite clear when he practically threw himself backwards from me during sex the first time. At the time, I was shocked, and a little hurt, if I'm being honest, but I quickly realized it had nothing to do with me. It's about him, and he needed to feel safe. Comfortable even to expose himself on such a personal level. After my question about him being sexually abused, and him not answering, I came to realize Maddox hasn't felt peace of mind in a long time. That detail felt like it drained the air out of my world and suffocated me, but I shoved through it. Even now, thinking back to it, I get blindingly angry at those who hurt him.
