Existing at Once

Chapter 9 ~ Abandonment Issues

Years passed between Entia and Leinad, and as the two never realized a year and a half out of high school that it was the second year of their high school experience is what began to slowly tear their friendship apart.

For the time being, they were still a bit tight, tight enough for Leinad to still provide a shoulder to cry on after a break up.

Now for adolescents dating in highschool, it rarely works and is also super cheesy, such having the mass attention of being a "couple" or having each other's names on their social media profiles to also holding hands in the hallways to have everyone see.

Unfortunately, Entia fell victim to such adolescent activities, but to Entia, the purpose of even attaining the relationship was to see if she can last beyond high school to see the potentiality of marriage with the person she got with.

So when breaking up with this one girl was difficult because Entia's one rule was to abandon before getting abandoned, it wasn't for the fact that she was able to propelry expereicne her first sexual makeout session with groping and actual toungue.

No, it was for the fact that she had simply thought that she was going to be able to actually be with someone so that she can be taken care of but then got disillusioned when the girl simply didn't share the same ideals, she just wanted a good time.

Now this girl won't get a fluorescent name in this story due to her really not being relevant other than the fact she was the first to provide emotional damage through the form of a so-called relationship.

But again, hence the whole crying on Leinad's shoulder ordeal.

Despite Entia going through all these people to fill her void of there receiving no romantic love and not being taken care of, the mental self defense mechanism that developed from which grew in her elementary years had been simply metamorphosing into something greater yet more toxic as she aged.

It really all began with Entia not accepting the fact of there being actual good people out there, so rather than searching, she ended up becoming one of the horrible people that she feared of never being enough for and committed also the very same actions that were done to her from all the neglection,

Now this wasn't all in vengeance, but in search of her finding the love within herself that eventually cost the emotional damage of others with no disregard as to how they feel after.

Many victims of Entia had already been made from Prairie, Leinad which is simply a friend, to even Damascena that gave hope to Entia that people could love.

Of course Entia only realized that after she cut her off.

Regardless, a bittersweet moment was to come in the form of a tender yet rushed kiss with none other than Gallica.

Entia not being fully ready yet to begin loving wasn't nigh, but far, for she still had to learn to love herself.

Gallica's full name can not be remembered but what is fondly remembered from this beautiful, pure, delicate flower person is that her ideals of what a relationship meant to her aligned with Entia.

Unfortunately the friendship had to end because of the fickle mind Gallica had, but Entia never blamed her because although just friends, the kiss they shared that second year of highschool gave Entia better understanding of Gallica's wishes which were the same as hers, just in a different approach to attain them.

From this Entia did learn too though that it is possible to find someone that can love her while also providing everything she yearns for in a relationship without having to even ask.

It was again just a matter of following the mechanism within her to guide her to the right person.

Thing is, Entia wasn't going to sit idly by for her mechanism to properly guide her, but also for Gallica to be ready to also be in a relationship, or at least make an effort to better herself individually like Entia was already going so that she can love herself more so that she can be in the relationship with Gallica.

See, the beautiful thing about relationships is that they truly are meant to be easy.

But if one party is not going to carry their emotional baggage or make someone else carry it for them rather than making it easier to carry by yourself or with your parnter, which is what Entia was finally leanring to stop doing... Gallica was going to continue committing the same habit.

Hence why Entia was to cut off Gallica a year later, but still cherished the kiss they shared in that very moment in the center of the court where it was just the two.

It really does take a long time to realize to what the actual fuck is the problem with oneself, but it takes it even longer time to figure out how to cope with it, and lastly, it takes a lot of relfecting to finlly process the problem and accept all the bullshit it did to you and to others.

As for what was wrong with Entia, she had found out that she was becoming the very person she had never hoped to become, which really was just someone who neglected love from others because it wasn't to her liking.

And as Entia began to notice this, she realized she was also becoming a hypocrite, but maddened by the fact that she thought a relationship would fix all her problems which in reality only deepen the void of love she was hoping to fill.

Entia was still growing however as an individual that needed to learn to love herself before nurturing others with the unconditional amount of love she has to offer.

If not, then she'd just continue just to use others to fill the void of love she didn't have with those that could've been potential partners for her.

Many did still get hurt, and so did Entia as the experimental phase began with new relationships.

And through the trial and error them all, Entia acquired the role of being a people pleaser once more, but this time to set the condition of it being okay to use other people so long as they benefited from her new attribute of also allowing herself to be used, a mutual usage of one another per se.

In which was very toxic, but mindless little Entia didn't know any better still.

So the coming people that will get to relish in Enita's people pleasing attribute, they'll actually emotionally feel connected still, but will eventually use Entia to move onto someone or something better.

Entia will also use them as stepping stones to make her realize that she needed to stop using people.

So the problem prolonged, and Entia kept digging deeper and deeper to find and end her void of loneliness, but also of someone to come and take care of her because even as an adult she knew that she'll need an unconditional amount of love from herself instead to finally fill it.