Take A Journey with Me

Journal 11- Dulo by The Juans

                                                POINT OF VIEW OF BRIAN

"Clarisse, is that you?" tanong ko pero wala lang siya naisagot nakatulala lang siya. She never excepted that I was going to this place where it always go. I think is destiny that was here. "Brian, is that you?" tanong lang niya. Both of as in a state of shock to see each other again after one year of being apart from each. "Yeah, its me Brian." sagot ko sa kanya. Tapos lumapit na ako sa kanya. "Hi!" yun lang ang naisagot niya sa akin. Tapos bumalik na yung tingin niya doon sa painting sa harap niya. Ilang oras rin kami nakatingin sa mga paintings na nasa loob ng museum. Hindi pa rin siya nagbabago lagi pa rin siya focus sa isang bagay lalo na kapag gusto niya. That is the way that I love about Clarisse, she is very focus on the things that she rerally loves to do. Painting is one of her favorites things to do in life. "Ano pala ang ginagawa mo dito sa Manila? Di ba!, nasa Cebu ka na nakabase ngayon?" tanong ko. "I'm just to meet some family friends kasi may paguusapan sila ng parents ko." sagot niya. 

"Want some coffee? My treat." tanong niya sa akin. "Sure! May ride ka ba nadala ngayon?" tanong ko. "No, I dont have a ride nagtaxi lang ako. I need to breathe a little bit." sagot niya. "I have my car outside, want a ride with me?" asked her. Sabay kaming lumabas ng museum at nagpaalam na kay kuya guard na naging close na rin kami ni Clarisse. As usual being a gentleman, I open the door for her and close it for her. Tapos sumakay na rin ako at pinaandar ko na yung sasakayan ko. As usual pa rin, we went to our favorite coffeeshop. Order our usual order. 

"Kamusta ka na? Brian, ano na pinakakabalahan mo ngayon?" tanong niya. " Okay lang ako, ito busy sa school at drain my brains off for a changed. Ikaw,kamusta ka na? Clarisse, what keeps you busy nowadays?"sagot at tanong ko na rin sa kanya. "Okay lang rin ako, I'm busy too in my school and doing somethings that makes me busy and to forget all the sad memories that we shared together." sagot niya. "Sorry Brian for leaving you so easily. Alam mo naman na bata pa tayo para maging seryoso sa isang relasyon. We are both immature that time." sagot niya. "Bakit mo ako iniwan ng ganito na mag isa. Sabi natin magkasama tayo hanggang dulo. We made a promise remember?" sabi ko. "I'm sorry Brian hindi ko ginusto ito kasi kailangan ako ng parents ko sa Cebu because my parents are planning to emerge our business to our family friend kaya nandito kami kasi they are planning to announce my engagement to the public. Brian, I'm getting engaged to my childhood friend Aldrian. I'm really sorry Brian, I love you so much pero my parents need me now." sagot niya. Shock and hurt is visible in my eyes, I saw on her eyes that she is hurting for the decision that she have to choose. We both loved each other. Aminin ko mahla ko pa siya kasi may nagugustuhan na ako na iba. Clarisse is my first love, as they say frist love never dies its in our hearts forever. "Bakit hindi mo pinaglaban yung damdamin natin sa parents mo na mahal mo ako? Bakit mo ako iwan ng ganito na lang walang sinabi na last na pala ito at hindi mo na ako babalikan? Akala ko ngayon na nagkita na tayo may pag asa na tayo magkabalik pero wala na pala ako babalikan." sagot ko na umiiyak na ako. I never do this in front of her. I always keep it inside of me or when I'm alone. "I'm sorry Brian pero kasi ito na yung nakaplan sa akin wala pa akong sa mundong ito at hindi pa tayo nagkakakilala nakaplan na ito, wala akong choose kung hindi ituloy ito." sagot niya na umiiyak na rin. Pareho na kaming natahimik at umiiyak ng tahimik. All of sudden, bigla na lang nag ring yung phone niya pero hindi ko naman sinasadya na makita ko na si Aldrian ang tumatawag, gusto ko kunin yung phone niya at ibato sa labas ng coffee shop na ito. "Hello! Drian, bakit ka napatawag?" sagot niya sa kabilang line. " Nandito ako sa coffee shop na favorite ko,bakit?"sagot niya. "Sige, susunduin kita diyan kasi wala ka naman dala ng sasakayan." sabi ni Aldrian sa kabilang line. "Huwag na Drian ako na bahala sa sarili ko hindi pa naman super late, I can managed to get my own ride." sagot niya. "Okay basta message o text mo ako kung need ko na sunduin kita, okay?" sagot uli ni Aldrian. After nila magusap binaba na rin ni Clarisse yung phone call niya kay Aldrian. Tahimik na rin uli kami. "I have to go Brian kailangan na ako sa hotel ngayon hinahanap na ako. I'm really sorry Brian again. hindi ko sinasadya na saktan ka. Sana I have the will to fight for our love pero wala mahina ako eh,I'm really sorry talaga." sabi niya. Tumayo na ako at gusto ko na siya ihatid sa hotel na nakapagcheck in siya. "Hatid na kita doon sa hotel na nakastay ngayon."sabi ko. Sumakay na kami sa kotse at tahimik pa rin  kami habang nagdrdrive ako papunta sa hotel niya. Yung nakarating na kami sa hotel niya. Hindi ko kaya na ibigay siya sa taong hindi naman niya mahal talaga kasi ako yung mahal niya. "Clarisse, hindi na ba magbabago yung isip mo about sa atin?" tanong ko. "Brian, hindi ko alam kung tama ang gagawin ko pero kailangan ko ito gawin para sa parents ko. think it selfish pero I'm really sorry Brian. I need to sacrifice my love for them." sagot niya. "Mahal na mahal kita Clarisse pero hindi mo pala ako gusto makasama sa dulo o makasama habang buhay." sabi ko. "Siguro kailangan na natin pakawalan ang isa't isa kahit masakit gagawin ko habang mahal pa kita kasi nakasama kita habang hindi pa ako naikakasal sa iba."sagot niya. "This is means goodbye and I want to say that I love you Clarisse so much. I wish you the best of your life ahead of you." sabi ko. "Brian, goodbye and I will always love you so much, you will be forever in my life." sabi niya. That's it we hug and cry our heart out inside my car while holding her hands so tight. But in the end I have to let go of her hands. Because she going to someone else's hand now. Clarisse went out of my car and that's the last time that I saw her. When I heard the news that she is already engaged to his childhood friend. 

That is the time I decided to stay inside my unit for months and just cry out because it hurts to let go of someone that you used to love for the first time you realized that you can love someone that much. That's it my relationship with Clarisse ended with a hurtful and traumatic experience that I have to experience. I wish I get over it and move on with my life again like I do before she left me. That day I decided to change myself. I change myself to be a bad example myself. Ito na yung kinatatakot ko na mangyari sa akin kasi hindi ko gusto ang mangyayari sa akin. I'm on the very bad side of my life. Kailan kaya ako magiging maayos ang buhay ko uli?

HUHU!

Sorry, nadala lang ako sa song ng the Juans na "DULO" Kasi it's a very sad song that talks about letting go of someone that you feel that you have to end this for yourself. Like you have to be at the end of the line first to let go and move on to that person even if you loved that person. Maybe at the end of the line, there is something or someone waiting for you. 

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