Special Chapter - Little Deer

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Want to know what Minseok gave Luhan on his ninth birthday? Well here it is, my cute little buttons huehue...

Luhan attended his parents' funeral on the twenty-fifth of April, he was all dressed in a black suit and Minseok's parents loomed around him protectively.

Luhan thought himself as dead ever since his own parents' death was announced, he didn't eat, he didn't sleep and he didn't talk.

Minseok's parents were worried but Minseok accepted his attitude as mourning so he fasted with him and refused to sleep at all.

On the day of the funeral, it was sunny and it was what you called a 'beautiful day'. But Luhan thought the day was anything but beautiful - in fact, from that day on, he hated those sunny days. The Priest spoke words of prayer and blessing and finally, they buried them.

This is wrong, Luhan thought.

They shouldn't be there,

They should be here, with me.

They don't belong in the dirt... they need more than that

The coffin was brilliant white - symbolizing that their souls had been cleansed. The headstone was beautifully inscribed and there seemed like a million flowers on the foundation of the stone.

Luhan didn't cry.

Oh, many were crying.

But Luhan wasn't.

He was numb on the inside and out, heavy eyebags shadowed under his eyes.

Minseok put his hand on his shoulder wordlessly, as if granting him the permission to cry.

Luhan looked at him with a thankful look.

And then,

The tears came.


The funeral ended and the birds were singing joyfully,

Disgusting, they should be dead, how dare they be happy on this particular day.

But even Luhan knew it was stupid to hate animals, they simply didn't know what was happening.

Minseok saw the hatred in his eyes when Luhan looked up to the trees and Minseok spoke for the first time in five days, "Isn't today beautiful?" As he looked at the trees blossoming in the Spring.

Luhan glared at him, half out of shock and half out of betrayal. Minseok, of all people, should agree that it wasn't a beautiful day, "No, it isn't." Luhan's voice cracked.

"Lu... don't you think... that your parents are up there right now." Minseok jutted his chin to the sky, "And especially on this day, they're shining their love? Just to tell you that they're okay and they're sorry." Minseok knew it probably wasn't true, but it was his duty of being the eldest to comfort the young.

Luhan's expression softened, "Maybe, but it's my fault. It's not their fault, it's mine." He started sobbing again but he put his hand to his mouth to prevent him from making a sound.

"It isn't your fault." Minseok said softly, "Maybe... maybe God just wanted to take your parents a little earlier, maybe He has plans for you and you're capable now."

"But I didn't want God to take them away from me," Luhan spat bitterly, "Doesn't He know that?"

Minseok didn't reply, but only said, "This is just the beginning, Luhan." And he left Luhan in confusion.

Minseok never called him by his full name before. And he never understood what Minseok meant by 'beginning'.

But Luhan started to see things in a different light, he saw that day truly was beautiful, and the birds were right to rejoice it. Maybe his parents were happy and sorry for everything. At that moment, Luhan stopped mourning.

He joined Minseok and smiled warmly to him - and in their unspoken conversation, he told Minseok that he was okay now.

Minseok smiled back, "You still haven't opened my gift."

"Oh yeah!" Luhan said, and reached into his bag to get out the gift. "Can I open it now?"

"Yeah, go ahead." Minseok said,

Luhan carefully unraveled the beautiful, blue ribbon that was neatly tied on the package, he knew that Minseok spent a long time on it because he bit his lip when Luhan took it off.

Inside there was a stuffed deer - it was amateurish and had a few loose stitches, but it was perfect with all it's imperfections.

Which exactly described Luhan.

Perfect with all imperfections.

Minseok reddened with embarrassment as Luhan fiddled with one loose string, "It was my first time making one, plus, your mom taught me how to do it."

Luhan's heart swelled with happiness when he knew that Minseok made it - just for him. And it probably was one of the latest things that his mom did before she died. "Thanks, Minnie." Luhan said, looking as if he were on the verge of tears.

Minseok looked nervous, "Don't cry again, you only just stopped too."

Luhan laughed, "Okay!"


From then on, Luhan always carried the deer with him, even as he grew up - and he didn't care about the endless bullying that came with it, When Minseok left the Academy, Luhan held on to it even more.

And gained the nickname, "Little Deer."

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