Existing at Once

Chapter 18 ~ Espresso Heals Depression

Entia now in complete solitude after cutting off so many people, she finds herself at night just staring at a black sea.

Her also being alone due to the fact that she is now an adult, meaning that after highschool, everyone just does their own thing and frogets about you, rarely does anyone actually reach out to catch up, often times when you would hear from someone though, it'll probably just be for sex.

Other than that, Entia was a couple years out of high school, with an okay job, almost close to moving out of her parents house.

Things were looking okay for Entia, all that she needed now was to fill the void of loneliness completely so that she may start only nurturing people with her love instead of using them to fill it.

Entia also now just confused with her present because she truly admitted to herself that yes, she is a terrible person, equally a good one too though.

So why was it then that finally after having a grasp of what to work on and how to be more empathetic with people, she was all alone.

Entia would go to Cafes, bars, even just walking around alone in the middle of the night to hopefully find just a random stranger that won't be a creep.

The point is that she was desperate to find people that just wanted to have a nice conversation, but also that are interesting and admirable enough to be in their twenties because early twenties is when you stop being a child, while also still embracing the child within to find some ounce of happiness as contradicting as that sounds.

So Entia being alone, she just pondered whether the idea of being alone would make her happy, or to continue seeing if she can meet more people so she can grow as an individual.

Obviously due to Entia's past, you should know which she is going to choose for now to make herself feel at least a bit of happiness.

Countless times then Entia attempted to just make herself stand out to see if anyone would be interested in her, but as the memory link serves from Floribunda... "If it wasn't for your face, then you'd be perfect because you already have a nice body."

So Entia's confidence began to take a downward plummet that really just made her focus on herself and what she loved doing, which was simply still going to cafes and bars in hopes she'd meet someone to talk to, and if not, then at least she had a moment to relax.

Entia would get tired of doing this, so sometimes she really just wanted to end her life, again, not in sadness, but because if others can't appreciate the amazing person she is while others attempted to still take advantage of her, she decided better to off herself because no one really just deserves her so she would often ask herself "why live in this shitty ass world?"

Of course after having been at the beach at night as she attempted strangle herself with all her upper body strength yelling "JUST FUCKING TAKE ME ALREADY!

She was exclaiming to the universe, she isn't crazy.

But she was dumb for not choosing the more obviuos and easier way of killing herslef by drowing into the ocean so that way no one may find her body.

She then realized though she couldn't because one, she's too much of a coward to face the pain of a death, not death itself, that was her key to escaping.

But two, it really was just the process of dying that Entia was horrified of.

In that moment though she realized it's the people that are shitty, not the world, the world is beautiful.

The cycle of how Entia interacts with people was then justified to her, she will continue the search for someone, her soulmate per se, but she will let it come naturally through trial and error.

As adaptive creatures, humans will acclimate to what they most don't find suitable for a living environment.

For Entia, it was years that had passed on of finding suitable environments with genuine people.

That is until she found herself at a bar on a rainy midnight, staring out the window with one air pod one just in case someone ever sparks up conversation but she wouldn't because she is just too tired of trying to initiate something all the time, but she then hears the doorbell ringing as a lady with dark red hair orders and americano and an old fashion.

"Lady, it's two in the fucking morning and you want espresso!?" says the bartender with angered confusion.

Entia then looks over at the woman as she offers the bartender to show her her tits

She then felt as if things were about to get interesting because she felt accompanied by the fact that she wasn't the only one that night drinking an Americano.

So Entia then prepares herself to put on a smug nonchalant attitude to catch the attention of the woman even though she had committed to herself she was done with getting at people and then boasts to the bartender...

"Aye! Make me another one too and put her drinks on my tab."