A Fistful of Fat - A Big the Cat x Reader Story

Chapter 14 - A Little Insane

Amy Rose knew full well that true insanity was not something that just "Happened." It was something that was learned. All the best fiction had taught her this. Taxi Driver, The Joker, American Psycho, and Fight Club. And she only knew one hog with his finger on the pulse of true mental illness - and the other finger up his ass. That hog? Shadow the Hedgehog. Amy went out to the desert, where Shadow, for some reason, was known to lurk. She found him squatting on a cactus, singing. It sounded like this:
"When I was a young boy
My father took me into the city
To see a marching band
He said, "Son, when you grow up
Would you be the savior of the broken
The beaten and the damned?"
He said, "Will you defeat them?
Your demons, and all the non-believers
The plans that they have made?"
"Because one day, I'll leave you a phantom
To lead you in the summer
To join the black parade"
When I was a young boy
My father took me into the city
To see a marching band
He said, "Son, when you grow up
Would you be the savior of the broken
The beaten and the damned?"
Sometimes I get the feelin'
She's watchin' over me
And other times I feel like I should go
And through it all, the rise and fall
The bodies in the streets
And when you're gone, we want you all to know
We'll carry on, we'll carry on
And though you're dead and gone, believe me
Your memory will carry on
We'll carry on
And in my heart, I can't contain it
The anthem won't explain it
A world that sends you reelin'
From decimated dreams
Your misery and hate will kill us all
So paint it black and take it back
Let's shout it loud and clear
Defiant to the end, we hear the call
To carry on, we'll carry on
And though you're dead and gone, believe me
Your memory will carry on
We'll carry on
And though you're broken and defeated
Your weary widow marches
On and on, we carry through the fears
Oh, ah, ha
Disappointed faces of your peers
Oh, ah, ha
Take a look at me, 'cause I could not care at all
Do or die, you'll never make me
Because the world will never take my heart
Go and try, you'll never break me
We want it all, we wanna play this part
I won't explain or say I'm sorry
I'm unashamed, I'm gonna show my scars
Give a cheer for all the broken
Listen here, because it's who we are
Just a man, I'm not a hero
Just a boy, who had to sing this song
Just a man, I'm not a hero
I don't care
We'll carry on, we'll carry on
And though you're dead and gone, believe me
Your memory will carry on
You'll carry on
And though you're broken and defeated
Your weary widow marches, oh
Do or die, you'll never make me
Because the world will never take my heart
Go and try, you'll never break me
We want it all, we wanna play this part (we'll carry on)
Do or die, you'll never make me (we'll carry on)
Because the world will never take my heart (we'll carry on)
Go and try, you'll never break me (we'll carry on)
We want it all, we wanna play this part (we'll carry on!)"

"God Shadow, your so cool," Amy said gently.
"I know," he replied. "What do you want from me?"
"I need you to teach me how to be crazy and EdGy!"
"Hi! I'm Septic the Shitlog!" Septic the Shitlog said gently.
"Okay," shadow said. "We can do that. Lesson one: get on your knees and start eating sand."
"Okay, why?"
"I thought you wanted to learn how to be crazy? There's nothing crazier than this."
"O-okay," Amy said. She got down on her knees and started shoveling sand into her gullet. It wasn't very pleasant for her. Amy didn't like sand. It was coarse, and got everywhere. But after several hours of sand eating, Amy stood up, feeling approximately 0.23% crazier than she had felt before. She could feel it working. Shadow was definitely meant to be her sherpa on her journey to crazy town. The sand sloshed around strangely in her belly. She knew well that this night, she would poop blood. But this was a small price to pay to become i N s A n E. It was the only way she would be able to show Sonic how badly he had hurt her. Certainly, actually speaking to him with literal words would have been fruitless. So when shadow the hedgehog handed her a scorpion and told her to put it under her giant eyelid, she totally went for it. Sure, it stung like hell, and she definitely was going to be partially blind, probably permanently, but yes indeed- this act made her feel another at least 11% insaner.
"You have done well," Shadow told her. He picked up a burrito and cocked it.
"Is- is that a pump action burrito?" Amy asked.
"I'm Septic the Shitlog!" Septic said.
"Yes, it is pump-action." He handed her the burrito. "I want you to shoot me."
"W-what?" Amy stuttered. "B-but Shadow..."
Shadow got all up in her face. "Well? You wanna be fucking crazy dontcha? You wanna be totally fucking nuts? Like, padded room, straight jacket, fucking YES I PLAY VIDEO GAMES DEAL WITH IT crazy? Do ya? Well then you gotta shoot me. Right here." Shadow pointed to a spot on his upper arm.
"B-but- but - but Shadow!" Amy cried.
"DO IT!!" Shadow shouted angrily yet gently. "Do it!! Right here!"
Amy aimed the burrito and fired a guacamole bullet directly into Shadows heart. He fell to the ground, stunned and dazed. He pointed to the bullet hole in his heart.
"Damn," he said. "Not here..."
He then died.
"Truly, truly, he was the craziest of crazy bastards. Shadow, I'm not sure I can live up to your level of raw, shit eating insanity. But boy, It'd be my honor to try..." Amy said as a tear streamed down her face.
"I'm Septic the Shitlog!" Spetic added, gently.

end of Chapter 14