Pit of Love

10.Survive

Dinah's POV

I didn't had anything to do apart from sleeping ,since my therapy was only at evening. I woke up at Noon ,when i woke up I saw Sidon and Jessica sitting along with my mom.Jess came towards me ,sobbed saying that i will be fine .Sidon sat on the other side of the bed ,whispered its all because of him. I laughed at him ,said No.I thought how could he be the reason of my sickness .

My mom left us alone .We talked about the lectures and classes i had missed.I begged them not to tell anyone ,even him .I didn't intend to gain anyone attention just because I was sick.I told Sidon and Jess ,my sickness is a secret.

While we talked on for an hour or so ,i saw my sisters enter ,I laughed cheerfully ,screamed as loud as i could when i saw my sister Sarai behind .I had missed her ,I wanted to run hug her,jump in joy but i couldn't. I sat there while she came running towards me .I was happy seeing her.Meeting her relieved my strees.I hugged her tight ,told her how much I missed. She hugged me tight saying what had happened to me. I hugged her tight not letting her go, i hugged her thinking of the pillow I hugged last November ,i hugged her tightly thinking about all the things that had happened to me,of how much I wanted to talk about all the things that happened between Ash blonde hair and me .I called her Atao (sister)instead of Noona .I hugged her ,sobbed while i kept calling Atao .She whispered if anything was wrong.She questioned ,Did someone hurt you? .Do you want something?.She hugged me back.I could feel warm tears on my shoulders. I told Atao ,Why did you come so late ,i missed you .I cried pouring my tears out,while i cried i could hear the beeping voice of my heart .I felt the pain again .This time it was more painful than the last time.

I saw Sidon rushing out to call the doctors,while Jess kept calling me out Didi .I could feel my hands and legs shivering .I felt the numbness again ,it felt as if all the needles pricked me.It hurt so bad.My sisters were calling me out.My Dad came rushing in cupped my face, Didi what happened tell Abao (Father),I'm here for you he said.I wanted to reply him so bad but i couldn't. My tongue felt numb.I saw Uncle Ang rushing in .He came towards me ,I looked at him tearfully, he said its gonna be fine .I felt like i was gonna die.I could feel the coldness on my feet that kept moving above my tight .My tongue was numb. My legs numb.My left hand was numb.I thought about the death I tried to commit,but this time I had an urge ..an urge to survive, not to die.I wanted to live.All my family members were out ,I could hear my mom crying out loud saying ,God take my life instead of her,she's too young to die.I cried again when I heard my mothers prayer.Uncle Ang injected me something, yet I couldn't feel a thing .I thought i was gonna die .I wanted to live ,a life i lived before happy with my family.I was upset , upset of the fact that i had to suffer.I wanted to survive terribly not for him but for my family.While everything was blank around me,I kept hearing whispers that Uncle Ang told before, Is something bothering you ,Are you stressed about something .I knew I replied No yet still i knew something was missing. I kept thinking of him .His Ash blonde hair ,his smile ,his laughter ,his hands entwined on mine kept playing on my mind.I then realized my stress ,my problem that was bothering. It was him,it was him all along.He was my stress ,my problem.His girlfriend and him were the problem i was facing .His love that I never got was stressing me. His betrayal was stressing me out.His ugly truth ,his false hope,his false commitment hurt me.He was the cause of all the problem,he was the cause of my heart. I felt like I was a substitute, a substitute in their story.I was upset i was the third party in their story but then I realized this was not his story ,it was my story. I didn't care about me being a substitute nor did I intend of being the lead casue it was my story and in my story i was the lead not them. I woke up ,everyone was worried about .I was glad I survived. I was glad I was alive again.I knew it was my story ,i knew i didn't want him to complete it,I now wanted him to be the substitute, to feel the same way like I did for him .I knew it would take time cause i knew it takes time to write up a story so does ones feeling.I wished when he was the substitute, he will tell everything to Jung that he did to me.

This time I wanted to move on for good.I knew i still loved him ,I knew I couldn't but then I wanted to try .Moving away was the best thing i could do so first think i said to everyone after i woke up was ,"I want to change my college ".

It was the best option for me ,the only thing i thought of .My mom and dad asked why i said i just wanted to change .I looked at Uncle Ang ,he smiled supported me ,held my hands and said you will change it if you want to and if your dad doesn't agree to it then don't worry i will pay your expenses for you new college you intend to join.My Dad didn't say a thing but later on agreed to it.He said he was fine with it.I was happy ,happy that my family didn't ask what had happened to me ,I knew they knew something about me but then they never asked me.I felt i was taking advantage of their love but then I realized how much they loved me ,I knew I was being a fool .I knew that I had to get out from this pit of love.I knew i feel in too deep but this time I was ready to climb it anyhow ,i was ready to sit in his pit of love and cry over it.This time I wanted to climb up ,ruin his confidence that he knew that I loved him and wanted him to feel the same way I felt for him pushing him into my pit of love.