Pit of Love

9.A New Year

Dinah's POV

New Year Eve was my worst eve so far .I acted happily in front of my family but then I was upset .I kept thinking about him .His every updates hurt me. The love i had for him was unexpressful,words couldn't fit in nor explain how much i loved and fell for him .He become my world ,my air that only I breathed in. I was engrossed into him. I wanted him more than anything i ever dreamed of .I just wanted him no matter what .He knew that i loved him ,but he never bothered to express his feelings towards me .What he had was never disclosed .I wanted him to understand, how i felt towards him,how his every updates ,every encounter with him and the girl hurt me ,but then he never thought of it.

After New Year ,I decided to change but i wasn't sure if i was even ready to accept the changes .I had the germ of envy all around me .I envied every couple around me,whenever I saw them i thought of him and the girl Jung together. I was being stupid, hurting myself ,an idiot, scared, screaming from his pit of love.

The desperation for help was visible by myself ,I knew I needed help ,to share with someone but i wasn't ready to open myself up.I wasn't even ready to share to people because I felt that people will know how he was .I didn't want anyone to know his bad sides so i never shared.I did relied on my friends but then it was incomplete with my family. Moving forward was one of the hardest thing to do.I tried hard to do but I knew I wasn't giving an effort,it didn't last for long.I gave up ,I just wanted to be with him ,even of I knew I was being an bitch or worse than that. I needed him more than he needed me.He needed me for sex while i needed him to survive. I was into him ,desperate fro him.I cried hard .I cried so bad all the time, looking at the ceiling every night that i lost count of the days passing by.

A week after new year i decided to cook something. So one evening i went in the kitchen, to distract myself .I felt a sudden ache on my chest ,i was unable to breathe, i felt numbness all over my body ,I collapsed. I was lying on the floor helpless unable to move ,it felt as if my heart was struck .I saw my Dad rushing towards me calling me out ,picking me up on his arms .I zoned out.

I woke up at hospital few hours later.I saw Mom ,Dad ,my sisters weeping .I was looking at them still confused what was wrong with me.

The doctor came ,check me up and asked how I felt .I smiled at him ,yet i felt numbness in my left hand .My left hand was precious to me ,it was the hand i wrote .I looked at it ,it was still trembling, i tried to stop it but I couldn't. I looked at the Doctor ,i didn't know what to say .I was at the emergency room but then I was taken by the nurse to do some test.I saw on a wheelchair, I couldn't walk even if I wanted to my left leg and hands were numb.While i wad out from the emergency room ,my sister Husham grabbed my left hand that was still trembling,said "You're gonna be okay ,Everyone is praying for you, don't be afraid". I smiled ,I was pretending. I was scared as hell yet i wanted to pretend to be strong cause that was the best i could do .The nurse took me to X ray room ,took an x ray of my chest ,later took me to ECG room .There were wires all stuck on me .The nurse told me to stay calm not to think of anything else.

I was admitted in a room instead of the emergency room.I sat on the bed with my sisters .Mom and Dad came along with the doctors .My mom came and sat beside me .The doctor looked at me and smiled .I was left alone with my doctor. There were two doctors .Dr.Ang and Dr.Ilio .

Dr.Ang came and sat at the edge of my bed .I was still under observation so he instructed the nurse to remove my ECG plugs for sometime. He said he was gonna ask some questions. I said okay

Dr.Ang- How are you ?

Me- I'm fine.

Dr.Ang.-Is something bothering you?

Me- No ,not at all .

Looks at me discouraged said,Then you are too young to have heart problem. Its rare,a young girl like you suffering from something that's shocking for both your familes and me.

I stared at him shocked .I thought he was joking .He said ,"You have heart issues its true .You had mild cardiac today .That is the reason why your hands keeps trembling. It got effected because of your heart .Your heart hurt your hands .The sad thing is that your heart hurt your hands but it can't heal your hands .You must do it yourself .Your heart has effected your nerves .Dr Ilio here,will help you to stop your hands from trembling. Now Didi,tell me what happened to you ?What's stressing you out?

I looked at my Doctors they were both handsome. Dr.Ang was tall so was Dr.Ilio .Dr .Ang loked like he was in his mid 40s .He was tall ,well build He was a cardiologist. Dr.Ilio was in his mid 50s ,he was a cardiologist too but also a great surgeon. Dr.Ilio told me if i didn't improve then I will need a surgery. I looked at both of them .I didn't know what to say. Dr .Ang questioned again.

Dr.Ang - How is your family .

Me-My family is fine ,Uncle .

I smiled cheerfully, I was comfortable with him cause Dr .Ang was my fathers younger brother.He was my Uncle Ang.

He asked if anything was bothering me I said no.He then asked if I had a boyfriend I smiled innocently, then said Nope again I knew I was lying .I hated the fact that i lied but then I was ashamed to disclose the truth .He told me ,"If you don't tell me then how will i treat you ".I said," i will be fine ".

Dr.Ang and Dr.Ilio left . My family came back .I smiled cheerfully at them. They didn't ask anything to me.Dad came said that he was leaving since its late.Mom and dad left I was left with my sis Husham

I slept off tired, while my hands still trembled.I didn't tell any of my friends about my sickness. But then I didn't know that Mom had enquired about me to Sidon and Jess. I came to know about it when they both texted me.I saw shocked worried what did they say but no one had told anything .Sidon didn't say a word.Jessica didn't say a thing ,Jess didn't had a clue about it cause I never told about my problems. I told them i was fine at home taking rest.I looked at phone .I didn't see any messages of him .I was discouraged ,but he didn't even text me .

I slept again thinking about him .

Classes had started ,it had been week .I was still at the hospital under observation .My father was not ready to leave me at home alone nor my Uncle Ang allowed me to get discharged since he knew there was no one at home to take care of.My mom was not ready to take the risk of me collapsing suddenly while i was alone. Every one agreed on me staying at hospital cause every one at home was busy working .They knew alone with Uncle Ang that hospital was best for me .

I was taking Physiotherapy sessions with a different doctor ,a female .She was Dr.Jane ,she was pretty .I enjoyed her company. I took Physiotherapy sessions for an hour.One week and i knew i was doing fine .Dr.Ilio had prescribed me some pills to reduce the numbness of my hands .The pills were magic for me cause i was now able to hold the pen and write too.

Dad always came after his work directly so did mom and my sisters too.My mom was a Professor, my dad was an engineer. My sister Admah ,Husham were both teachers while my sister Sarai was a Physiotherapist too.

I felt guilty towards them whenever i saw them .I wanted to tell them but then I didn't had the courage to tell them .Every evening all of my family will come by spend time with me then eat dinner and leave me behind with my sister or sometime mom and dad both slept with me .

My stay at the hospital extended, i was habituated by the surrounding. I had sessions of exercise for my left hand and legs .But of all the things i did ,i missed him .My new year was a disaster for me .I didn't see him ,I was fine with it.But i wanted to get better ,just to meet him again .I wanted him .I missed him more and more every day, but then I didn't had the courage to text him after what had happened on New years Eve I couldn't. He never texted me after that day .I never bothered to do it too . But then I missed him ,his ash blonde hair ,his touch ,his smile, his affection towards me was all missed .