Sunflowers...

Part eight: Moral of the story

(Tw: self harm and suicide thoughts) Joy pov: There I sat. One years I did nothing. Not a Single cut, not even a needle peek. But now... my whole word just shattered. " For you maybe" wow I honestly did not know that these three words would be able to shatter my world.

Tears were running down my face. Falling onto my jeans soaking into the jeans and making them wet. I cried for seven minutes straight now. I don't know why but as soon as kolf left the room I went over to the sharpener, got a screwdriver and opened the sharpener. There she was. The little blade which had ruined my life once....which is going to ruin it again. It was may and it started to get hotter and everyone was wearing shorts and crop tops. Luckily I was never that kind of person. I liked wearing shirts and smocking jeans not dresses. I had no problem with scars.

(This is the part of the sh if u can't read it skip it I'll tell you when it's over <33) I slowly slit down in front of my bed holding the blade millimetres over my skin. I slowly put it down,down into my skin. A slight cut. One more. Another one. And another one. A smiley. Yeah it looked like a smiley. Blood was running down my arms.

I put down the blade and poured it into my skin deeper and deeper until It turned white instead of red. I took the blade out of my skin and smiled. I smiled over what I just did. Over the way u just made myself bleed. And again I took the blade.

This time I though it should be a art work. I cried heavily and started shaking. My hands,feet,arms,my whole body was shaking. After some minutes I looked down at my arms. They were filled with blood and cuts.

Blood was dripping down my jeans. I rolled up the ends of my jeans and started cutting there. One minute, two minutes, three minutes- nothing. Everything got cold. "Maybe u lost to much blood", I said to myself silently.

You are actually pretty stupid. You didn't cut yourself for one years and now this? What the fuck is wrong with you", I kept saying to myself. The blood was running down my ankles and my fingers. Nothing seemed to stop it. I picked up the blade once again ,analysed it very close "maybe you should swallow it", a little me in my head said.

No one absolutely no one will be sad if you're dead. "Nah that's not worth it ",I said and threw the blade across the room

"JOY WHAT THE FUCK" (this is the part where the sh ends)
"Oh hey Clyde", I said. "What the fuck have you done joy what did you do", he replied hysterically. "I found a blade", I whispered. He dropped some whine and got his phone out. He called someone. Idk who but I suddenly felt happy. I cried, shaked, bleed, died but i didn't care at all

"Joy what have you done", a voice deep inside of my head said. It was Clyde but younger...much younger.

This Uhm idk just deal with it <3 :D