Fated Series. Book #2
"Be possessive of me, own me, keep me, because if you do then nothing and no one else can." - Maddox.
My name is Maddox Vallero, and I'm dead.
Well, that's not quite true. I'm alive in the breathing, walking, talking sense-but...
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Chapter 6 Worthy Risk? Sophia
I've never shared my bed with anyone. Even with my ex, we never got to the stage of overnights. My entire life, I've slept alone, used to having the bed to myself, able to stretch out and turn without bumping into anyone. But right now, there's a tiny hand resting on my face, and Jax's small body is curled so close that I can feel his warmth. I almost feel guilty for needing to move, but I know I have to get up.
Technically, he should be in his own crib. I know it's not ideal to let him sleep in my bed. According to all the parenting books, you're supposed to let them cry it out, to help build independence. But nowhere in those books does it tell you how to stop yourself when he's looking up from his crib with big, glossy eyes and a wobbling lip, reaching over the bars for me. Nowhere does it say how much it's going to hurt to see that he just wants closeness and security—and that I'm supposed to say no.
I couldn't do it. Maybe that makes me weak, but I just couldn't say no. So here he is, in my bed for the second night in a row.
This is his first full weekend with me since he arrived on Friday, and the number of times he's asked if he has to go back has splintered my heart into pieces. It's heartbreaking that he still thinks this is temporary. That he believes he doesn't have a home where he's truly wanted. So, fuck independence—he's had enough of that already. I'm going to smother him with love until he knows, beyond any doubt, that he matters.
I thought that if we went out and he picked out his own toys, he'd start to understand that he's here to stay. But now his room is filled with things he chose himself, and his questions remain. I thought that when we hung up all his new clothes together, he'd realize this is his home, but he still asked anyway. I'm at a loss, and we've fallen into this pattern of him asking over and over, and me giving him the same answer, hoping it'll sink in eventually.
Even now, as I slip out of bed and stand up, I feel this weight of guilt holding me back, making it hard to leave him. I hate leaving, especially when he's not fully comfortable yet. When he's still so unsure of his place in my life, in my heart. What he doesn't know is that he is my everything now. I might not be his mother by birth, but I'll be his mother in every way that matters.
It's an adjustment period for both of us. As I made my way to the shower, I had to resist the urge to go back and check on him. After I showered, did my makeup, and curled the ends of my blonde hair, I stepped out of the bathroom and into my closet. Glancing over, I saw he was still asleep, curled up with his teddy bear, and it brought a small sense of relief.
I paused in the middle of my closet, deciding what I wanted to wear today. Lately, it's become a bit of a game: how big can I make Maddox's eyes go today? It's quite fun, really, and I can't deny the thrill of his shamelessly appreciative looks. He has this way of pushing boundaries just enough to keep things interesting, yet always holding back just enough to stay respectful. With each compliment, I can feel a hint of restraint, like he's keeping it professional... but barely. It makes me wonder just how inappropriate his thoughts might get.
