✰ Rap Star ⤑ Changlix

23

I stand on a stage with Changbin and Chris by my side. Somehow Chris got us a gig in this random club. He knows too many people. I stare at my feet. Is this a mistake? Should I be standing in this open area? I'm not even that talented. I'm so tired. That dance class helps, sure, but I'm still exhausted mentally. Therapists always tell you to be active so the chemicals inside your brain keep moving around or something like that. Honestly though, I feel worse having to do things. I feel like shit either way.
"Jisung," I look up and meet the gaze of Changbin. He places his hand on my shoulder with a pitiful smile. "Just let it all out tonight. Don't hold anything back."
I take a deep breath and nod. We have about three songs we are going to do together. The rest of our time the guys are giving to me to let out my pent up heartbreak. I'm scared. I'm the least confident in our group. I don't get time to drown in my pessimistic thoughts. I guess that's the plus side of being a performer. When the beat comes on, you have to drop it all and just do it. It's more embarrassing if you ditch the scene. So I do it. I rap with Chris and Changbin. I'm stiff, and my voice is weaker than I'd like it to be, but Chris and Changbin make up for it. It's fine. My vocals are better anyway. So when it does come time for me to perform by myself, I just sing. I sing like I've never sung before.
Goodbyes by Post Malone.
Without me by Halsey.
F*ck you goodbye by The Kid Laroi.
Obvious by Ian Dior.
Apologize by one republic.
After those songs I leave the stage as well as the club. It hurts. It's over. Six months and now I'm singing about our break up. I really am pathetic. I find myself back in my room sobbing my eyes out. Time heals? Lies. It's been two weeks and I still feel dead inside. The funniest thing is, I know it's not my fault that this happened. He was a jerk. We needed to split up anyway. We were toxic. A big chunk of me doesn't care about that though. I want to go back and turn a blind eye to all the shit he's done. He's a human too, he makes mistakes, and he needs someone to stay by his side. I want to be that person, but I can't be. I know that I need to leave so he can realize that he's not going to find someone the way he is now. Actually, he probably doesn't even care. I was just a body to use, wasn't I? Here I am thinking he'll understand after I'm gone, but if that was who he was, he would've tried to chase me. At least call me. Where is my mom when I need her? Where did all that luck I saved up go? I feel so alone despite having Chris and Changbin to support me. That just makes me feel even worse. Why aren't they enough for me?
I end up passing out with thoughts like that. The next day is dance practice, so of course I attend and do the usual stretching before we get into the real practice. When it's finished with, I sit in the corner, pushing my jacket into my duffel bag. I'm too hot to wear it now. My eyes roam the room. Everyone has at least one friend. I look away and work on re-lacing my shoes. I don't want to be the first to leave. Everyone will gossip about me then. All eyes will start moving to me. I don't like attention like that. I see some sneakers in front of mine suddenly, so I look up. There's a guy standing in front of me. I recognize him as the pretty popular guy in class. His moves are always fluid and perfect. He's the only other guy that doesn't have a friend to hang out with. In his hands are two water bottles. He sticks one out, offering it to me. I take it with one hand and mutter out a thank you. He takes the spot next to me, unscrewing the cap to take a sip from his drink. I watch him from the corner of my eye for few seconds before looking at my own bottle. My nails press into the plastic, a quiet crunching noise being made.
"Your name is Han Jisung, right?" The guy asks.
I nod and start to turn the cap on my drink. I'm actually dying of thirst since I forgot my container at my house. School has been driving me insane next to my break up. My face goes sour as I remember why it is I'm dancing in the first place. To keep myself active enough to not want to die.
"You don't talk a lot, do you?"
"Only to the people I know well," I tell him.
"I'm Lee Minho," he says, his hand showing up in my field of vision. I take it and give him a weak shake before releasing my grip.
"Nice to meet you," I reply.
"You are the youngest in the studio," Minho informs. I shrug. I didn't know this. I don't actually care that much. "I was surprised that you were so good. I saw your performance last night though, so it all figured itself out then. Do you perform a lot usually?"
Minho knew it was me on stage? "No, it was my first time. How did you know it was me?"
"Your dance moves. Since you didn't have any choreography you used some of the moves we've been learning recently. I then saw you when you left and recognized you," he explains to me in a gentle tone. He probably saw me crying and that's why he is speaking softly.
"It was a bad idea. You should just forget about it. I don't plan on doing it again," I whisper. I finally take a sip of my water after saying this.
"Bad idea? I thought it was really cool. You and your friends brightened up the whole mood. It takes a lot of passion and courage to step onto a stage and sing in front of so many people. You did pretty good considering."
Why is this guy complimenting me? I don't know him at all. "Can I get your number?"
My eyes widen slightly. I finally look him in the eyes. "You want my number?"
Minho nods slowly. "I wanted to see you perform again. So you can text me if you do decide to continue doing it. Even if you don't, it would still be nice to have a friend in this class. We might have to partner up some day and I'd rather it be a guy than a girl."
I don't exactly know how to process all of this. Does he want to avoid the girls cause they constantly hit on him, or because he's into guys and it will be easier to express? Wait, is he flirting with me? No. Don't think like this Jisung. He just wants a friend. I take out my phone and look at it. My wallpapers are still of me and him. I need to change them. I snap a picture of the large mirror in front of me and set it as both my screensaver and background. Minho give's me a questionable look. I hand him my phone and say, "I broke up with my boyfriend. Haven't been using my phone so I forgot to change it." He doesn't look like one to be homophobic and I can't hide it since he's already seen my previous phone screen.
"That sucks. No wonder you sang a bunch of breakup songs the other day," Minho takes my phone and types in his number. "How'd it happen?"
He's direct for just having met me. "He cheated on me," I say.
"He cheated?" Minho rolls his eyes with a scoff. "What a prick," he sighs and gives me a sad smile. "Try not to let it get to you. It's his fault for being an unstable piece of shit. He lost a real talent when he chose that path."
Minho hands me back my phone and pushes himself up from the floor. "Thanks," I find myself stuttering out.
Minho gives me a quick smile. "Call me if you ever need me. Texts are boring. I'll see you next week."
He slips out of the studio after that. I'm left with a few other dancers. I guess I should drag myself out as well. While I walk home, my mind keeps wandering to Minho. It was such a sudden interaction. I guess I have a new friend. I sigh. I don't want any new friends.