✰ Rap Star ⤑ Changlix

21

I stare ahead of me, my jaw opening slowly in disbelief. My eyes focus in and out on the image in front of me. My boyfriend is standing in the living hallway of his apartment, his hands on the hips of a girl I don't recognize. His lips, the same ones that have roamed my own body, are placing kisses on her neck. The bag in my hand drops to the floor, the objects inside it shattering to pieces. It's our six month anniversary so I bought some candles and flowers for him. My boyfriends eyes shoot to the front door where I stand. I scoff and reach my hands into my hair so I can push it back.
"Who's that?" The girl asks in an annoyed whisper.
I give a dry laugh. I'm shocked. He's been cheating on me? It all makes sense now. I squat down to start picking up the glass. I then realize what I'm doing and shoot up, walking past him and his new girl. I storm into his room and grab my hoodie that I've let him sleep in for the past few months. I also grab the cologne I bought. He tries to grab it and me. He even takes hold of my shoulders for a second, but I push him away and chuck the bottle of cologne against his living room wall.
"Jisung calm the fuck down!"
"Calm down? Calm down! Are you fucking kidding me? You want me to calm down? Do you even know what the fuck today is? I worked my ass off to pay for that stupid tiny bottle and you have the fucking guts to cheat on me with this bitch? You haven't worn any of that shit near me but the glass was already half empty. Are you going to lie to me and say you haven't been using it to impress her? Your fucking scent that I bought you is all over her room and clothes, isn't it? And you want me to calm down?" My voice is breaking. My heart is too. I wish I could say this is the first time it's happened. It's not. This is the second girl. I forgave him the first time. I told him I trusted him that it was just a mistake.
"Jisung let's talk," my boyfriend says.
I push my palms into my eyes and shake my head. "No. Fuck you. Fuck this girl. Fuck everything I ever felt for you. I can't believe you had to do this on our six month anniversary. You're insane," I continue to cuss as I try to keep my tears in. "We're done. We are so fucking done. Don't talk to me ever again. If I see you anywhere near me or my friends your cologne bottle isn't the only thing I'll have broken."
"Jisung this is just a misunderstanding, okay?"
I push past him and head through the hallway. "A misunderstanding? The only misunderstanding is her thinking you were single," I hiss, kicking open the door to his apartment.
"Jisung, for fucks sake, stop being dramatic. Just sit your ass down and listen for once," he yells at me.
My jaw clenches and I slam the door in his face. Fucking asshole. I can't believe this. I was having such a good day. I make my way to the bus stop. He doesn't even chase me. Go figure. I sit down and look at the road. As the cars pass by so do my tears. They come down my face one by one like it's a road. My head falls into my hands. Why did I stay? I knew this was going to happen again. It hurts so bad. I love him so much. Was I not lovable enough? Did I do something wrong? I miss the next bus to come. I'm to busy crying my eyes out, shoulders shaking with each sob. In the movies this is when the male lead comes in to save the day, but all I get is rain. It starts pouring, and with my luck, of course there's a hole in the ceiling. I'm getting soaked by the clouds tears. I don't move. I'm too distracted with my own despair. I gave him everything. My body, my love, my money. What more did he need? I tried so hard to be there for him. My hands grasp my ears to try and block everything out. It doesn't work well. Eventually I get up and walk to Chris' apartment. I need comfort from my friends. When I drag myself into the fore-way, the water in my hair drips onto the floor. Drop by drop it splats onto the wooden planks.
"Okay, Chris, I get it! You don't have to guilt trip me! I know my family is nearby, but that doesn't automatically make them saints. You don't know them. You don't know the shit they've done the past year. Leave me the fuck alone! My family isn't yours. I don't have a perfect family."
"For fucks sake, Changbin. Just go talk to them!"
They are fighting again. The water dripping onto the floor isn't only the water in my hair anymore. I'm crying again. I thought I'd have run out of tears by now.
"I've tried. They don't listen. They don't want to see my side of the story," Changbin yells.
"You tried once and gave up! They are your family! If you work harder, they'll understand!"
"You don't get it! You never try and see it from my point of view. Not everyone has good intentions. Why can't you get that through your thick skull?"
I open the door and exit. Why can't it be peaceful for once? I make my way home. It's quiet as always. Mom is still at work. I take the note off of the fridge and toss it into the bin beside the kitchen sink with the rest of the daily reminders she won't be home. I then follow the hallway to my bedroom and collapse on my bed when I enter. My radio is mumbling out words that I can't understand with my current state of mind. I start to cry again. A heart wrenching scream escapes me in the midst of it. Fuck love. Fuck friendship. It's all fake. All everyone ever does is yell at each other or abandon them. I hug my pillow close. It's the only thing that has actually stayed by my side without complaint.
The first few days without my boyfriend, or ex, is depressing. I find myself withdrawing from any food I see, and I ignore any texts from everyone. I don't want to talk. I don't want to eat. Even music makes me sick to my stomach. His favorite song plays on the radio constantly these days. I hate that song. I hate him. I hate the feelings he gave me. I hate that a part of me still wants him to come through my door and hug me. I hate it all. I don't want to go back to school. My eyes sting and my stomach hurts every time I think of him. He took it all without even hesitating. Now I know why they call it a heartbreak. My chest feels like it's ripping itself apart.
"Jisung, you home?" Chris's voice rings out through my house. I turn over in my bed so my back faces the door. I don't want him here. Please let him leave. Much to my disappointment, the door to my bedroom clicks open.
"Jisung?" Changbin calls. Great they are both here.
"Is he sleeping?" Chris asks.
The door closes quietly and I hear them shuffle over to my bed. Someone takes a seat on the end of it, peaking over to see if my eyes are open. I quickly close them.
"I saw that," Changbin mutters, his hand smacking my hip a bit. I guess I was too slow. I really don't want to open my mouth. I'm too tired.
"Are you okay? Are you sick?" Chris puts his hand on my forehead. I push him away as much as I can.
"Please leave me alone," I whisper, my voice already cracking.
They pick up on it, no doubt. "Hey, what happened? Did you have a fight with your mom or something?"
No. Something worse. "Just leave. I want to sleep," I tell them. They do eventually leave. Though their reluctance to do so is huge. They come by a few more days that week. Friday is the day I break it to them. "We broke up. He cheated on me again."
"That mother fucker. I'll break his fucking neck," Changbin growls.
"Calm down. What's most important is how Jisung is feeling. How are you feeling, Ji?"
How am I feeling? "Honestly?" The two tell me to be completely transparent with them. "I want to fall asleep and never wake up. I don't want to do anything. I just want the pain to stop. Why won't it stop? I keep telling my heart that it shouldn't hurt, but it won't listen. Chris, Changbin, why do bad things happen? Why can't we all be happy?"