The first couple chapters might not be written well, but it does get better as the book goes on.
I've edited most again.
___
Stared: April 9th, 2022
Finished: May 22nd, 2023
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3rd person POV:
Aaron Z. didn't fully understand how he and Aaron T. had come to be-considering that they confessed unknowingly before realisation dawned over them and they had decided to date, without actually saying it-but he knew one thing.
Seeing his boyfriend, sitting on the sofa beside him, eyes glued to the tv...
Had his heart racing.
It wasn't like he thought T would get up and stab him or something, but rather...
Z would never admit it,
but he really wanted to cuddle.
It didn't matter though. He was too nervous to reach over, to scoot closer, to offer T some of his blanket. His palms were sweaty, his mind a whirlwind, his heart beating so hard it was probably cracking his ribs.
It certainly felt like it was.
He didn't know what was going on on the tv, his attention on T. Even though his unfocused eyes were stuck to the screen at hand-at eye-they were more than less on T, in a way.
Z swallowed, slouching back into the sofa.
"She's crazy," T said aloud, not quite laughing, but his lips were still curled up in amusement. Z turned back to the tv, a lady-he felt like he was supposed to know who she was, but he didn't. She was playing football or something with a bunch of poor kids. Viciously. "But that's sort of smart, isn't it?"
Z nodded.
What's sort of smart?-
If he was so panicked about cuddling, what about kissing? Would they ever kiss? Would they be together long enough to? What if T thought their relationship was one sided and decided to break up with him?
No. T knew what Z was like. He'd understand, wouldn't he?
But Z had never been nervous like this before. not with T.
Would T take that as a sign, thinking they'd be better off as friends?
Because Z really wanted to be able to hold hands, share morning kisses, do all the sweet, sappy things couples do. Being boyfriends though, in itself, wasn't a huge difference. They were always intimate as best friends, just... minus the kissing, cuddling and the said hand-holding.
He looked back up at the tv, his stomach churning. Now there were three kids. He felt like he ought to know them, but he only remembered the sea monster at the beginning, rounding up fish or something like that.
Fuck. We decided to watch this together and i'm not even paying attention.
But it's his fault! don't blame yourself.
No, no. You really should be blaming yourself. getting caught up in your thoughts.
Thoughts about how to be the best boyfriend you can be! It's not your fault!
Z shook off the argument inside his head, leaning back helplessly into the sofa. He snuck a glance at his boyfriend-Oh, that was still such a weird thing to say-Hoping to catch a glimpse of his brown eyes, maybe shimmering with a reflection of the screen.
But those brown eyes weren't on the screen.
They were on Z.
And T was smiling goofily, as if he could read Z's mind.
Z chuckled nervously. "What are you looking at? uh, is the movie boring? We can change it if you want-" Z stammered, reaching for the remote.
T's hand stopped Z's outstretched arm. "No, no! the movie's great...but your mumbling is a little more entertaining."
Z felt the colour drain from his face, whilst simultaneously feeling heat rush to his cheeks. "Mumbling?!"
"Oh, i'm such a baaaad boyfriend, not even paying attention," T teased in a high pitched voice, batting his eyelashes excessively. "It's all my fault, i don't deseeeerve him."
Z gaped with wide eyes and his jaw on his lap, before bringing his legs up onto the sofa and kicking T.
"Oh, i'm such a baaaaaad boyfrieeeendddd..." T drawled, grabbing Z's ankles and stopping his kicks. "I should really be blaming myselffff, i suck soooo baddddd..."
i didn't even say that last part!
Z groaned, flushing a bright red. He grabbed the blanket and covered his face, which was so hot he almost hesitated, not wanting to set the blanket on fire.
"You're overthinking, Z," T chuckled, pushing Z's legs off the couch and scooting towards him. He gently took the blanket away from Z's face, smiling softly. "But i'm not complaining. that was adorable."
"Shut up," Z looked away, glaring at the wall.
T laughed loudly, planting a featherlight kiss on Z's forehead.
Z paused to think before slowly leaning his head against T's shoulder.
He could feel T's wide, shit-eating grin.
But he could also feel his slender fingers running through his hair.
He grumbled, making sure T knew he didn't appreciate that previous taunting, but T only kissed the top of his head.
"You stupid idiot," T said, turning back to the tv.
"You're the idiot," Z couldn't help but smile a little, letting himself lean into T, who continued brushing through Z's hair. "Idiot."
"Creative," T snorted, and then they lapsed into silence.
It was comfortable though. Z's heart wasn't trying to break his ribs anymore; that was pretty good.
"T?"
"Hm?"
The room was quiet again as Z hesitated. Was it the right time to ask? He was completely and utterly unsure... considering the soft atmosphere, the comfort that came with the two of them being together, the way they relished in the presence of the other...
