Aaron T. x Aaron Z. - One-shots

Amnesia

I drove by all the places we used to hang out getting wasted. I thought about our last kiss the way you felt, the way you tasted.

T never expected that he would fall for Z. He definitely didn't expect to lose his best friend after falling for him. He always would remember every memory he shared with Z from getting stoned in his basement, to make out sessions in the park, to sleeping next to him.

He was in love with Z. So, when Z decided to go to college in California, T did everything to make it work. This included moving to California. But now he lived back in their hometown, away from Z.

The love of his life.

And even though your friends tell me you're doing fine, Are you somewhere feeling lonely even though he's right beside you?

T thought he meant something to Z. He knew from the moment they started dating to the moment they kissed to the moment they broke up that Z and him were always going to be each other's missing piece. Or so he thought. He had thought he and Z would get back together eventually, but T was slowly starting to realize that he had completely false hope.

Then, T actually saw photos on Z's Instagram of Z kissing some girl. It killed every part of T he had left since the break up. He cried so hard that night, and was unable to sleep through the pain. It had been three months since the break up and T was sure he'd never get over it, even if Z was out there kissing other people.

When he says those words that hurt you, do you read the ones I wrote you? Sometimes I start to wonder was it just a lie? If what we had was real, how could you be fine? Cuz I'm not fine at all.

About a month after their breakup, Z called T in a moment of weakness. T remembered the phone call word for word, Z crying about his awful girlfriend and wishing he and T were back together, telling him he read T's old notes every day. Yet, nothing changed. Z ignored him again from then on. T was back to being heartbroken. That false hope plummeted further than he had already been. He felt that he really did have nowhere to go.

I remember the day you told me you were leaving. I remember the makeup running down your face.

Another memory that always played in T's head was the day that he and Z broke up. The fight that broke out between the two because T had become ultra close to one of his friends again. How Z said he knew T would never love him the way he had loved her. There was so much crying that went on that night, and the fight lasted hours. It exhausted T, but he thought in his heart that no matter what, this fight would still not be the end of things for them. But Z was positive that T didn't love him, which led him to packing his bags to leave, leaving T to himself in a cold, dark room. It was especially cold that night when T went to sleep without Z there cuddling right beside him.

And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them. Like every single wish we ever made.

T and Z had always talked about their future together. They had named their kids, picked out their future jobs, and even figured out that they were going to move out of the country. They had everything planned. They even knew the theme of their wedding. It always helped T through tough times to know that he and Z had an amazing future together all planned out. T was counting down the days til the day he had planned to propose to Z. Except...it never got to that day before things crashed and burned.

T knew that he would die to get those dreams back. They would be something that would make him feel that life was worth living for, especially in the deep dark state that he had been in ever since the break up. He wondered how Z felt about these dreams they had made. He wondered if he made similar plans with his new girlfriend. He hoped not. T wanted those dreams to be unique to his relationship with Z.

I wish that I could wake up with amnesia and forget about the stupid little things. Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you, And the memories I never can escape.

T had not been the same since Z left. He cut off everybody. He never socialized at all. He never played video games. He never talked to anyone. He hardly ever left his room.

He couldn't do it. His mental health was out of control.

T did try to make himself forget Z multiple times; through prayer, hypnotism, and even an attempted concussion he tried to give himself. It never worked. He knew that Z was permanently implanted in his brain, like a tattoo.

The pictures that you sent me they're still living in my phone. I'll admit I like to see them, I'll admit I feel alone.

T spent a lot of time looking at photos of Z and him together, kissing, holding hands, just being together and happy. Every picture Z had ever taken on his phone. It made him smile through his tears. He loved this boy, more than that new girlfriend of his ever could. It broke his heart to think that Z no longer looked at T that way. T knew that things were not going to ever be the same, and it killed him.

And all my friends keep asking why I'm not around. It hurts to know you're happy, and it hurts that you've moved on.

T hadn't talked to Robaire, Jesse, Tae, or anyone since he lost Z. He couldn't take it. He saw Z's face in everyone he looked at. He isolated himself from the world. He couldn't do it. He couldn't look at them and pretend to be fine. He knew they would ask him "How's Z?" and T knew he would break down at those words. He would fall apart in front of everyone.

Z was the glue that had held the group together.

Z was the glue that held T together.

If today I woke up with you right beside me, like all of this was just some twisted dream, I'd hold you closer than I ever did before. And you'd never slip away.

T sobbed himself to sleep every night, if he was able to even catch any sleep. All he wanted was to drift off to sleep in Z's arms, and without Z there, he couldn't get himself to fall asleep. He had gotten so damn used to falling asleep in Z's arms that he didn't even want to imagine another way of life, and here he was living that nightmare.

T often called Z and hung up before it could go to voicemail. He also often got drunk and tried to sleep with other people to see if it would help him forget about Z. He had tried a lot of things, and nothing every worked.

T wished that he could get Z out of his head or get him back. But judging from Z's instagram, Z was happy. He had a new girlfriend to share his dreams with. He had someone better in his life.

______________________________________

well, I lied.

this book isn't completed just yet, I have a couple more stories to add first.