✰ Rap Star ⤑ Changlix

18

I think I'm going crazy. I mean, what else am I if not? I baked three cakes, two pans of muffins, and a batch of cookies. I collapse on my couch with a huff. It's been two days since Changbin and I got in our little disagreement. Actually, I don't think there is anything we disagree about. I am still not a hundred percent sure I know why he's getting upset. I've narrowed it down to a few reasons.
1. Like Jisung said, Changbin is jealous.
Answer: if that is the case, I should make it up to him by spending more time with him and reassuring him that I only love him and no one else.
2. He's upset about something else and is taking it out on me.
Answer: talk to him seriously about what's going on.
3. This is a lot more to him than I think and I'm just not understanding it at all.
Answer: think harder.
That's what I've been doing all day and yet still I can't understand what's going on inside his head. We are usually so good at reading each other's mind. "Let's think Felix. How are some ways we can try to understand him? What did mom say to do? Teachers," I continue to babble to myself until I think up a solution to my problems. Teachers and parents always used to tell children to put themselves in somebody else's shoes. It's a metaphor, I'm not going to actually wear my boyfriends shoes. I close my eyes and imagine myself in Changbin's situation.
My boyfriend is texting me a lot and we are as happy as can be. Then suddenly he stops texting. I feel my heart wrench at the idea. I can feel this one since he hasn't been communicating with me. It's very lonely. Alright, next step. He starts posting on his socials about his best friend and how amazing he is. That would make me a little jealous. Changbin did say he didn't mind it except for that fact I didn't tell him. So, I'm watching my boyfriend with another guy after not being told about any of his plans. I'm waiting at home trying to distract myself with work but I can't focus because I think I'm not good enough to keep his attention. He doesn't want to tell me about his days. I see where this is going. My eyes open and I take a deep breath. He's not jealous. He may be slightly, but over all, he just wants to hear about all the joy in my life. I've never had someone tell me that. How can someone be so happy after hearing about someone else's adventures? Now that I know why he's upset, how do I make it up to him? It's clearly both our fault like Jisung had said.
I grab my phone and quickly tap on Changbin's contact. It rings a few times before he picks up.
"Hello?"
"Can you come over for a little or are you busy?"
"Depends. Are we going to argue or talk it out?"
"We aren't going to argue."
"I'll be there soon then. I've got to submit this essay first and then I'll head over."
"Just let yourself in when you get here. The doors unlocked."
After we hang up, I decide I'll just rest my eyes until he comes. Not too much later I wake to someone picking me up by my legs and lower back. I guess I passed out. When I look up I see Changbin. Who else would carry me to my bedroom? Definitely not an intruder. When he sets me down on my bed, he scoots in next to me, raising a brow when he takes in that I'm awake.
"Sorry, I didn't want to wake you," he mutters, pushing my hair out of my face.
I shake my head and cuddle into his chest. He wraps his arms around me when I do this. It feels nice to be in his arms again. "I should be the one apologizing. I wasn't a good boyfriend. I should've warned you before I stopped talking as much. I'm sorry," I whisper to him.
Changbin presses his forehead against mine and caresses my cheek with his thumb. "I overreacted a bit. I should've just enjoyed your company when you were ready to give it to me. I'm sorry for being petty."
"So we're good now?" I ask as I look into his eyes.
"We are good," he says.
I smile at him and lean forward to give him a quick kiss. "Can we go on a date tomorrow then?"
"Where do you wanna go?" Changbin grabs my hand and links our fingers.
We talk about our date and then drift off to the time I spent with Hyunjin. "Actually, I bought you a hat. You always wear baseball caps on stage so I thought if you had one I bought you'd always have me on stage with you. It's my way of dancing and singing by your side," I joke.
"You're adorable," Changbin laughs out.
"I think you're cuter," I coo, pinching his cheek and stretching it out a little. Changbin gives me a childish glare and smacks my hand lightly. I just giggle and bring him closer. The fight seems so stupid now. Like it never happened. I feel closer to him in a way. I understand how his mind works a bit more. "Should we get matching couple shoes? Or some phone cases?" Changbin closes his eyes and nods. I think he's tired. "Did you really not get a lot of work done?"
It's silent for a second. I almost start to think he fell asleep, but then he talks. "I got some done. Most of the time I was just complaining through lyrics. None of the beats had any feeling to them either. Having a muse is weird. It can be amazing but tiring. So many emotions come with it that you don't know when or what emotion will help make a masterpiece," Changbin explains this to me while he fixes himself on my bed.
"Are you tired? You can take a nap."
He shakes his head and says, "I want to hear more about how your week has been."
I start to play with his hair as I tell him some more little details. Not far along he falls asleep. Having a boyfriend is so strange. It's not like any other relationship I've had before. I dated maybe once or twice back in Australia, but nothing was ever like how it is now with Changbin. They didn't care about how my day went. They just wanted to hang out when they were bored. If arguments happened it was always me who had to come and apologize. I guess I'm still like that a bit. I've got a weak heart for the people I love. Changbin doesn't take advantage of that though. He admitted that he was being childish. Which just makes me love him even more. At first it was just his voice, then his attitude, but even now as our small fight comes to an end, I love him. He's perfect. An idiot sometimes, but he's perfect for me. I fall asleep in his arms for the first time in what feels like forever. The fact I have the ability to do this at all gives me good dreams. I don't ever want to lose him.