"What are your thoughts of marrying me again?".
Muntik na akong masamid ng marinig ang tanong niya sa akin. Natigilan ako saglit, prinoproseso sa isipan 'ko ang mga sinasabi niya. Dahan dahan 'ko siyang tiningnan habang iniisip 'ko ano ang dapat 'kong isagot sa kanya. He gave me a small smile while staring at me waiting for my answer dahilan para makaramdam ako ng guilt sa sistema 'ko.
"Until now, do you still think that we can really be for each other?", tanong 'ko sa kanya dahilan para mawala ang ngiti sa mga labi niya at iiwas niya ang tingin sa akin. I didn't mean to ask him that, but I wanted to know what he was thinking for the two of us."I was just thinking that maybe you are just... being carried away by your emotions or maybe you just feel guilt towards me because of what you did to me in the past".
"You can say 'No' if you really don't want to be with me", seryoso niyang sabi sa akin dahilan para agad 'kong kagatin ang ibabang labi 'ko."I noticed that you always think of unreasonable questions just to avoid yourself from my questions".
I slightly pursed my lips as I looked at him. Did he notice that? He moved his jaw aggressively before looking away from me. Hindi ko naman intensyon na iparamdam sa kanya na parang ayuko na pag-usapan namin 'yun lalo na at alama ko na big deal 'yun para sa kanya.
"I didn't say that", sabi ko sa kanya habang nilalaro ang mga daliri 'ko."Are we going to fight just because of that, we still have some things to sort out before we settle down".
"You didn't say anything, but your actions tell me everything", seryosong sabi niya sa akin dahilan para mapabuntong hininga ako, naiinis na."I didn't say that we will settle down when you say yes to my proposal. I just want to make sure that we are still together after all the trouble around us. Unless na lang 'kung ayaw mo talaga", kalmado niyang sabi sa akin na animong ayaw niyng iparamdam sa akin na nasasaktan siya sa tuwing naiisip niya na gumagawa lang ako ng rason para iwasan ang proposal niya."Sorry, I didnt mean to say that, 'yun lang kase 'yung nararamdaman ko sa ngayon".
"Wrong timing ka na kase", sabi ko sa kanya. " You are asking me about what I think of marrying you, now that I really don't know what I will do because of things that are happening to me right now, to us? ".
If only he knew how messed up my life is now. If he only knew what was happening to me right now, he wouldn't have made me feel this way. If only he knew how difficult I am in my current situation, how miserable my life now, I don't know if he would still love me. Kung alam lang niya na ako ang nasa likod ng gunshot sa kanya, na meroon akong kinalaman doon sigurado ako na ngayon pa lang galit na galit na siya sa akin.
.
That he no longer wants to hold me and be with me. That he doesn't want to see even my shadow in front of him. That he would always ask for, na sana hindi na lang niya ako nakita ulit. Na sana hindi na lang kami nagkaroon ng relasyon ulit sa isa't isa. That he will hate me until his last breath.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to force you", kalmado niyang sabi sa akin habang pilit na iniiwas ang tingin niya sa akin."Are you mad at me?".
Tinitigan ko pa siya saglit bago umiling sa kanya at naupo sa tabi niya.Ngumiti ako sa kanya bago hinawakan ang mukha niya gamit ang dalawang kamay 'ko. I closed my eyes when my lips touched his. He immediately kissed me back. He even grabbed my waist to pull me closer to him. When our lips parted, he gave me a small smile before caressing my face with his two thumbs. Hahalikan niya pa sana ako ng bigla 'ko siyang itulak dahilan para mapanguso siya sa akin bago iiwas ang tingin niya, kunwari nagtatampo. Tinawanan ko lang siya.
"You can't get me by sulking", sabi ko sa kanya, inaasar siya dahilan para irapan niya ako. Natigilan ako sa pang-aasar sa kanya ng biglang sumagi sa isipan ko 'kung sino ang nag-iimbestiga sa nangyari sa kanya."Geib, sino nga pala ang nag-iimbestiga tungkol sa nangyari sayo?".
