The first couple chapters might not be written well, but it does get better as the book goes on.
I've edited most again.
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Stared: April 9th, 2022
Finished: May 22nd, 2023
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3rd person POV:
Z was making himself some coffee while having this uneasy feeling. Checking the time, it was already one hour after midnight and T still hasn't come back home. Unconsciously biting his bottom lip, his thoughts were unsteady and his heart messy.
T had been coming home very late recently and whenever Z asked him about it, he brushed him off, changing topics. And Z didn't know what to think about it, but instead just insisted of trusting T. Because he knows T loves him and wouldn't do anything that would hurt Z. Or at least he hoped so.
Hearing the door noise as someone unlocked it Z went to check if it was T.
"Welcome back," Z got happy as he saw that T had come back
"I'm back."
"Where were you?"
"Just out with some friends,"
"Ooh, how it was?" Z inquired.
"Fine as always," T wasn't too interested in the conversation.
"That's great." Z tried to hug him from the back but T escaped from it.
"Tomorrow Z, I'll go sleep now, I'm tired"
Dumping the coffee in the sink because Z didn't feel like drinking it anymore, his mood got ruined and the uneasiness got heavier. Leaving out a sigh, he got into his room and T's, who has already lied down on the bed in the try of sleeping. Z lied down and turned his back to T, closing his eyes and trying not to overthink and fall asleep if he could.
-
The sun's rays mildly carresing Z's face causing him to wake up. Slowly opening his eyes but not fully since the sunshine blocked his vision he turned to the other side and noticed that T wasn't there.
He got out of his bed, dressed up and went to the bathroom to wash his face, brush his teeth and try to do something about his bed hair.
It seemed like T was outside since he was nowhere to be seen in the apartment. To call him or not to call him was the question wandering in Z's mind. After some hesitating he finally decided to get his phone and call T. Dialing his number he got weirdly nervous and started biting his bottom lip, a habit he developed recently.
"Hello?" A woman's voice answered the phone on the other side.
"W-where's Aaron?" Z's voice stuttered
"Ooh, he's in the bathroom. Do you need me to leave a mess-" and Z hung up after hearing the first sentence, he had enough and everything was crystal clear to him already.
What now? Z was asking himself. What is he gonna do now? He trusted T so much, he trusted him so badly and yet, it was all for nothing? When did it happen though? When did T start losing interest in him? When did he feel himself falling out of love with Z? When did he lose all the feeling he had for Z? When did he start thinking of an another woman? When did he decide to touch another woman?
The thought of T loving and touching another woman terrified him. He got goosebumps just by imagining T's lips on her skin. T being happy with someone else other than him was his biggest fear. He could never get over that, that would be the end of him. His world would've crushed.
His own thoughts were destructing him, but they just wouldn't stop, each one coming with even bigger pain than the one before it. The stabbing pain in his heart wouldn't stop, and Z was getting weaker. Tears wouldn't stop from falling no matter how hard he tried to stop them.
Wiping off his tears, and before going to their bedroom he washed his face and slapped his face a few times. Going into the bedroom he packed everything he owned except the couple of things he and T shared.
Getting his car keys, he exited the house and where was he going? To his house in the country side leaving T. Because he couldn't face him, not now when everything is fresh. Because if he saw him now he wouldn't now what would he do to T, what would he say. These things were always something Z was bad at. He didn't know how should he react with these situations and instead he always chose to run away and hide. The same thing he's doing right now.
Getting in the car and starting the engine he was saying goodbye to T and his feelings. Though he knew, he knew that he wouldn't forget T so easily, his biggest love and also first. Z didn't love anyone as much as he loved T, T was always so special to him. He had his untouchable composure on outside except the swollen eyes, but inside he was breaking, it was hurting, hurting so badly. It was something Z was weak against, the pain was winning over him. And no, he didn't know how he was going to live without T, his world was stolen from him by some woman and know how is he gonna replace the hole that was formed by T not being in his life anymore. Who's gonna replace the broken pieces of his heart with new ones since they can never be fixed and be the same ever again? Who's going to heal Z's wounds? Who's gonna shoo away his pain?
