Fated Risk || Completed

Chapter 11 || Job Descriptions

Sophia.

Everyone thinks about the past. It's inveterate, really. We imagine our lives being different, think about all the choice we've made and how we could have done them differently. We miss, and even mourn our pasts. Perhaps we didn't cherish the moment's when we had them, and now it's too late. You think about your past, and you wish for something to come back, but what if you don't? What if you think of the past and you're glad it's not coming back. You don't mourn it but celebrate it. It's something you have conquered, and now you see further. That's something glorious.

As I sit here, squatted in the doorway and hold Jax's two little hands in front of me, I feel like I won. I won something because today his not crying, today his smiling and telling me he will see me later. He doesn't have tears in his eyes, and the fear is almost fading out of his ocean eyes. And this feels like a victory of the century. This feels like a moment I might mourn so I take in every second of it and cherish it. "Bye kiddo." I tell him, my grin splitting my face.

He returns me a grin that shows his two fronts of teeth. "I see you later."

I raised to my feet and nodded. "You will."

Making my way to the door, I glanced at him one more time, taking in the moment. This was a moment I'll always remember. The first time his not afraid of me leaving because he knows I'll come back. Now that's a damn victory. A past memory I'll think about, and actually miss. The first I have.

Sadly, my victory was short lived when I came to the office. The closer I got to my desk the more I could see that Maddox's day had started long before mine. His office door was already open, and I knew for a fact that I closed it yesterday. I wasn't late by any means, early actually, but his earlier today. I walked around my desk, turning on my computer quickly and made my way towards his office. Yesterday he left my house close to one am, and I was still rethinking that conversation more then I should. I was still getting liquid lava in my vein's every time I think about him saying he would stand in front of danger for me. But I was also determined to put on a professional face and act like what we really were, and that was employer and employee.

I pushed the rest of his door open and walked further in. My high heels clicked against the hardwood floor, and I had this strange new urge to fix my white top that was tucked into my tan leather pants even though I knew everything was perfect. Maddox's usual calm expression remained, but the strain in his eyes was clear. "You're in early." I said, pausing at the front of his desk and making his attention snapped up at me. "Who said I went to bed?"

I tipped my head. "I hope you're kidding, but for some reason I don't think you are."

He chuckled, leaning back into his chair, and relaxed into it. "Seeing through my jokes now, are you Sophia?" he asked, looking more casual today than usual. I wonder if that's from the fact that his been here who knows how long, and really did have no sleep. Guilt flooded me because it was my fault he was at my house yesterday, driving us around, and looking this exhausted. A part of me knew it wasn't my fault, but when you grow up being told everything is your fault, then everything starts to feel like your fault. And even though I have been away from that toxic environment for so long, the toxicity sometimes still manages to find a way to get to me.

I smiled, despite the heaviness of it. "No, you just look like you're a second away from falling asleep." I replied. He did look that way, but he was still his fine self. I kind of missed the sweats look, but the loose chinos definitely were nice too. Plus, he had a white casual button up that was rolled up to his forearms and showed his tattoos on full display. There was a stormy look in his eyes that he sat there trying to calm and I wondered if his winning today.