Our Yesterday's Escape (University Series #6)

29

TW: abuse, violence, suicide

Warning: This chapter might contain material that may be harmful or traumatizing to some audiences. Reader discretion is advised.

KIERRA

"Kierra, honey, can you help me pick flowers?" 

Umuwi ako para sa Christmas break. Pinahilom ko muna ang mga sugat at mga pasa ko para hindi magtanong sina Mommy. I was scared to say anything about what happened to me. Pinigilan ako ng takot ko kay Miguel para sabihin lahat ng nangyari. 

Lumabas ako ng bahay para sumunod kay Mommy papunta sa garden. It was so early in the morning kaya ang lamig pa ng hangin at hindi pa mainit ang araw. Ever since I went home, my mom never asked me about why I cried, and was silently waiting for me to talk... pero mukhang naging impatient na siya ngayon. 

"The flowers look so pretty, 'no?" Tiningnan niya ako at pinakita sa akin ang bulaklak na pinitas niya para isama sa gagawin niyang bouquet. Anniversary nila ni Daddy. "I planted these before while thinking of you." 

"Me?" Kumunot ang noo ko at natawa nang bahagya roon. "Bakit naman ako, Mommy?"

"Kasi gustong-gusto mo ng bulaklak, simula bata ka pa. You would always draw flowers in your drawings because they make everything look pretty. May kulay kasi... at gusto mo palagi ng kulay." 

I gave her a small smile pagkatapos kong ilagay ang dalawa pang bulaklak sa basket na hawak ko. I liked colors. I liked flowers. Ngayon... Hindi ko na alam kung magugustuhan ko pa 'yon. Miguel used to give me flowers... then started giving me thorns. My colorful life just became dull. It was full of fear. 

"And you're as pretty as the flowers you pick."

Natigilan ako bigla at nanatiling nakatulala sa bulaklak na hawak ko ngayon. It was a large pink flower. It looked pretty. 

"I know you're not okay, and it hurts me to see you act like you are. Do you want to tell me something?" 

My heart started racing with just the thought of me talking about it to my mom... the thought of me opening up about Miguel. He will know... kapag sinabi ko, malalaman niya, dahil kami lang dalawa ang may alam ng nangyayari. Kapag lumabas 'yon, malalaman niyang ako ang nagsabi.

He said his family was powerful enough. Alam ko 'yon. Ako pa rin ang matatalo kapag sinabi ko. I was scared of my life. 

"Wala, Mommy," sambit ko sa kaniya at umiling. "My finals week just exhausted me a lot." 

I felt so safe during Christmas break. We spent time with our relatives in Bataan. Iyon naman ang usual naming gawain tuwing holiday. Sinubukan kong mamuhay nang normal, nang walang inaalala, pero mahirap, dahil tuwing gabi, kapag ako na lang mag-isa ay bumabalik sa akin lahat. 

Ayaw ko nang matapos ang Christmas break. Natatakot akong pumasok ulit, dahil alam kong nakaaligid lang siya sa campus. Ilang beses kong tiningnan ang dagat at naisip na tapusin na lang lahat... para wala nang takot... pero palaging may pumipigil sa akin.