Song of the day

-15-

"toga..." I mumble into my sheets "What's wrong hun? you've not moved for a couple of days." has it really been that long? "He...he has a boyfriend and whenever I go out I keep on seeing them and it makes me hurt so bad, he's happier with a hero when he said all those nice things to me when he said he loved me and all those spet names he called me. was all that just to make fun of me? because I feel stupid for falling for him. his plan was to only break my heart"

She comfortingly rubs my back. "Hey, it's going to be fine. Do you know what you need? A cheeky bevoirgino and to whore out. Common it'll be fun, or we can go killing or robbing it's up to you.

He really does look happier, But he was just lying to me when he said he doesn't do relationships he just doesn't like me... Why would I ever think somebody will? I mean look at me I'm so fucking ugly It's unbelievable. And I'm unbelievably weird. Why did I ever think I stood a chance. Just look at him, he's gorgeous a practical God. It isn't a surprise that he's with somebody like that.

I knew It was too good to be true. I can't just sit here I need to get revenge. Maybe I can kill hawks? No, just because he's going out with the person I like doesn't mean I can kill him

I'll just get myself a boyfriend.

I don't want to do that but I want him to feel as hurt as I do. If he even feels anything anymore.

I can't do that to him... I can't it's not fair. But what he did wasn't fair to me. After all those times he rejected me and did this. I don't know how to feel... was it me? It was just me right? I'm the issue here I've always been the issue so wouldn't it be better if I weren't here. Then I wouldn't face him I wouldn't get in the way and I wouldn't feel so bad.

Day after day it's all the same, wake up tired and miserable, get on with my everyday act like everything is ok, get home and cry myself to sleep. This isn't the life I thought I'd have. I thought I'd be in a university by now... living the dream but things are going nowhere for me. Not now, not ever.

I cannot live a relaxed life yet you seem so relaxed living it. I need to grow up and move on, but the thoughts inside and the voices screaming for me not to the voices are getting louder and louder. So loud I cannot hear a sound.

Why can't I have a nice life? I deserve it! After everything I've been through I deserve to be happy. Why do you get to be happy? Why does everyone get to be happy but not me... Am i cursed or something?

I want a normal job I don't want to be a villain, I just wanna go and get out of here. Maybe travel? Or maybe go underground. Who knows?

I don't miss him, I miss the thought of having him by me and exclusively for me.

I'm just being selfish he deserves happiness no one knows about him so no one knows how hard his life can be. I hate this, my disease like emotions this is why I don't get close to people because I always got hurt and guess what it's happened again! This was all Naive love. ALL OF IT!! I refused to acknowledge his flaws and now I can never be happy, I will never be young again.

Whilst I was thinking about a future he was thinking about another guy's dick, what does that make me? Stupid? Incredibly. It's like I deliberately ran into a knife. And now Toga, this is the part where I shut up, you go and forget all about this little insignificant rant and I allow him to infest my brain again."

Song of the day: it's all futile! It's all pointless!

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yay new chapter! sorry it took long to come out, I'm sure you guys are fed up with how long it takes but I put my heart and soul into this chapter because it reminds me of a time I want to forget but never can. fun fact I did cry while writing it. :)