Our secret

Our last night

It was the day before my mom came back from her girls trip and also the last night me and Damien had together before school started. We were laying in bed and neither one of us wanted to let go of each other. We both knew what today meant but we spent the last month completely avoiding it and the topic.

"Baby"
"Hmmm"
"I don't want to go to school I don't want to leave"
"I don't want you to leave either"

Damien's arms tightened around me holding me tighter and pulling me closer. We stayed like that for hours. Completely ignoring our rumbling stomachs and the day. It wasn't until seven pm when we finally got out of bed to eat. We decided on cooking together and having one last nice romantic dinner together.

Red wine with my killer spaghetti and Damien's amazing homemade garlic bread. We ate and talked for hours completely avoiding the topic at hand.

"So Travis will be around so talk to him he's going to miss me too. He's ganna be here for you."
"Yeah but I don't want to have Travis here for me I want you here"
"I know but I won't be baby know matter how much we both want that. So use travis. Any way you need while I'm not here."

I looked at Damien's and gulped making him smile.
We cleaned the entire house up because mom was coming back home tomorrow and we went right back upstairs.

Damien was holding me as we made out after we finished with each other. He was doing his normal light back traces that I loved so much while I did my circles on his chest.

"Hey ads"
"Yeah dame"
"Do you think even though we will be states away and in school that we can make this work"

I didn't say anything for a minute. I sat up and sat pretzel style on my bed and Damien followed sitting across from me. I sighed.

"I don't know. I want to of course I want us to work dame but long distance is a difficult situation alone not to mention how big this secret is in the first place. Plus not to mention you want me and Travis to fuck each other without you while your away with other girls"
"Yeah I no it's just I love you Ads and I don't wanna loose you and I wanna spend the rest of my life with you. But I also know how hard this is going to be and I don't plan on being with anyone else"
"Then why do you want me to be with Travis?"
"Because I'm not stupid ads I seen how your body responded to him plus you trust him and I trust you both not to hurt me"
"Won't me and Travis being together while your away hurt you regardless"
"No I trust you both and I know what I'm doing"
"I want us  more then anything else in the world. Me and you "

We both stared at each other. I was biting my lip and I looked down at my hands in my lap. Damien knew why I was doing it he knew me better then anyone else in the world. He lifted my chin and wiped my tears away.

"Please don't cry I hate when you cry"
"I know I just I can't help it"
"Baby this isn't goodbye"
"No well it sure does feel like it"
"Hey it's never goodbye with us we always find our way back to each other. No matter what I'm asking you to do when I'm gone"
"What if we don't this time. What if we don't work"
"I'm not ready to believe that or accept that"
"Goodbye isn't a option with us or for us it's a until we meet again or I'll see you soon or just for now"

I looked at Damien and kept crying. He had tears in his eyes too.

"I told you it was ganna hurt like hell"

Damien's tears escaped his eyes and rolled down his cheeks as he grabbed me pulling me on top of him and wrapping his arms around me holding me to his chest. We were both crying and holding onto each other. We both knew deep down what tomorrow meant we just wasn't ready to accept it or admit it to the other.

I woke up next to Damien. I was still in his arms and he was staring at my ceiling.

"What's wrong"

Damien looked over at me with a tear running down his face. I reached over wiping his tear away.

"lm not ready to say goodbye to you"
"I know Damien I'm not either"
"What if I take a year off from school and go when you go"
"Damien you already accepted your offer and you leave today if you do that you could mess up school completely"
"Yeahhh I know"
"Come here I don't have to leave for two more hours and I'm already packed and everything is in my car already and I want to hold you"

I sunk back into Damien as we just held each other in complete silence. At the hour and a half mark we took one last shower together making it an extra steamy shower. We stood in front of the door hugging each other and kissing and hugging some more until the very last second possible.

Damien lifted my chin and planted on last deep and passionate kiss on my lips.

"I love you. I need you to hold onto that until I come home. I need you to not give up on us. I know we won't be together and I'm telling you okay to trav but I need you to still be here when I come home"
"Damien as hard as this is going to be for both of us I'm not going anywhere. I'm yours and only yours. I belong to you. I dont care how long I have to wait I'm waiting"

Damien had tears running down his face and so did I.

"I love you so fucking much ads"
"I love you too dame. Please don't forget about me or us."
"That would never happen no matter how much time passes."

We were both crying hysterically and Damien gave me one last kiss and walking out of the house getting in his car and driving away. I stood in my doorway crying until I couldn't see his car anymore.

He was gone.
And I was alone...